Legacy
by Lilpixiegirl2511
Summary: Joker and Harley agree to conceive an heir but when Joker has fertility issues what lengths will Harley go to to keep him on the program to reverse it? Can Joker stand clean healthy living? Can he get through sex on demand? What would happen if the other rogues found out? Ultimately will this tear them apart or bring them closer together?
1. Chapter 1

Legacy Chapter 1

Dr. Radcliffe entered the examination room and saw her new patient Holly McGuiness sitting on the examination table anxiously wringing her hands. The slim brunette had been in to see her a week ago for a full infertility diagnostic. The tests had come back and Holly was there for the results.

"Good morning Holly, how are we doing today?" The woman flicked her big apprehensive baby blue eyes up at the reproductive endocrinologist.

"I don't know yet Doc. Depends on what ya tell me I guess." Dr. Radcliffe flipped through the pages in the patient file.

"Well I won't keep you in suspense, Holly. It's all good news." The doctor smiled kindly at her nervous patient. "There don't seem to be any problems with your ovulation. The hysterosalpingography came back completely normal, which means there are no obstructions or blockages in your fallopian tubes or ovaries. Your hormone levels are completely in the normal range and the pelvic ultrasound looks great!" Holly's shoulders visibly relaxed with the good news.

"That's great Doc! So, um, how come I can't seem to get pregnant then?"

"Well Holly, forty percent of the time the problem lies with the male partner. Which means we're going to need to see your boyfriend. What did you say his name was again?" Holly's eyes darted back and forth quickly before she answered.

"Joe. Joe Kerr."

"Well talk to Joe and when he's ready call the office and book an appointment. Then we can get to the bottom of your conception issues. Okay?" A pained look crossed her patients face.

"I don't know if I can talk him into it Doc. He's kind of got a bad track record with doctors. Isn't there anything I can do at home to figure this all out?" Dr. Radcliffe shook her head.

"I'm sorry Holly, but unless we do some basic tests there could be any number of reasons your partner is unable to reproduce." Holly's eyes filled with tears. "Don't worry Holly, most male reproductive issues are easily reversed either through treatment, surgery or lifestyle changes. Don't give up hope yet. Get Joe in here and we'll work it out together." Holly nodded her head.

"I'll do my best. Thanks Doc."

Holly grabbed her purse, walked out to the parking lot and got into the passenger side of the rose colored Cadillac that was waiting for her.

"So, how did it go Harl?" asked her best friend in the world, Pam Isley also known as the eco-terrorist Poison Ivy.

"Good I guess." Harley pulled the brown wig off her head and tossed it into the back seat. "The problem isn't with me. Apparently it's Mistah J. She wants me to bring him in for an appointment." Ivy sniggered into her fist.

"So the Clown Prince of Crime is infertile? Oh, I can't _wait_ to hang this over his big, fat head!" Harley's eyes almost popped out of her skull.

"No, Red! You can't say _anything_ to him!" Harley let out a heavy breath. "How am I gonna pull this off Pam? Mistah J doesn't even know I've been trying to get pregnant for the past year! I'm doomed. I may as well kiss the idea of a baby goodbye at this point!" She crossed her arms over her chest and looked sullenly out of the car window at the park across the street.

"Well I've said from the very beginning that you and J should never reproduce. Maybe this is just nature agreeing with me."

Harley watched the children on the swings being pushed by loving parents and running through the grass laughing and kicking a big red ball.

"I've dreamed of having a baby ever since I was a little girl. It's one of the few things I ever really wanted out of life. To fall in love with a good man and start a happy and loving family together. I guess it was more than I should have hoped for. Guess it's more than I deserve." Harley sniffled as a tear escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek. Ivy gave her a sympathetic look.

"Oh, Harls please don't think like that. You're a good person and you do deserve to have your dreams fulfilled. We'll figure out a way." Harley rubbed her eyes with her fists.

"I gotta think of something Red. We ain't getting any younger. This might be my last chance to finally be a mom. Ya got any of that mind control lipstick I can borrow?" Ivy glanced sideways at Harley as she started the car.

"I don't think that's a very good idea Harls. Look why don't you just talk to him when we get back. Let's leave mind control as a last resort, okay?" Ivy pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards the hideout Harley was currently sharing with Joker in Coventry. Harley stuck out her bottom lip in an exaggerated pout.

"Fine. Whatever." Harley didn't speak as they drove. The gears in her brain were turning as she tried to figure out what to do. As they approached the hideout a plan began to form in Harley's demented little mind and she smiled evilly as she pondered it. Ivy gave her a wary glance.

"I don't know if I like that look on your face, Harls. What are you up to now?" Ivy parked down the alley adjacent to the door to their ha-hacienda. Harley gave her a bright smile.

"Nothing much, Red. I just figured out what to say to Joker to get him to go to the fertility doctor with me is all. Thanks for coming with me today, I really appreciated it." Harley embraced her best friend.

"Anytime Harley. Good luck tonight, I hope it all goes the way you planned." The corner of Harley's mouth quirked up.

"Oh don't worry about that Red. It will. I got something up my sleeve that's foolproof! Goodnight Red!"

Harley entered the lair and headed to the kitchen to make dinner. Over the years she had taken some time to learn at least basic cooking skills and while she was still scatterbrained and sometimes forgot to set the timer or got distracted and accidently forgot an important ingredient her meals were acceptable at least and still edible at worst, at least most of the time. She hummed to herself as she chopped vegetables for the stir fry she was preparing.

"Haaaarrrrllleeeyy! Is that you, you useless ninny? While you were out gallivanting around with the weed I'm sitting here starving to death!" Joker yelled from his office down the hall. She rolled her eyes at his dramatics as she shouted back.

"Yeah Puddin, I'm starting dinner now. I'll bring it in to you in a little bit!"

Once she had finished preparing the meal she made two plates, grabbed two bottles of cold water from the fridge and brought dinner into J's office where, as usual, he was hunched over the messy desk. She set his plate down in the only space on the desk not currently covered in paperwork.

"Dinner Puddin!" She sing-songed while pulling over a chair for herself. He pushed his work aside and dug in. Harley stabbed a piece of chicken on her fork as she watched him devour his plate. "Wow Puddin, I guess you really were starving, huh? Sorry I got back so late." He moodily glanced up at her.

"What the hell were the two of you doing anyway?" Harley finished her bite and set her plate down.

"I was at the doctor." He paused mid-bite.

"Are you sick?"

"Um, Puddin, we need to talk." He rolled his eyes theatrically.

"Oh here we go. What do we need to talk about?" He opened his bottle of water and took a swig as he waited for Harley to drop whatever bomb it was that was bothering her.

"Well Pud, we've been together for fifteen years now. I'm forty-two and neither one of us is getting any younger, ya know?"

"Yeah, yeah don't remind me. I know you're getting old Harley, what does that have to do with anything?" He chomped down on another large bite as she responded.

"Well, I've been keeping something from you Pud. I've been feeling the impact of getting older and since I knew we were running out of time, I stopped taking my birth control. Over a year ago." Joker choked on the bite he had been trying to swallow. Once he stopped hacking he yelled.

"What? Are you out of your mind? Oh, right, how silly of me. So, let me guess, you're pregnant?" He spat as he glared at her.

"No, and that's the problem Pud. I just came back from the fertility doctor. I had a bunch of tests run to see if there's a reason I can't get pregnant. I got the results back today. There is absolutely _no_ reason why I shouldn't have been able to conceive in the past twelve months." His eyes narrowed.

"So what the hell does that mean?"

"It means that you're infertile." His brows knitted together.

"So what? Now I don't have to worry about knocking you up. Wonderful. What's the problem?" She frowned at him.

"The problem is my biological clock is ticking and we don't have much more time to extend your family line. Don't you want an heir to carry on your work after you're gone?"

"Once I'm gone what does it matter?" He set his fork down and gave her a blank stare.

"Well Batsy is leaving behind a legacy. He's got Nightwing and that Red Hood guy, Red Robin an-" He cut her off.

"They aren't actually his kids Harley." She huffed out an impatient breath.

"Robin is! He calls B-man father! You know he does! You've always said, 'What's Batman without Joker?' Well don't you think you should leave behind a legacy of your own to continue your work and drive the Bat Brats crazy once we're both gone? An heir who'll have kids of their own to make sure Gotham never goes without a smile on its face? Without one, in time, you'll just be forgotten." He slammed his fist on the desk.

"Gotham will never forget the Joker!" Harley shifted in her seat so she could cross her legs before she continued.

"Not immediately no, but eventually as the generations go on the name Joker will just fade away as the kids of the other rogues take over."

"What the hell do you mean by that?" She shrugged.

"It's just that, you know, Riddler has a kid now, so does Harvey." Joker's jaw clenched.

"Harvey's kid lives with its mother."

"Now yeah, but _their_ kids will be the ones messing with the Bats. _Thiers_ will be the names that get carried on. Heck even Jonathan finally has a girlfriend, I'm sure it won't be long before he has a child too." He pointed his finger at her.

"Don't think this reverse psychology stuff is working on me Harls, because it's not. But if I'm infertile then why are we having this conversation?"

"Because most male infertility is reversible. I want you to come to the doctor with me."

"Ooohhhh no. Not gonna happen. I'm not gonna be poked and prodded by some doctor because _your_ biological clock is ticking." Harley looked crestfallen.

"Well Pud, I thought that's what you'd say, but I figured it was worth a shot. I'm sure our friends won't disdain us for not being able to conceive. I mean we've got a great group of friends, right? They wouldn't think any less of you for failing at one of life's most primal responsibilities. No one would question your masculinity or machismo or accuse you of being inadequate or defective."

Joker stared at her slack jawed as what Harley was saying began to sink in. His hands curled into fists as he thought about what people might say if it were to get out that he was infertile.

"Plus our friends are really discreet. I know Pengers would be able to keep that information to himself, he wouldn't, say, sell it to make you look bad. And Harvey, he wouldn't question your sexual prowess or potency and he certainly wouldn't use it to embarrass you at your next poker game or anything like that, right?"

His whole body began to shake as he thought about the next rogue poker game and the impact of that kind of information becoming common knowledge.

"You're right Pud, may as well just forget it. I can always get donor sperm and be artificially inseminated I guess. I'd love to get my hands on some of Dick Grayson's sperm. We'd make one pretty baby. Someone might believe it's yours if we play it off right."

Joker was making a sound in the back of his throat that turned into a full-fledged growl as he abruptly stood up, knocking over his chair in the process.

"That's it! Stop talking! The Joker doesn't fail! My middle name is 'Winning'! Make the god damn appointment!" Harely's face lit up with joy.

"Really Puddin? You'll really go? Thank you!" Harley leapt up and put her arms around his neck as she peppered his face with kisses. He pushed her off of him and scowled.

"Who knows about this other than you?"

"Just Red, but I swore her to secrecy. If you keep your word and do what the doctor says, she'll keep her mouth shut." He stared blankly at her.

"I can't believe you're blackmailing me into going to a fertility doctor!" Harley swayed back and forth with a huge grin on her face.

"Well, I did learn from the best Puddin!" He sighed heavily and his shoulders sagged.

"Do me a favor Harley, clean this mess up and then get the hell out of my office! I need to be alone for a while."

"You got it Pud!" She hustled to grab the dirty dishes and headed towards the door. "And Puddin?"

"What Harley?"

"Thank you. You've just made me the happiest girl in the world." He threw his water bottle at her head but missed by a hairsbreadth.

"GET OUT!"

Harley left Joker to stew and rushed to the phone to call Ivy.

"Harley, are you okay?" Harley squealed loudly into Ivy's ear.

"It worked! I did it! He's agreed to go to the doctor with me!" Ivy was stunned to silence. "Red, are you still there?"

"Yeah Harl I'm here. I can't believe it! What did you have to do to make that happen? Threaten to castrate him?" Harley giggled girlishly.

"Nope. I just had to hit him where I knew it would hurt him the most."

"You mean you punched him below the belt?"

"In a manner of speaking, yeah. But specifically I hit him right in the old _EGO_." Ivy chuckled.

"So what exactly did you say to him?"

"Oh you know, a little blackmail, some casual comments about the possibility of the rogues thinking he'd failed as a man and he was like putty in my hands." Ivy was laughing outright at the thought of Joker being paranoid about being the butt of everyone else's joke for a change and it made her positively giddy.

"I gotta say Harl, I am impressed. You may not have your medical license anymore, but you still got it kid!"

"I do, don't I? Anyway I better run, Mistah J is in a tizz right now. I'll let you know how everything goes."

"Night Harl."

"Night Red!"


	2. Chapter 2

Legacy Chapter 2

"Good afternoon, Reproductive Science Center of Gotham. This is Julia, how may I help you?"

"Hi Julia, this is Holly McGuiness and I need to speak with Dr. Radcliffe. It's really important." She heard the receptionist scoff on the other end of the phone.

"Dr. Radcliffe is with a patient right now."

"This will only take a few minutes. It really _is_ important. I don't mind holding." She said congenially. The receptionist sighed.

"One moment please." Harley listened to the terrible hold muzak while she waited. After about five minutes someone came back on the line.

"Holly? It's Dr. Radcliffe, what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong Doc, it's just that my boyfriend agreed to come in but there's something I didn't tell you."

"What's that Holly?" She asked warily.

"Well, Joe is an assumed name. The truth is, he's a celebrity and if he were to be seen coming into a fertility clinic the press would jump all over it and it might ruin his career, so I need to ask you a favor."

"Go on, Holly. I'm listening."

"I hate to put you out, but is there any way we can schedule this appointment at night so I can sneak him in without being seen. Also, there couldn't be any other staff in the building. One set of loose lips and the next thing you know it'll be all over Tweeter. Money is no object, we will generously compensate you for making these special arrangements."

"Holly, I would be more than happy to accommodate you. I have Thursday evening free, how about you and 'Joe' come in at about seven, it should be dark out. I'll make sure the staff have cleared out by then." She paused briefly before continuing. "Why don't you come in through the back entrance, I'll turn the lights off in the rear parking lot. Will that serve?"

"Oh my God, yes it will! Dr. Radcliffe you are the absolute best!"

"In the interim, please abstain from any sexual activity so we can get a good baseline on his sperm count and motility."

Harley wasn't necessarily pleased to hear that, it was only Monday and she and J had gotten a little more regular since they weren't out on jobs as often they were in the old days. More downtime equaled more sex between the two of them.

"Um, okay Doc. We will."

"Can you give me any idea who your boyfriend really is?"

"Um, I better not. Let's just say there is no doubt that you'll recognize him when you meet him. Thanks again Doc! We'll see you on Thursday!"

Harley hung up the phone and did a happy dance around the living room, jumping about and pumping her fists in the air. Joker happened to walk in and he leaned against the door frame with one eyebrow raised as he watched his girlfriend in her moment of unrestrained joy. Overnight he had come to terms with the entire situation and although he would never tell her this to her face, he had actually been contemplating the legacy he'd be leaving behind lately as well. He was almost sixty years old and could feel himself slowing down. He knew sooner or later the subject would come up, it usually did every three years or so. He had decided he'd fight her on it to save face and then let her think she wore him down when he eventually agreed it was time to try having a kid.

"So what are we celebrating, Poo?" Harley squeaked in shock and spun around to see Joker watching her.

"Jeez Puddin, you almost gave me a coronary. I didn't hear you come in." He grinned at her as he crossed the room to wrap his arms around her waist.

"You seem awfully happy. Care to share?"

"I talked to Doc Radcliffe. She'll see us Thursday night after dark. She said she would sneak us through the back door and that no one else will be in the building. She promised to be very discreet." He gave her a curious look.

"You didn't tell her who I am did you?" She rolled her eyes.

"Of course not! I told her you're a celebrity and that we were afraid of the press finding out and trying to ruin your career. I think she thinks she'll be treating some kind of movie star or something." Joker liked the sound of that. The look on the doctor's face when she finally met him would be a pretty good gag. "Thanks again for agreeing to this Puddin. It really means a lot to me." He kissed her on the top of her head.

"Well it'll save me at least three months of your incessant nagging, you insufferable brat." She beamed up into his handsome face.

"I love you too Puddin." He gave her tush a little squeeze before breaking the embrace.

"Well Pumpkin, I'd best be off. I'm meeting Harvey, Scarface and Ozzie down at the Iceberg to discuss some business."

She chuckled, she knew for a fact that they rarely discussed _business_ anymore. More often than not they sat around smoking cigars, drinking whiskey and talking about the good old days. Far be it for her to rain on his parade though.

"Okay Pud, I hope your business meeting goes well. Have fun! Should I be expecting you home for dinner later? I'm making lasagna." He leaned down and gave her a brief kiss on the lips.

"Probably not Poo. Just make me a plate, I can nuke it when I get home. See ya later toots."

She smiled as she watched her gorgeous Mr. J put on his coat and fedora and head out the door. You could see the evidence of aging in his face, the laugh lines were a little deeper, the crow's-feet more pronounced and there were gray hairs beginning to come in at his temples. To Harley he was still just as good-looking as the day she first met him in Arkham.

Her heart swelled in her chest as she thought about the two of them finally becoming parents. She flopped down on the couch as she daydreamed about first words, first steps, skinned knees and school plays. She imagined birthday parties and family vacations, J dressed up like Santa at Christmas time putting presents under the tree as their child gazed at him in wonderment. She had never been so happy in all her life. Her patience had paid off and her one real dream was finally going to come true.

Then doubt started to creep in. Dr. Radcliffe had said that _most_ male infertility was reversible, not _all_. What if J's accident at Ace Chemicals had rendered him irreparably damaged and there was no way to fix it? No she refused to believe that was the case. Where there was a will there was a way, and she was going to find a way even if it meant paying ten grand a pop for in vitro treatments. Come hell or high water she was _going_ to have a baby! She got up from the couch and headed to the kitchen to get started on the lasagna. It would at least distract her from her over active imagination until J came home later.

Much later that evening Joker entered the hideout and headed straight for the refrigerator. He popped the plate Harley made for him in the microwave then went to the bedroom to hang up his coat and hat. She wasn't in bed yet, which meant she was probably watching TV in the other room. He grabbed his supper and headed to the living room. He was slightly buzzed and in a very good mood after spending some time bullshitting and playing cards with the boys. Harley was dozing on the couch. She had a pad in her lap and a pen still clutched between her fingers and she was snoring quietly as the Food Network played in the background. He smiled down at her, she looked so adorable when she was sleeping. She wore her hair shorter these days but it was still up in two pigtails. He knew she only wore it that way because he liked it. He had to admit she was aging really well. She still had an athlete's figure and the only blemish belying her age were the fine lines under her eyes. He lightly sat on the couch and ate his dinner as he watched the shallow rise and fall of her chest. Eventually she must have felt his presence because her eyelids fluttered and slowly opened and she yawned as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"Hey there sleepyhead."

"Hey Puddin. How did your meeting go?" She sat up and the notepad fell to the floor. "Aw, crap. I musta fell asleep during Bobby Flay. I'll have to I-Tube the episode now." He chuckled as he finished the last bite of the lasagna he was working on.

"What were you trying to learn how to make Pumpkin?"

"Chicken Adobo, it looked really good too. Dang it." He set his empty plate down and slid closer to her on the couch.

"Well don't fret about it Poo, I'm sure you'll figure it out. Your lasagna has really come a long way, it was quite good tonight." A broad grin broke her face and her eyes twinkled in the dim light.

"Really?"

"Really, really." He placed a hand on her waist. "Why don't you come here to Daddy, Pumpkin" He pulled her onto his lap so that she was straddling him. Harley wrapped her arms around him and leaned into his chest, nuzzling her nose into his neck. He smelled of cigar smoke and cognac.

"How was the crowd at the Iceberg tonight Puddin?"

"Oh, you know, the usual suspects. Crane was there with the new girlfriend." She pulled back to look at J.

"Really? I haven't met her yet. What's she like?" Joker was rubbing circles into the small of Harley's back as he spoke.

"Eh, really quiet and not much to look at. She's one of those librarian types. Short, dark, mousey looking. Rather plain really. She wasn't a knockout like my Harley-girl, that's for sure." She smiled sleepily at him.

"Aww, Mistah J you say the sweetest things."

"Yeah I guess I'm getting soft in my old age." He ran his hands up her back and pulled her towards him so he could press his mouth to hers. His tongue darted between her soft lips and Harley sighed into his mouth. She could taste the liquor on his tongue, it was like a combination of honey and nutmeg. He slid his hands down to her hips and pulled her towards him so that she could feel his growing excitement.

"Well Puddin, not all of you has gone soft at least." She giggled. He reached up to unbutton her pajama top when Harley remembered what Dr. Radcliffe had said earlier. "Puddin, wait!" She said as she grabbed his hands and pulled them away from her breasts. His brows drew together as he scrutinized her face.

"Wait? Why? Daddy's been looking forward to revving up his Harley all night." he pouted. She cast her eyes downward sheepishly.

"Because we can't Pud. Not until after we see the Doc on Thursday." He gave her an exasperated look. "She said we can't engage in _any_ kind of sexual activity until after the appointment so they can establish a good base line on your sperm count, Puddin." He huffed out an aggravated breath.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me! Why do I have this nagging feeling that I am going to hate this entire process. How did I let you talk me into this Harley?" he hissed.

"Because you love me and want me to be happy?" She replied expectantly. He frowned.

"No, I don't think that's it at all." Harley screwed up her face and crossed her arms.

"Hmpf. Well, then it must be because Red would love for me to give her free reign to let everybody at the Iceberg know the big, evil, scary Joker failed as a man!" He suddenly grabbed her by the throat and began to squeeze as he glared at her.

"You wouldn't!" She glared back at him defiantly.

"Oh wouldn't I?" She squeaked, "Try me Mistah J!" He tightened his grip around her neck. "J, you know this is only going to turn you on more, so why don't you just let go." She managed to croak out as he restricted her airway. He sneered at her, but let go and abruptly stood, dumping her unceremoniously on the living room floor. The back of her head clipped the coffee table on the way down.

"Owwww!" She yelled as she rubbed the spot that already had a small egg sprouting on it. She glanced up to see the front of his trousers tented out. He stood there with his hands balled into fists with a furious look on his face.

"I guess I'll just have to go and take a cold shower now, you contemptible tease!"

She stuck her tongue out at his back as he walked away. She heard the bathroom door slam closed and the shower turn on. A few minutes later she heard J shriek.

"Jesus Christ that's cold!"

Harley chuckled as she picked herself up off the floor. He was mad now, but he'd get over it. She picked up his dirty plate and went to the kitchen to put it in the dishwasher. As she passed the bathroom she could hear J grumbling under his breath.

She undressed and got into bed to wait for Joker. He came in about twenty minutes later with a towel draped around his hips. She watched him as he pulled the towel off and used it to dry his verdant tresses. She gazed at his nakedness and knew the action was done intentionally to tease her in retaliation for earlier. He still worked out almost every day and was still as tight and firm as he'd always been. She squeezed her thighs together. She hated the fact that they couldn't make love as much as he did. He turned his head and shot her a glance over his shoulder.

"Don't give me that mooney eyed look Harley." He dropped the wet towel on the hardwood floor and got into bed next to her.

"I'm sorry Pud. But it's just for a couple of days. We'll get this all figured out and then everything can go back to normal." Of course she didn't really know what the process was going to be like until they discovered what the problem was, but she had hope. He turned off the bedside lamp.

"Just shut up and go to sleep Harls." He put his arm around her and she squealed when his hand touched her stomach.

"Your hands are freezing!" She tried to pry his cold fingers off the sensitive flesh of her belly. He gripped her more firmly.

"Paybacks are a bitch, Poo. Deal with it."

He pulled her closer to him and nestled his nose in her hair. She smelled like strawberries and cotton candy. It still astounded him that after fifteen years he hadn't killed her. She was the only person who ever lasted that long around him. Even poor Rocco, God rest his soul. Joker didn't kill Roc, he had suffered a heart attack on the job about eight years ago and there was nothing the paramedics could do for him. He was dead on arrival at the hospital. Roc had been his right hand man for almost twelve years. He sent his widow, Betty, a large bouquet and five hundred grand in cash for his years of service. So far Harley had outlasted him by three years. He supposed he was stuck with her at this point.

He had to admit he had become rather attached to the vapid little nuisance. She was a constant trial, but she did a lot of little things that made his quality of life better. She kept a nice house, he always had clean socks and pressed suits and her cooking had really improved over the years. She knew how to make him laugh and she was a demon in the sack. All in all, he supposed being stuck with her wasn't so bad. He felt her breathing slow and heard her begin to snore lightly, indicating she was fully asleep. He squeezed her and kissed her cheek.

"You're lucky I love you, you little brat." He closed his eyes and eventually fell asleep with her in his arms.


	3. Chapter 3

Legacy Chapter 3

Finally, Thursday arrived, which was relief because Joker had been purposely driving Harley up a wall with his moodiness and theatrics for the past several days. If Joker was miserable, he felt it was only fair that she was too. Lewis showed up a little before seven to drive the couple to the medical arts building. Harley had recruited Lewis a few years after she became Harley Quinn. She and Lewis had previously and briefly been sparring partners at the GYMCA when she first learned how to fight. They had crossed paths again when she broke into the GCPD to spring Joker from the holding cells while the cops waited to arraign him and have him transferred back to Arkham after one battle with the Bat or another. Lewis was in holding that day as well, he had been picked up for petty theft and was awaiting arraignment himself. She busted them both out, discovered Lewis had a kid and a girl he was trying to provide for and offered him a job with their organization. He had been in the Joker's employ ever since and had been their regular driver for the past several years. Lewis was a good guy, rarely prone to distraction and as loyal as the day was long.

Lewis knocked on the door to their apartment and waited for Harley to answer. The henchmen didn't live on the premises with the two of them anymore. Harley had put her foot down a few years ago and surprisingly Joker complied. Now the guys lived nearby in an old abandoned paper mill down by the docks. He almost didn't recognize her in the getup she had on. She had on a brown shoulder length wig, a long denim skirt and a pink cardigan sweater. She flashed Lewis a big smile as she opened the door.

"Come on in Lewis, Mistah J will be ready in a minute. He wants to make an impression." Lewis grinned back at her.

"I wouldn't have expected anything less outta him. So what kind of job we pulling tonight? Medical arts building seems a little odd for the two of you." Harley chewed on her bottom lip.

"Well it's not really a job Lewis. We actually have an appointment to keep, but for your own good that's really all you need to know. You have a piece on ya right?" Lewis lifted his t-shirt to reveal a Smith & Wesson M&P .45 caliber tucked into the waistband of his jeans.

"Never leave home without it. You expecting trouble?"

"Not necessarily but ya never know. I feel better knowing you're armed is all." Suddenly Joker yelled from the bedroom.

"Haaarrrllleeeyyy! Where the hell are my cuff links?" She rolled her eyes.

"Be back in a sec Lewis. They're on the dresser Puddin." She yelled back at him as she headed to help him finish getting ready. "Pud we're gonna be late, will you hurry up already? Geez, you primp more than I do!"

"Stuff a sock in it Harls and help me with these already!" She noticed a slight shake to his hands as he fumbled with the cufflinks.

"Here, gimme. I'll do it for you." She attached the cufflink on his left wrist. "Are ya nervous Pud? It's gonna be okay ya know."

"Ha! Me? Nervous? That's a good gag Harls. I have no fear, remember. I'm the Joker! Nervous. Fah!" She ducked her head to hide the grin creeping up one side of her mouth.

"Okay Mistah J. If you say so." She hooked the other cufflink. "There, all done! C'mon Mistah J, let's get going already." She helped him into his purple trench coat, he grabbed his wide brimmed hat and placed it jauntily on top of his head and they headed to the door together. Lewis was leaning against the wall stroking his little black goatee as he waited patiently for the couple. He stood up straight as they entered the foyer.

"Hey there bossman. You lookin' sharp tonight! Ready to get moving?" The compliment made J smile. Lewis knew how to get on the boss's good side without looking like a brownnose, it was one of the reasons he had gotten the job as their driver in the first place.

"I suppose so Lewis. We best be off before Harley nags me to death!"

They rode in silence. Harley could physically see the stress in J's body, not that he'd ever admit it. She was sympathetic, she knew how he must be feeling. She was a ball of nerves when she made her first appointment to be tested for infertility. Deciding not to have a child was a far cry from being told you couldn't have one. As they approached the medical arts center Harley leaned forward to instruct Lewis where to go.

"See that dark lot in the back? Pull back there okay."

"You got it Harley."

Lewis parked right next to the rear door to the building. Harley scanned the parking lot to make sure the Doc was on the level and hadn't called the press. It seemed deserted enough. She got out and knocked on the door while Joker waited in the car. Only a moment passed before Dr. Radcliffe opened the door. The hallway beyond was dark and Harley was glad she had picked her as their doctor, she was as good as her word.

"Holly, good to see you. Is 'Joe' with you?"

"Yeah Doc. Step back and I'll wave him in."

Harley peeked her head out the door and motioned for Joker to hurry up and get inside. He bolted from the car and as soon as he was inside Harley slammed the door closed leaving the three of them in almost complete darkness.

"Holly, Joe, you can follow me." They only had to walk a short distance to get to Dr. Radcliffe's office. She opened the door with her key and the trio entered, locking the door behind them.

"Well 'Joe' I must say I'm anxious to find out who I'll be treating today. Let me just get the lights."

Harley prepared herself for the inevitable scream as the lights flickered on. Dr. Radcliffe turned around and blanched, only slightly, when she realized who her patient was.

"Oh." Was all she said. Harley and Joker exchanged a confused look. Why wasn't she screaming and running away in terror. The doctor shook herself and put her professional air back on. "Well, let's go back to my office so we can get started."

'Oh?' Joker thought. The Clown Prince of Crime walks into your office and all you have to say is 'Oh'? He was rather insulted.

They followed her into a small tidy office. Dr. Radcliffe took a seat behind the walnut desk and Joker and Harley settled into the seats in front of it.

"So it's not Holly then is it?" Asked the doctor.

"No." She pulled off the wig. "It's Harley. Doc, ain't you scared?" The doctor pulled out a blank patient file and put it on her desk as she rifled through a drawer for a pen.

"Well, I'd be lying if I said no Harley, but I also know what desperate parents to-be look like and I know you wouldn't have gone through all this trouble if your goal was to kill me. You could have done that already. I swore an oath and if you're here for help, I am obligated to help you."

Joker had not breathed a word. He was still in shock. He had expected a big reaction and he was pretty disappointed when he didn't receive it. He couldn't believe she was being so calm about this. The doctor clicked her pen and wrote down her patient's name at the top of the file. She looked up and addressed the Clown Prince of Crime.

"So, Joker, the first thing we need to do run through some questions before I can determine the next steps we need to take in making a diagnosis. Many of these questions are of a very personal nature but I need you to be honest if we're going to solve the problem. Are you ready to begin?" He wasn't ready but for the first time in his life he couldn't think of a single joke to tell to stall. So instead he said.

"Sure Doc, shoot."

"So I know from Holly. I'm sorry force of habit, _Harley_ , that the two of you have been having sex for at least twelve months without the use of birth control. She stated that you have sex an average of three times per week. So the first thing I need to know from you is how old were you when you hit puberty?" Eh, he didn't think he was going to be a whole lotta help on a lot of these questions.

"Well Doc, I have no clue. I have no recollection of my past prior to the accident that did this." He motioned to his magnificent white self.

"Oh, well that's going to make things more difficult." She crossed off the entire medical history section of the chart. "Okay moving along then. Have you had any sexual problems in the relationship, such as difficulty maintaining an erection, reduced sexual desire, ejaculating too soon or not being able to ejaculate?" Joker shot a glare sideways at Harley. They had barely begun and he was not at all comfortable with any of this.

"No Doc."

"Well that's not a hundred percent true Puddin." He turned his head and gave her a hostile look.

"What do you mean? We've never had any problems in that area!"

"Not true. You do have reduced sexual desire. Any time you're working on a scheme to mess with B-man!"

"Well that's when I'm working, it doesn't count!" Dr. Radcliffe needed to reign them in before they got too far off track.

"Okay then, next question. Have you noticed any swelling in the scrotum or around the testicles?"

"No certainly not."

"Any history of infections including any STD's?" Joker felt humiliated and wanted to melt into the chair.

"No."

"Do you smoke?"

"Only the occasional cigar."

"Do you use alcohol or recreational drugs?"

"I appreciate a good cognac every now and then."

"Have you had any exposure to pesticides, chemicals or radiation?"

"Yes, yes and yes."

She ran through about twenty more questions before she closed the patient file.

"Okay, the first thing we need to do is run a semen analysis. Once that is complete we'll move on to the physical exam. If you'll follow me, please?"

She led the couple down a hallway. She stopped at a wooden door which she opened. It was fairly bare. There was an examination table, a chair and a table with several stacks of magazines. The doctor went to a cabinet and retrieved a small plastic cup with a screw on lid and handed it to Joker. His jaw clenched.

"What exactly am I doing with this Doc?"

"You're going to go inside this room and provide me with a semen sample Mr. Joker. Harley and I will wait in my office. There are magazines at your disposal if you need them."

"Oh no. No way! There has to be another way."

"Well there is but it's not nearly as pleasant." The doctor walked over to a cabinet and extracted a very long, very painful looking hypodermic needle. "If you don't want to do this the natural way, then drop your pants and hop up on the examination table and I'll extract the sample directly from your testes."

His eyes widened as he realized what she intended to do. He backpedaled.

"OK Doc! You talked me into it. Magazines it is." He glared at Harley as he pointed his finger in her face. "You are so gonna get it when we get home!"

He walked into the room and slammed the door behind him. Harley and Dr. Radcliffe waited patiently for Joker to return with his sample but after several minutes he still hadn't emerged. The doctor looked mildly concerned.

"Does it usually take him this long?" Harley blushed.

"Well the truth is Doc, he doesn't, um, self-pleasure." The doctor was taken aback.

"Ever?"

"No not ever." A few moments later Joker screamed from the other side of the door.

"Haaarrrllleeeyyy!" She gave the doctor an apologetic look.

"I had a feeling this might happen. Um, do you mind if I um, _assist_?" Dr. Radcliff sighed.

"Yes, that's fine. But please refrain from oral manipulation. Any saliva in the sample will deteriorate the sperm." Harley was turning several different shades of red and couldn't meet the doctor's eyes.

"What about, you know. Coitus Interruptus?"

"It's not ideal, manual stimulation would be best but if it's the only way, then do what you need to. I'll just be in here. With the door closed." Harley's face brightened.

"Thanks Doc. I'll just be a few minutes."

Harley walked to the end of the hallway and knocked on the door.

"Puddin, it's just me. Open up."

The door opened a crack and she was suddenly grabbed by the collar of her shirt and pulled into the room. Joker looked absolutely furious.

"I can't believe the indignity you're putting me through Harley! Look at this!" He pointed to the magazines. "Not a speck of blood anywhere, just fake boobs and ridiculous facial expressions! Who can get off on this junk? At least give me a Guns and Ammo for Christ's sake!"

"It's okay Puddin. I'm here to assist you." He visibly relaxed.

"Thank God!" He dropped his pants. "Get on your knees and work your magic Harls."

"Um, not that way Pud. Saliva will compromise the sample." He looked completely galled as he stared at her.

"Then what good are you gonna be? You know a handy isn't gonna do it for me!"

"Well there is another way." She unbuttoned her skirt and let it drop to the floor, then slowly pulled her shirt and sweater over her head. He gaped at her.

"We're gonna do it, right here in the doctor's office?" She giggled.

"Uh huh. I think it's kinda naughty, don't you?"

"I suppose so. I'm still not sure I'm comfortable with this Poo."

She wrapped her arms around his neck as she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. He reciprocated, although not as whole heartedly as he would have had they been home.

"Aww c'mon Daddy, your little girl has missed you all week."

She took him in her hand and began to stroke him. It took a little longer than usual but eventually his body began to respond.

"Pumpkin, if this is gonna happen, I'm going to have to be a little rough on you." She bit his ear and whispered, "Be as rough as you need to Daddy, so long as you pull out in time to collect the sample."

Dr. Radcliffe sat in her office waiting for the couple to return. What the hell had she gotten herself into? She had no idea when she got up this morning that she'd have the Joker and Harley Quinn screwing in her office. She heard banging and crashing coming from the room at the end of the hallway. Against her better judgement she decided to ignore it. She didn't even want to try to guess what was going on in there.

About fifteen minutes later the couple emerged, looking flushed and satiated. Harley had a Cheshire grin and triumphantly carried the sealed sample in her hand. As the doctor took it from her she noticed the numerous bite marks and bruises beginning to flower on Harley's skin. 'Why me?' she thought to herself. Joker was smiling and came behind his girlfriend to wrap his arms around her waist.

"Now _that_ was something else cupcake. Thanks for giving Daddy a hand." Dr. Radcliffe threw up in her mouth a little.

"I'm going to go run your analysis now. Please, help yourself to some hand sanitizer and I'll be back in about thirty minutes." She rushed as quickly as she deemed was still professional out of the room and into her lab.

As promised thirty minutes later the doctor came back with the results.

"Okay, so I know why you've been having problems conceiving." They both looked at her expectantly.

"So what seems to be the trouble Doc?" Harley asked.

"Well, the average sperm count is about 120-350 million per cubic centimeter. Joker is coming in at about 30 million. Also, of the 30 million many of his sperm have motility issues as there are some deformities present. I attribute this primarily to your exposure to the chemicals that altered your skin and hair color." Harley's eyes filled with tears.

"So what does that mean Doc? Can we not have a baby?" Joker reached over and squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"No, not necessarily. What we need to do is focus on getting his sperm count up. There are many ways of achieving this. First I suggest a major change in diet. You'll need to avoid animal products such as beef, chicken, pork, milk and dairy products. You should try to incorporate as many fruits vegetables, whole grains and legumes as possible especially anything that contains anti-oxidants. You'll want to buy organic whenever possible to reduce exposure to chemicals, hormones and pesticides. You'll have to eliminate all alcohol, caffeine and tobacco. Avoid refined carbohydrates, chlorinated water, and any fried, charcoal broiled or barbecued forms of cooking. You'll need to take nutritional supplements. Also, use only non-bleached coffee filters and paper products and do not use any plastic containers, wraps and utensils. A good rule of thumb is to avoid anything synthetic." The Joker gaped at her.

"But that's everything in life I love! Is this some kind of cruel torture you're putting me through to make me pay for my past crimes or what Doc?"

"Not at all. Most of the men who come to see me go through the exact same thing. You only need to keep it up until Harley's pregnant, then life can go back to normal again. If you really want a child this is what you'll have to do." She reached in her desk and pulled out a thick pamphlet and handed it to Harley. "This outlines the diet and supplements. When you should be having sex and when you shouldn't. What products to use and what to avoid. Follow this to a tee and your chances of conceiving will be much, much better within a couple of months. Oh and Joker?" He looked sullenly at the doctor.

"Yeah Doc?"

"No more hot showers or baths. Cold is best but lukewarm is acceptable if necessary. Heat is a major factor in diminished sperm count. Keep your testicles cool, so no tight underwear and no extended periods of sitting." She handed him another empty sample cup. "I'll want to see you back in six weeks to re-evaluate your semen. You can take the sample at home the day of your appointment."

The doctor escorted them out to the rear entrance. Harley was ecstatic but Joker looked like a dead man walking. He hadn't said anything for several minutes but as soon as they hit the car he lost it.

"I should throttle you to within an inch of your life you selfish, worthless imbecile! I can't believe you made me go through that! Do you have any idea how humiliating that was?" She screwed up her face before shouting back.

"Yeah, actually I know pretty well how humiliating it was. How do you think I felt when I went through it? And I did it alone I might add! At least I was there to support you!" Lewis flicked his eyes up to the rearview very briefly then flicked them back forward and tried to pretend he wasn't really there. He wasn't sure what was going on but it seemed more personal than he should probably be exposed to. Joker held up the empty sample cup as he yelled at Harley.

"At least she didn't make you cu-" Joker suddenly came back to himself just in time to avoid revealing too much information. He'd hate to have to kill Lewis, he was a good henchman. He shoved the plastic cup in his coat pocket. "Look Harley, we'll talk about this when we get home, okay Pumpkin." He said through gritted teeth.

"Fine Mistah J. But I'm telling you right now, starting tomorrow you're following this plan."

"Oh no I'm not!"

"Oh yes you are, or I'm going to go completely batshit crazy and I'll be taking you with me!" She shrieked.

"How is that any different than any other day of the week?" He deadpanned.

"And then Red is gonna have a field day playing gossip monger at your expense!" He glowered at her.

"Oh that is it! You better be ready for a whole world of pain when we get home little girl, because Daddy has just about _had it_ with you!"

They rode the rest of the way home in silence, each seething at the other. When they reached the ha-hacienda Lewis couldn't get out of there fast enough. He wasn't sure what the hell was going on and he didn't want to know, which was likely the best thing for his health, both physical and mental.

Joker and Harley didn't even talk to each other for the rest of the night. Harley threw a blanket and pillow into the hallway and locked herself in the bedroom and Joker grabbed them and slept on the couch. They had plenty of time to argue tomorrow anyway.


	4. Chapter 4

Legacy Chapter 4

Harley, who normally enjoyed sleeping in, was up before dawn. She was hoping to sneak out before J woke up. She just didn't think she could deal with his attitude today and she had too much she needed to get done. She crept silently around the apartment trying to get ready. She needed to go to the paper mill to pick a few of her least favorite henches to do some work around their apartment then she'd go to Pam's until the stores opened. As she tiptoed to the kitchen to write J a quick note she tripped over something lying in the middle of the hallway and fell onto her hands and knees with a loud thud.

"Ouch! What the hell?" She picked up the object that had tripped her up. She sighed as she realized J had just kicked his shoes off right in the middle of the hallway last night.

"What are you doing sneaking around in the dark?" She heaved out another heavy sigh.

"Trying to not wake you up." She stood up with J's shoes in one hand and flicked on the hallway light. They both squinted at the sudden brightness. "Thanks for leaving these for me to trip over." She said as she held up his shoes. He was leaning against the door frame in his boxer shorts and tank top, his green hair messy and standing straight up on one side.

"Well where else was I going to put them? You locked me out of my own bedroom!" She brushed past him into the living room to collect the rest of his clothes so she could put them away. He noticed she was fully dressed already. "What are you doing up so early anyway?"

"I have a lot to do today." She replied as she gathered up the clothing strewn across the living room furniture. "I wanted to get an early start." He raised an eyebrow at her.

"You were trying to avoid me weren't you?" She brushed back past him so she could go hang up his clothes.

"Well after last night, can you really blame me?" He followed her into the bedroom. "We're trying to have a child which means you _really_ need to grow up a little Mistah J."

"I have to grow up? Well if that's not the pot calling the kettle black, I don't know what is!" She put away the last of his clothes, closed the wardrobe and turned with her hands on her hips.

"Look clown, you have very few responsibilities in this relationship! I do the cooking, the cleaning, the shopping and the laundry. I make sure you have everything and anything you could possibly want or need and I still go out on jobs with you, all so you can sit at your desk and work on your stupid schemes for Batsy! Do I ever get any appreciation for it? No! Have I ever asked you for anything more than a little attention now and then? No! Now I finally ask you for one little thing and you're acting like a spoiled five year old!" He looked at her in disbelief.

"One little thing? _One_ little thing? You want me to turn my entire life upside down and you consider it one little thing?" She rolled her eyes. This was exactly why she was trying to sneak out in the first place.

"Yeah. I do. I _gave up_ my entire _life_ for you! I lost my family, my career, my medical license, my friends and my freedom to be by your side and all I've ever wanted in return is your affection and to one day have your child. So you have to change your diet for a few months, whoopty shit! Poor fucking you, you big baby!" She yelled as she threw her hands in the air. He was a little taken aback, Harley only dropped f-bombs when she was really, really, _really_ pissed off. "Maybe for once in your miserable life you can stop being so God damn selfish and think about someone else's needs for a change!" She pulled her coat from the closet and threw it on then grabbed her bag and stormed past him to the front door. She turned abruptly to face him and he jumped a little, not having expected the action. She poked her index finger in the middle of his chest. "Some of the boys will be here working today, and if you know what's good for ya, you won't interfere. Got it creep?"

The two of them had fought plenty over the past fifteen years but he couldn't recall a time she had looked at him with that kind of contempt in her eyes.

"C'mon Pumpkin, don't be like that."

"Don't you _Pumpkin_ me! I'm outta here!" She slammed the door so hard on the way out the window's shook.

The sun was just coming up over the horizon as she walked the three blocks to the paper mill. She banged on the outer door and a moment later Lewis opened it looking bleary eyed. She had apparently just woken him. She walked past him into the dilapidated building.

"Harley, what's wrong?" Lewis looked different without the trademark beanie he normally wore on his bald head. He was in sweatpants and a wife beater which showed off the tattoos on his café au lait colored skin. She looked into his deep brown eyes.

"Lewis, I'm gonna need you to drive me to Pam's." He could tell she was out of sorts.

"Sure Harley, no problem. You okay? Cause no offense girl, but you look like a ticking time bomb today." She huffed out an annoyed breath, slumped into a nearby chair and rubbed her temples.

"It's Mistah J, Lewis. He's making me crazy! I know that's not unusual, but for the first time in our lives I really need him to stand by me and I think he's about to let me down. This could end up being the deal-breaker. I love him, Lewis. You know I do. But if he can't be selfless enough to do this one thing for me, I think we might be over for good." Lewis felt for her. He saw the crap she had to put up with to be the Joker's girl and knew how little she got back out of the relationship. He wasn't sure what the stakes were now but he didn't have a whole lot of faith that Joker would make any kind of sacrifice for her.

"I guess this has something to do with our little excursion last night?"

"Yeah, Lewis, it does but since I don't want to see you get shot, you're better off being in the dark on this one." She looked around the room. "Is the Chuckle Patch here?" That made Lewis smile. Harley only nicknamed the guys she didn't like very much. This particular group of henchmen she despised for various reasons and they always got the shit jobs. She must have something particularly unpleasant for them to do.

"Yeah, they here. Ya want me to go get 'em?"

"Yeah if you wouldn't mind, I've screamed enough for one morning already."

Lewis went to the back and sent out Smiley, Chuckles, Happy and Jolly which were Harley's individual nicknames for these four morons. They were none too pleased to be summoned by Harley at this time of the day to do something they were certainly going to hate.

"Get over here you lugs! I gotta job for you." Harley outlined what the four were to do and were warned that J would probably not be happy about it. They hemmed and hawed but they knew better than to challenge Harley's authority. They had learned that she could be just as scary if not scarier than J could be when provoked. Harley felt a little lighter after distressing the Chuckle Patch. She smiled at Lewis.

"So you wanna get changed so we can blow this popsicle stand or what, Lewis?"

"Be back in five."

Twenty minutes later Lewis was dropping Harley off at Pam's brownstone in East Park Side across from Robinson Park.

"You gonna need me to come get you later Harley?"

"Nah, Pam will drive me home, but I'll need you to send the Chuckle Patch out with the panel van later to make a pickup, so keep your cell on you, okay?"

"You got it. Keep your chin up girl. Maybe J will surprise you."

"Thanks Lewis, I appreciate the vote of confidence."

Harley climbed the front steps of Pam's place as Lewis drove off. She knocked and was greeted by a bright and sunny Pamela.

"Hey Harl, come on in. I have coffee brewing."

"Oh thank God. It might be the last cup I get for a while." Pam walked into her kitchen and poured two steaming mugs of the dark liquid. Harley picked hers up and cradled it in front of her nose as she breathed in the rich aroma.

"Why will it be _your_ last cup? You're not the one with a low sperm count." Harley set down her mug so she could add sugar and cream.

"Well I think the only way to get J on track is to give him no choice, which means I'll be stuck eating and drinking the same stuff he will. In fact, I have the Chuckle Patch over there right now cleaning house." Pam's eyes twinkled mischievously.

"Oh really? Is J going to be home while this is going on?" Harley gave Pam a lopsided grin.

"As far as I know he is. I told him he had better not interfere." Pam laughed out loud.

"Oh I guarantee at least one of them gets shot today! How delightful. And how clever of you kill two birds with one stone."

Meanwhile in Coventry, Joker was in his office doing some research online when he heard a knock at the front door. He looked out the peephole and saw Spike, Byron, Jimmy and Lee standing there. Oh no, she sent the damn Chuckle Patch. This can't be good, he thought to himself. He reluctantly opened the door.

"Hey boss. Harley sent us to do some work."

"Yes, yes. She warned me. Do what you need to, just stay out of my office."

He didn't even want to know what she was up to at this point. He went back into his office, locked the door and opened his browser back up to the male infertility sites he had found. Harley had made him feel guilty earlier, which was a strange emotion for him. He really had done some truly horrible things to her over the years, and she was right, she really didn't ask for much in return for her devotion to him. Maybe he could at least _try_ to get with the program and give her this one, albeit considerable, thing she was asking of him.

He felt like he needed to talk to someone but it couldn't be one of the rogues. He considered landing on the roof of the GCPD and lighting the Bat-signal. Talking to Batsy always made him feel better, but there was the possibility of getting thrown back into Arkham and if that happened Harley would skin him alive. Well that left only one other option. He printed off the page he had open on his screen. Then he got dressed, grabbed his gun, a few knives and a roll of duct tape and headed to the foyer. The Chuckle Patch were in the kitchen sweeping the contents of the cabinets and fridge into large plastic garbage bags.

"Boys, I'm heading out. Lock up when you leave." The Chuckle Patch looked decidedly relieved.

"You got it boss."

Harley and Pam were on the Upper East Side at the Gotham Organic Foods. Harley opted for a red wig today and Pamela decided on the blonde. They pushed their carts as Harley loaded them up with fruits, vegetables, whole grains and seafood.

"I can't believe you're actually going to handle fish Harl. I thought just the smell of it made you sick." Harley grabbed a bag of garlic cloves and dropped them in her cart.

"Well it does, but J can't have many other meats so I don't really have a choice. If he's gotta suffer I guess I gotta suffer a little too. If it ends up in a pregnancy it'll all be worth it in the end."

"Do you really think you're going to get him to do this? It's a pretty big life change and we both know how much J _loves_ change." Pam said sarcastically.

"Yeah about as much as a trip to Arkham. I don't know Red, but as I said to Lewis earlier if he won't, this could really be the end for us." Pam looked at her skeptically.

"You don't really mean that. You two break up all the time and you always get back together." Harley's face was downcast.

"Actually I really do Red. If he won't at least try then I don't think I can forgive him this time. C'mon let's check out. We still have to go find a juicer and a water delivery service that doesn't use plastics and it's getting kind of late."

Joker had read online that it was important for men with a low sperm count to manage their stress effectively and suggested counselling as a viable option. Joker was in a small office on the lower west side with Dr. Jeremy Majors who specialized in male infertility counselling. Joker was leaned back on the couch spilling his thoughts on the situation.

"So you see Doc, as much as I might hate it, I really think I owe it to Harley to give this whole thing a try. What's your opinion?" When he didn't get a response he swiveled his head to look at the doctor. "Oh, right. Hold on, let me get that for you."

Joker walked over to the doctor who was firmly duct taped to the chair and ripped the piece that was covering his mouth off. The doctor looked absolutely terrified.

"Please don't kill me!" Joker scoffed.

"I'm here to talk to you about my problems and all you can do is whine? Typical. Well if you're not going to be of any help I guess I'll just have to get rid of you then." Joker pulled out his gun and the doctor's eyes widened.

"No! No wait! Um, so y-yes. It sounds like she's v-very d-devoted. I think it's in the best interest of your r-relationship to get on b-board." Jeremy's eyes shot back and forth looking for any kind way out of his current predicament. "Um, f-fatherhood is a b-big responsibility, but it's also one of the most r-rewarding things a m-man can a-accomplish. If you v-value your p-partner then I t-think you should give it a s-shot."

"Well, what if I go through all of this and we still can't conceive? What then Doc?" He asked as he waved his gun around. He tended to talk with his hands a lot and the gun was simply an extension of that.

"W-well, at l-least your p-partner will know t-that you l-loved her enough to t-try. I-if you s-still c-can't conceive then there a-are other o-options you can t-try next." The counsellor had tears openly streaming down his face and was sweating profusely.

"In Vitro, right Doc? I was reading up on that. Pricey, but money is no object, I have plenty." He pointed the gun at Jeremy as he asked his next question. "But isn't that likely to end up in multiples? I don't know if I can handle more than one at a time."

A horrible smell suddenly hit Joker as he saw the counsellor's pants go dark at the crotch. Jeremy was openly blubbering and begging to be released now.

"Oh for the love of Pete, Doc! Ya know, I thought we were finally starting to make a connection and then you go and crap yourself. That just won't do at all. Well, they said on the internet that sometimes you have to see several counsellors before you find the right one. Sorry Doc, I just don't think we're gonna be a good fit." He pointed the gun in Jeremy's face and pulled the trigger. Joker howled in laughter as the counsellor's brains splattered on the minimalist painting on the wall behind the body. "Well that's an improvement, that painting was hideous!"

Pam and Harley finally finished their shopping and Harley was on the phone with Smiley giving him directions. She wanted the Chuckle Patch to come pick up their purchases and deliver them to the apartment while she and Red grabbed a late lunch.

"Huh. They're all still alive. Mistah J stepped out, go figure. Oh well, I'll get them killed sooner or later."

"Harley, why do you keep them on if you and J hate them so much?" Harley giggled.

"Cannon fodder. I get to save the henches I do like by sending those four idiots into the line of fire." Pam shook her head.

"You know, we've been friends for a long time, but I don't know if I'll ever fully understand you." Harley stabbed her fork into the salad she had in front of her.

"And that's why I'm with Mistah J. We get one another. Our respective madness just fits together." Harley sighed. "I really hope he's not looking for another fight when I get home. Although when he sees what I did to the lab he's probably gonna give me a black eye." Red looked interested. Anything that made Joker suffer gave Pam great pleasure.

"What exactly did you do to it?" Harley swallowed the bite she was chewing.

"I had it dismantled and moved to the paper mill and had the outer door fitted with locks Mistah J can't pick. And it'll stay locked until I'm pregnant. He can't be exposed to any chemicals or it'll affect his sperm count." Red looked very pleased.

"You realize that if you sold the rights and let Goth TV put cameras in your house, this would make the best reality television show ever, right? I know I'd pay to see it!"

"Red you're terrible!"

Joker returned home in a much better mood than when he left. He opened the door to the apartment and stared in shock. It looked like they'd been robbed. He walked from room to room. Most of the electronics were gone. The cupboards and the fridge were completely bare. He walked towards his office and noticed the door to his in-home lab cracked. He swung the door all the way open and almost had a heart attack.

"My lab, what happened to my lab? My chemicals, my explosives, all of my wonderful toys….all gone. Haaaarrrllleeeyyy!"

At that exact moment Happy entered the apartment with the first load of groceries. Joker ran out into the hallway and saw him and Happy froze in place.

"YOU! You dismantled my lab!" He stalked towards the scared henchman like a jungle cat on the scent. "Why did you dismantle my lab?" Joker pulled a gun and Happy turned to run. He wasn't fast enough because Joker's bullet hit him square in the back of the skull and Happy's body slumped to the floor as a pool of blood began to spread out from the bullet hole.

Harley was just getting out of the car when she heard the gunshot.

"Oh shit, Red I gotta go!" She didn't even wait for a response she bolted inside taking the stairs two at a time. The rest of the Chuckle Patch stood frozen on the stairs. "Get outta the way you maroons!"

Harley made it in the door to see Happy lying dead on the floor and Joker smiling over the body. Joker felt better now after two murders in one day.

"You killed Happy." He looked up to see Harley standing there.

"Yeah well you had them dismantle my lab! Someone had to pay for it. You didn't want it to be you did you?"

"You're being a lot calmer about this than I thought you would."

"Yeah well, I went to talk to someone and I'm feeling better about things now." She gave him a puzzled look.

"Who'd you talk to, Harvey?" Joker looked around.

"Is the rest of the Chuckle Patch cowering in the stairwell?" Harley nodded. "Well why don't we get them to clean this up and we can go into the other room and talk about it."

"Okay Puddin." She leaned out the door and screamed down the stairs. "Hey you stooges, get back to work, and clean this mess up when you're done!"

She followed J into the bedroom and he closed and locked the door behind them. They both sat down on the bed not knowing exactly what to expect from the other. Harley decided to begin.

"Who did you go and talk to Puddin?"

"Well after you left I put some thought into what you said to me this morning and you're right." She was taken aback.

"I am?"

"Yes Pumpkin, you are. You do so much for me and you rarely ask me for anything. I was doing a little online research and one website suggested that counselling was a good idea. So I had a little meeting with one and I've come out of the experience with a new perspective." Harley was dumbfounded.

"You're joking." He scoffed.

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

"Well, you kind of always look like you're joking. That's why they call you the Joker, isn't it?"

"Well I'm _not_ joking this time. I really did go see a counsellor and although it was _mostly_ a one sided conversation I decided that it won't kill me to accommodate you. As of right now, I'm on board. Bring on the torture baby!" Harley's entire face lit up.

"Really? Do you really mean it Puddin?"

"As much as I know I'm going to regret it, yes Poo, I really mean it. Let's make a kid!"

Harley launched herself at Joker tackling him onto his back as she assaulted him with kisses.

"Oh Puddin, I'm so proud of you. Thank you for finally coming around. You have just made me so happy!"

"Well, I suppose I owe you. I know I'm sometimes not the best boyfriend I can be." She gazed lovingly into his eyes.

"You are to me Puddin. I wouldn't want anyone else in the entire world. You've always been the only guy for me." She kissed him deeply until something occurred to her. "So what happened to the counsellor?"

"Oh him? He crapped his pants and I had to shoot him in the head."

"No wonder you're in such a good mood."

"Oh I am indeed Pumpkin. So good in fact, I think we should give making a baby another go right now."

"Oh Mistah J."

What was left of the Chuckle Patch were busy cleaning up their dead compatriot in the hallway when they heard the strange noises coming from Joker and Harley's bedroom. They suddenly began working much faster. They felt they had been subjected to enough indignity for one day. They didn't get out before hearing a breathy,

"Oooh Mistah J, you know how much I love the joy buzzer!"

They practically tripped over one another as they dragged the corpse out of the apartment and locked the door on the way out.


	5. Chapter 5

Legacy Chapter 5

The next morning Harley was in the kitchen attempting to figure out the new juicer. She could have read the instructions of course, but what was the fun in that. Instead she ended up with several green and orange splotches on the kitchen ceiling. Eventually she got the hang of the thing and started on J's green fertility smoothie. She started with two apples, three stalks of celery, one whole cucumber, fresh ginger root, a whole lemon and lime both with the rind left on, a handful of parsley and two cups of kale. It was a bright green that resembled nuclear waste. She stuck her finger into the concoction and cautiously slipped it in her mouth for a quick taste test. Her mouth puckered.

"Oh God, that's disgusting! Maybe I can disguise it with some more apple."

She threw another couple of apples in the juicer and added it to his glass as J came into the kitchen walking just a little bit funny.

"Why exactly is it that I have to use that coarse, brown, recycled toilet paper Harls? I feel like I just wiped myself with sandpaper."

"Because it'll reduce your dioxin exposure."

"My what?" Harley opened her mouth to answer him. "Ya know what, no, never mind I really don't care. Is breakfast ready yet?" Harley tried to look positive.

"Yup, um, here ya go Mistah J." She held out the toxic looking drink.

"What in the green gravy is that?" He asked dubiously. "Actually it really does look like green gravy."

"It's your fertility smoothie. C'mon Pud you said you'd at least try to follow your plan."

"I know, I know. Looks ain't everything I guess." He took the glass from Harley's hand. "Well, here goes nothing." Joker took a big swig from the mug and his eyes started to water. He forced the foul brew down his gullet. He immediately set the glass down and grabbed the nearby dishtowel from the counter and rapidly began wiping the remnants of the putrescence off his tongue. Harley had to stifle a laugh. "Harley, are you trying to kill me?" He shouted in annoyance. "That has to be the single most disgusting meal you have ever made, and that's _really_ saying something!"

"Well, it's not _my_ recipe! I got it off Dr. Oz!"

"The next time we're in New York remind me to kill that putz. Slowly! Surely there's something at least semi-normal I can eat?" Harley's face brightened.

"I can make you oatmeal with fresh berries if you want, Pud." He sat down on a stool at the kitchen counter and looked at Harley morosely.

"Anything has to be better than that noxious ooze." Harley poured him a glass of water and brought him over a cup full of tablets.

"Here Mistah J, while I cook your oatmeal why don't you take your supplements. The coffee should be ready by then."

"Coffee?" J said spiritedly. "I thought I wasn't allowed coffee."

"Well it's decaf, but it's better than nothing." She found the oatmeal, pulled out a clean pot and began cooking. Joker dumped the cup of pills onto the countertop. There were twenty different colored tablets in all.

"What the hell? Did you and Pam rob a Vitamin Shoppe yesterday or what Harls? What is all of this?" She glanced over her shoulder at his sullen face.

"Just vitamins, minerals and herbal supplements to help strengthen your little swimmers Pud." She rolled her eyes. "Just take them already. Your oatmeal is almost ready." She topped the bowl of oatmeal with blueberries, goji berries and sliced strawberries. Joker was choking down the multitude of pills as she placed the steaming bowl in front of him.

"You know I like milk on my oatmeal Harley."

"Well you can't have regular milk." She opened the fridge and grabbed a small rectangular cardboard container and set it down next to Joker's elbow. "I bought you almond milk instead."

" _Almond_ milk? Oh for the love of God! Harley you _are_ trying to torture me aren't you?"

"Oh stop your whining and just try it, you might actually like it." She poured two mugs of decaf coffee and placed one down in front of him. She opened the almond milk, poured some in her mug and added some sugar. "See, it's not so bad." She sipped her coffee and made a face. "It's just going to take a little getting used to, that's all."

"Awww, just forget it."

Joker mumbled incoherently under his breath as he spooned the tasteless mush into his mouth. Harley sat next to him to eat her organic coconut milk yogurt topped with fresh fruit. When he finished Joker left his dirty dishes for Harley to take care of and headed towards the bathroom.

"I'm going to go shower Harl." She looked up from her breakfast.

"Don't forget, no hot showers. Set the temperature as cold as you can stand." He just growled in response. Well at least he hadn't lashed out yet, Harley thought. He would eventually, no doubt about it, but if they could at least get through one day without an episode there was hope.

Later in the day Harley was in what used to be J's lab doing some exercises when she heard him yell to her from the living room.

"Harley! What's wrong with the Wi-Fi?"

She stopped mid crunch and sighed. She walked into the living room to see Joker stretched out on the couch with the laptop perched on his thighs.

"Mistah J! Get the laptop off your lap!" He swiftly turned his head to give her a perplexed look.

"It's called a _lap_ top for a reason and why can't I log into the Wi-Fi?"

"I already told you why!"

"You act like I actually listen to you when you prattle on incessantly." He replied bitterly. She crossed her arms over her chest and gave him the evil eye.

"Well how about you actually listen this time then. We don't have Wi-Fi anymore and you can't have your electronics anywhere near your body. So keep the laptop on the table and keep your cell phone out of your pocket!"

"Well that's annoying. So can ya tell me again why that is?" She raised her eyes to the ceiling and sighed.

"The laptop creates heat so it needs to stay off your lap, your cell phone emits radiation in the form of electromagnetic waves and Wi-Fi has been scientifically proven to kill sperm. You still have a wired internet connection in your office, so go in there to fart around online!" She stormed out of the living room, went to her purse and pulled out the pamphlet Dr. Radcliffe gave her then went back in to J. "As a matter of fact, here." She tossed the booklet at him. "They're your nuts, so maybe you should read this already since you don't seem to want to listen to me!"

"Well you're the one that wants them to bear fruit! There's no need to get all huffy, Harls." She facepalmed.

"Mistah J, I love you, but we haven't even gotten through the first day and you're already making me crazy!"

"You're already crazy! And how do you think I feel? I'm the one who's being tormented here!" She huffed out an annoyed breath.

"You act like I'm not doing this with you! Well maybe not the cold shower thing, but I'm doing everything else, so can you maybe stop playing the martyr?" Before he could start another argument she turned to leave. "I'm going for a run, you should try to find something to keep yourself occupied while I'm gone."

Harley put on a baseball cap, sunglasses and a hoodie to help conceal her identity while she ran. Their current hideout wasn't far from Gotham University so she decided to head in that direction and get a look at her old alma mater. It felt great to get out of the house. It was early spring and the cherry blossoms had just started to bloom. The campus hadn't changed much since she was a psychology student here. It had only been sixteen years but it felt like an eternity. As she jogged past the English department she noticed a green sedan idling at the curb with a very familiar person sitting behind the wheel. She doubled back, ducked down into the open passenger side window and yelled.

"BOO!" Jonathan Crane also known as the Scarecrow jumped, bumping his head on the roof of the car. He glared at her for a moment until recognition set in. Harley couldn't help giggling. "Some Master of Fear you are Jonathan. I thought you were going to have a stroke."

"Harley, don't do that! What are you doing here?" She thought the running shorts and sneakers made it kind of obvious but she humored him.

"Jogging. What are _you_ doing here? Ain't ya afraid of being recognized?" Jonathan was once a professor here and was actually one of Harley's mentors until he was sacked for firing a gun in class.

"Well I will admit to being a little nervous but I'm here to pick up Lily. She should be along any moment." Harley's eyes widened and a smile spread across her face.

"Is Lily your new girlfriend?" Jonathan's face filled with pride.

"Yes, she is. She's a professor of Literature here at the University. She truly is a joy."

"Jonathan I'm so happy for you! So do I get to meet her?"

"Apparently so, because here she is now."

Harley turned and saw a petite brunette headed towards Jonathan's car. She was dressed simply but impeccably and carried a stack of books under one arm. Her round face was plain but friendly and as she drew near Harley noticed her warm brown eyes filled with curiosity. Harley spun and extended her hand to greet her.

"Hi, you must be Lily. Jonathan was just telling me all about you. I'm Harley, an old friend of his."

"I know who you are Doctor Quinzel, Jonathan told me he mentored you when you were his student here. I met your significant other last week. I hope you don't mind me saying so, but you must have the patience of a saint my dear." Harley chuckled.

"Yeah, Mistah J is a lot for most people to handle but what can I say, I love the clown. So if the two of you aren't busy right now, maybe we could grab a quick lunch and get to know one another better?" Lily glanced at Jonathan and she noticed his subtle nod.

"Yes, that would be delightful Harley. We'd love to. Hop in."

An hour later Jonathan, Lily and Harley were laughing over cups of cappuccino at the Iceberg Lounge. Lily was telling the story of how she and Jonathan met at a book signing a few months back. Lily wasn't just a professor of Literature, she was a published author as well, albeit a mostly unknown author. She specialized in horror novels. No wonder the two of them hit it off. Lily laughed as she continued.

"He was so terribly nervous he dropped the book after I handed it back to him. I thought it was very endearing. There I was, meeting the Master of Fear himself, and he looked absolutely terrified. Eventually he overcame it and managed to ask me out for coffee. We've been inseparable ever since." Harley took a sip of her drink and asked.

"So you actually recognized him as the Scarecrow before he asked you out and you still accepted his invitation? Pretty ballsy." Jonathan smiled affectionately at his lover.

"Yes, and it's very lucky for me that she did. I can't ever remember a time I have been so deliriously happy." He looked back over at Harley. "So how is your other half my dear?" Harley rolled her eyes.

"Being difficult as usual. That's why I was out running, he's making me nuts today."

"And why should today be any different from any other day?" Jonathan replied with an amused air.

"Well I really can't say. It's all very hush, hush. Oh crap, what time is it?" Lily looked at her watch.

"It's two in the afternoon Harley." Harley looked mildly panicked.

"I hate to do this to ya, but do ya think you can bring me home. I gotta get Mistah J some lunch, I should have been home an hour ago."

"Why don't we order him something and bring it with us." Asked Lily.

"No I can't he's on this special fertility diet and it's very restrictive." Replied Harley absentmindedly. Jonathan started.

"Fertility diet?" Harley froze, did she actually say that?

"Um, I ahh. Oh crap. Jonathan please, you can't say anything to anybody! J will kill me, for real!" The corner of Jonathan's lip quirked up

"I didn't even know you were trying to conceive. So the mighty Joker has less than average potency, how very interesting." Harley looked completely panicked.

"Seriously Jonathan, not a single word! To anybody! Promise me!" Jonathan pursed his lips.

"You are just taking all of the fun out of this for me you know."

" _JONATHAN!"_ Screamed Harley

"Fine! I promise not to tell a soul." Harley's shoulders finally relaxed. "Come on, we'll bring you home."

A short drive later and they arrived at Harley and Joker's home. Jonathan raised his eyes to the rearview mirror to meet Harley's.

"This is a new hideout, I've never been here before."

"Would you like to come in, I'll give ya the nickel tour." Jonathan smiled broadly.

"That would be enchanting." Harley opened the door to the apartment and yelled.

"Mistah J, I hope you're decent. We got company!" She turned to Jonathan. "Remember, you promised."

"I'll be as good as my word." She showed them the kitchen, the spare bedroom and then brought them into the living room thinking J would be in there.

"Hmmm. He must be locked up in his office. Have a seat and I'll go find him. Can I get you two some coffee or tea or anything?" Lily looked at Harley.

"If it's not a bother I would love a cup of tea."

"No problem, let me find J and I'll be right back with some." Harley wandered to J's office, the door was closed. She peeked her head in and he was there as she expected, on his computer. "Puddin. Come on out we have company." He swiveled his head to look at her.

"Who's here?"

"Jonathan and his girlfriend Lily. I ran into them earlier, we had lunch." Joker wrinkled his nose.

"Do I have to?"

"Yes you have to, come on. I'm gonna make them some tea. Be nice."

"I don't do nice." Harley rolled her eyes.

"Then be polite at least. Jonathan is our friend and Lily is really nice, I like her. Don't scare them off." He groaned but got up and followed her. Harley ducked into the kitchen and Joker went to the living room to deal with his unwanted guests.

"Crane." Jonathan turned to look at J.

"Joker! How have you been? Lovely place you and Harley have here. You remember Lily of course." J grunted a response and sat down in the recliner. Lily smiled sweetly at the clown.

"Pleasure to see you again Joker. Your girlfriend is simply wonderful."

"Yeah, she's ok I guess."

Harley came in with two steaming cups of tea on a tray with a sugar bowl and a small pitcher of almond milk and set it on the coffee table. As Jonathan leaned forward to grab his cup he saw a thick pamphlet on the coffee table and read the cover. Jonathan smiled internally in triumph.

"Oh heaven's, whatever is this? Fifty ways to increase sperm count? Joker, Harley, are you planning a family now?" Jonathan said glibly as he held up the pamphlet. Lily gave Jonathan a sideways glance.

Harley turned white. Joker would have turned white if he hadn't already been so. Harley glared at Jonathan. No wonder he wanted to come in, he was looking for a way to uncover J's problem so he could keep Harley from getting into trouble yet still be able to hang it over J's head. Oh she would get him back for this one way or another.

"Um, well yes Johnny. Actually we are."

"Well Joker, I never thought I'd see the day you'd agree to fatherhood. Low sperm count, eh? Tough break. Well things could be worse I suppose." Joker looked like he was going to launch himself at Jonathan. Harley tried to get a handle on the situation before it got out of hand.

"Well we're just preparing for the worst, just in case. We're starting a family late in life so want to be prepared for anything, ya know? We just started trying really." Lily interjected to help Harley diffuse the tension in the room that was growing.

"Well I believe that's very wise of you Harley. You know I just realized Jonathan and myself have an appointment to keep. We really should be going now." Lily rose from the couch. "Thank you for your hospitality, it was a pleasure to meet you." Joker got up from his chair and grabbed Jonathan by the collar.

"Johnny, should you happen to find it amusing to discuss this I should tell you now that I'll tear your lungs out!" Jonathan smirked.

"Oh goodness no, do I strike you as the type of person to use another man's defects against him?"

"Yes you do."

"Well then, maybe _I_ keep my mouth shut and _you_ owe me a favor."

"Fine Crane, what do you want?"

"I don't know, I haven't thought of it yet. Do we have a deal?" Joker scowled at Crane.

"Fine."

"Delightful. Ta Joker." As soon as Lily and Jonathan departed Joker rounded on Harley.

"I can't believe you brought them here!"

"I can't believe you left that sitting out on the table where anyone could find it! It's not my fault you don't put anything away!"

He stalked towards her and raised his hand like he was about to backhand her. Harley winced and prepared for the blow. When it didn't come she cautiously opened her squinted eyes. He still looked furious but his hand was back down at his side.

"Pud? What's the matter?" he sighed and gave her a bleak look.

"I knew this whole thing was a bad idea. You ever wonder if maybe we weren't meant to be parents Harls?"

"No, never. I know for sure that we are. Please don't think like that." She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist. "You are going to be a great father, Puddin. I know it. You're already a good Daddy to your little Harley-girl."

He kissed her on the top of her head.

"If you say so." She looked up into his face.

"I do say so. You hungry Pud? I can start your supper now if you want." He eyeballed her warily.

"I don't know Harl, you're not going to serve me something else that looks like it came from a toxic waste dump are you?" She giggled.

"No, I think you'll like it."

"Fine, go make yourself useful then. I'm going to try to find something nice and violent to watch to take my mind off of things."

He smacked her ass as she headed to the kitchen. He sat on the couch and turned on the TV wondering when and what kind of favor Crane was going to call in. He hated owing people anything much less a favor, and he really hated owing one to Crane of all people. Oh well, no sense worrying about it now.


	6. Chapter 6

Legacy Chapter 6

Joker found a documentary on World War II to watch while Harley made dinner. It wasn't as violent as he would have liked but it served to distract him anyway. He had the volume fairly loud but he thought he heard Harley gagging in the other room. He muted his program and didn't hear anything so he turned the volume back up. He heard the sound again as something wonderful filled his nostrils. No it couldn't be, he thought. After a few more minutes he was convinced he must be hallucinating, but wanting to be sure he wandered into the kitchen. Harley was standing in front of the stove with a clothespin on her nose.

"What in the world are you doing Poo?" She jumped and turned to see J leaning against the counter behind her.

"I'm cooking your dinner Puddin." Her voice was cute and nasally.

"No I mean _that_." He pointed to the clothespin. She grabbed a spatula to move the food she was working on from the frying pan to the plate on the countertop.

"Well, you know I have this thing about fish. It was making me sick trying to prepare it so this ended up being the best solution in a pinch." He smiled when he realized she had cooked salmon. He thought he smelled fish, he wasn't hallucinating after all. He smiled widely.

"You made me salmon? Harl, in all our years together you have never once cooked fish. Why the change of heart?" She grinned as she presented the plate to him. The fish was on a bed of yellow and red peppers with a side of rice and steamed spinach.

"Well I know this new diet is restrictive and since you can't have beef, pork or chicken I needed to make sure you're getting enough lean protein, so I'm stuck with seafood at least some of the time."

He sniffed the plate, savoring the aroma. He brought it over to the counter while Harley grabbed him utensils. He took a bite and was very pleased to discover that his girl had done a great job with it.

"You've really outdone yourself Pumpkin. This is terrific!" She beamed at him, relishing the compliment.

"Really? You like it? I wasn't sure I'd be able to cook it right."

"No really, this is great! I'm very impressed Poo." She brought over her plate. She was just having the vegetables and rice.

"Thanks Puddin. I'm really glad you like it. See, I told you this diet wasn't going to be all bad." He took another bite and swallowed before responding.

"Well if I get more meals like this, I just might get through this after all." He patted her on top of her head. "Good job." He chuckled at her. "Are you going to wear that thing all night?" He said as he wiggled the clothespin on her nose.

"I am until we're done and I'm in the other room. I already threw up once." He gave her an indulgent glance.

"Awwww, thanks for suffering through this with me Poobear. It makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one in agony."

After dinner Harley finally removed the clothespin and came out of the kitchen with two bowls.

"Here Puddin, dessert!" She handed him one of the bowls.

"Ice cream? I thought I wasn't allowed dairy?"

"Well don't get too excited, it's coconut milk ice cream topped with dark chocolate, nuts and pumpkin seeds. It's all good for building your sperm up." He took a bite and was happy to discover it was actually pretty good.

"Well you're just full of surprises tonight." He took another bite as he thought. "Do you find it as weird as I do that our main topic of conversation lately is my sperm? She giggled.

"Well yeah kinda, but we're trying to have a baby. It's kind of important to the process Pud."

"I guess. It's still weird though."

Harley grabbed the remote and tuned in to Jeopardy. J always dominated in science, math and history where she was great at all the pop culture and sports categories. The only pop culture references J knew were so outdated they were practically growing mold. She wasn't so lucky with tonight's categories and J was triumphant once again, which was pretty typical anyway.

After the show ended J pulled Harley in close to his side and draped his arm over her shoulders. She leaned into him and nestled her head against his shoulder. He smelled different today, it could be the change in the kind of soap and shampoo they were using, or it could be that he hadn't been playing around in his lab all day with various chemicals and explosives. It wasn't unpleasant.

"Ya know Harl, I read in that book that the only time we can't have sex is the week before you ovulate. When do you ovulate anyway?" Harley looked lovingly up at him.

"You actually read it? Really?"

"Well yeah, I wanted to make sure you weren't putting me through any of this needlessly, ya know." She smiled.

"I ovulate in about ten days." He perked up.

"Really?" he replied as he raised his eyebrows suggestively. "Well then, maybe we better get to it. Strangely enough all this talk about my sperm and testicles lately has kind of put me in the mood. I guess if we're going to talk about them this much I should put them to good use." Harley giggled as a grin crossed her face.

"Oh yeah Puddin? You want to rev up your Harley tonight?" He swiveled and grabbed her around the waist, then threw her over his shoulder as he stood. He placed one hand in between her thighs just under her cleft.

"I do indeed Harley-girl."

"Oooo Puddin, vroom, vroom!"

oOoOoOo

Over the next several days they began to become accustomed to some of the drastic changes in their lives and fell into a sort of routine. J still complained, because well that was just what he did normally anyway and Harley had to mollycoddle him a bit but their arguing had calmed down substantially. That is until Harley started to ovulate.

It began bright and early on the first day. They had morning sex before they had even gotten out of bed to pee, which was fine with J. Two hours later when she accosted him at his desk while he was working was a bit annoying though. At lunchtime he really wasn't in the mood anymore, but she was persistent. Around three in the afternoon she _really_ had to coax Mr. Happy into action. By suppertime he actually tried hiding from her, but she found him crouching in the bedroom closet. He told her he was inspecting for moths. At seven in the evening he whined that he just couldn't do it again, but damn that girl, she had an amazing mouth and his body betrayed him. At ten he only agreed if she promised she would back off and let him get some sleep. He slept like the dead for a full eight hours, something that almost never happened. He hadn't felt this exhausted since the last time he went twelve rounds with Batman.

The minute he opened his eyes she was on him again and the process repeated itself for the next three days in a row. He tried finding better hiding spots but Harley would eventually track him down. By the end of the fourth day he was so sore he was walking with a bowlegged gait and he thought if he _ever_ had to have sex again it would be too soon.

After her ovulation was over things calmed down again, although he had begun to tire of all the damn rabbit food. If he had to chug down one more of those fertility smoothie concoctions, he thought he'd explode. He was dying for a steak, a cigar and a whiskey. The supplements she kept forcing on him had begun to bother him as well. Every time he belched it tasted like fish food smelled, it was horrible. His tush was sore from that awful recycled toilet paper. Now every time he wiped it felt like he was dragging a cactus pad up his ass crack. And that was another thing, all the smoothies, fruits and veggies were making him irregular. In the past his bowels were like clockwork. Now they were unpredictable and inconsistent. He was one very sad clown.

He tried to sneak off to the Iceberg or to the weekly poker game on several occasions but Harley was watching him like a hawk. She knew his resolve to stick with the plan was waning and she was bound and determined to get pregnant, so she was keeping him on a very short leash. He was beginning to feel like a prisoner. As a matter of fact a nice quiet stint in Arkham was starting to look very appealing. At least in there Harley wouldn't be able to get her greedy little hands into his pants ten times a day.

Harley took an at home pregnancy test at least once a week but so far they hadn't gotten lucky. He hoped and prayed that one of these mornings that stupid stick she peed on would come up with a friggin' plus sign, but so far that wasn't in the cards for them.

Finally, their second appointment with Dr. Radcliffe arrived. He had zero interest in suppling a semen sample but again Harley was persistent and he finally gave in and did the deed, albeit as quickly as possible. He just wanted to get it over with.

When the doctor was finished analyzing his sample she came back into her office to deliver the news to the couple.

"So good news! There has been significant improvement in your sperm count Joker. You're up around 50 million sperm per cubic centimeter now. Technically you're within a range where you could possibly get Harley pregnant although it's probably unlikely at this point due to the motility issues. If you continue doing exactly what you're doing, in another few weeks, you should be almost back within a normal range." Harley squealed in joy.

"You hear that Puddin? You've been doing such a good job and all your hard work is paying off!" Joker was being sulky and gloomy this evening.

"Blah, blah, blah. 'Oh good job Joker. Oh your sperm count's up whoopty friggin' doo. Pregnancy this, sex that'." He said in a mocking impersonation of a female voice. "Cut me a freaking break."

"Awww c'mon Pud. It's just for a few more weeks, keep your chin up. We're getting there, it won't be long now." He glared at Harley.

"I don't know if I can take this for a few more weeks!" He spat. Doctor Radcliffe looked at J mildly.

"Joker, you really need to manage your stress. Getting worked up like this could really set you back and then it'll take even longer for you to get Harley pregnant. There are many ways to accomplish this, such as therapy, yoga, tai chi or meditation. Sometimes even picking up a new hobby, like painting or jigsaw puzzles can help, but you definitely need to do something if you don't want to undo all the work you've put into this already."

"Yeah, yeah. We done here Doc?" Dr. Radcliffe stifled her urge to be rude to the curmudgeonly clown. Poor Harley, she couldn't imagine having to put up with him on a daily basis.

"Yes Mr. Joker, you're all finished for this evening. I'd like to see you back in another six weeks please." Joker grabbed Harley's hand roughly and pulled her out of her chair.

"Let's get outs here Harls." She smiled apologetically at the doctor.

"Thanks again Doc. See you in six weeks!"

He dragged her out the door and to the waiting car. Lewis could feel the tension between the two of them and kept his mouth shut. When they were halfway home Joker spied a beacon in the night up ahead and leaned forward towards Lewis.

"Lewis, see that Gothamburger up there? Pull into the drive-thru for me. I need a Jolly-Time Meal and a chocolate shake." Harley glared daggers at Joker.

"Lewis, don't you dare! Mistah J, no! Don't ruin all your hard work now!"

"Lewis, don't listen to her. Shut up Harley! I want a burger and God damn it I'm going to have one!" Lewis watched in the rearview, not sure which boss to listen to. Harley's face filled with disappointment.

"Fine Mistah J. Ya know I never thought I'd have to think of my Puddin, The Clown Prince of Crime as a failure, but here we are. I'm really disappointed in you right now. You worked so hard and now you're throwing it all away because you have a wild hair up your ass all of a sudden. Fine, do whatever you want. When we get home I'm going to call Red, Selina, Jenna and Holly and we'll be going to the Iceberg for a girl's night. I need to vent about everything anyway."

Lewis slowed down when they started arguing, but the entrance to the Gothamburger was coming up and he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. Joker glowered at Harley.

"Don't you dare breathe a word about any of _this_ to any of _them_!"

Lewis slowly turned into the restaurant parking lot as Harley and Joker screamed at one another. He decided to pull over and await further instructions. Neither one of his bosses were paying him any mind at that point anyway.

"I'll breathe whatever words I want to! You're about to take my one dream in life away from me over a God damn burger! You wanna give up, fine, but don't think for one minute I'm not gonna talk about it. As a matter of fact, this is it. I'm done. If a burger is more important than my dream, I'll pack my things when we get home and you never have to see me ever again."

She turned away from him and dourly looked out of her window. She silently let her tears roll down her cheeks. Joker recoiled as if she'd slapped him across the face.

"You're bluffing." She gave him a grave look.

"No Joker, I'm not. We're not married. We're not going to have a family ever so why bother anymore. Go fight Batsy, eat as much red meat as you want and be alone. I'm going to try to pick up the pieces of my life and move on before I'm too old to start over again." Lewis was sitting in the driver seat glancing every so often in the rearview mirror.

"Um, boss? I hate to interrupt but we gotta move. There's a police cruiser pulling in." Joker's expression was a combination of pained and panicked.

"Get going Lewis!" Lewis slowly pulled away to avoid attracting attention and they managed to get away without a problem. Harley's tears continued to fall, but she wasn't hysterical like she'd usually be and that make Joker nervous.

"Harley." He said gently. He reached out and placed his hand on her thigh. She shoved it away from her like it was toxic. "Harley, Pumpkin, look at me." She continued staring out the window and acting as if he didn't exist. They pulled up in front of their apartment and she literally jumped out before the car had come to a complete stop and ran up the stairs before Joker could stand up. Joker sighed.

"I think she means it this time boss." Said Lewis bravely. "Go get your girl, if you love her, go make it right." Joker looked into the open window at Lewis.

"I think you may be right, Lewis. Thanks buddy."

Joker took a deep breath and headed up the stairs. He heard her moving around in the bedroom. She had a large suitcase on the bed and was rapidly throwing her belongings into it. She didn't acknowledge his presence as she rummaged around in the closet.

"Harley, c'mon. Stop all this nonsense and talk to me." She spun around furiously and gave him a contemptible look that turned his heart to ice.

"Of course it's nonsense to you! Anything that has to do with me is nonsense to you. Always has been, always will be."

"Poo, you know that's not true." She went back to packing her things.

"Do I? No, I don't think that I do."

She went to go to the bathroom to pack her cosmetics and toiletries but he stepped in front of her. She physically shoved him out of her way and continued on her path. He followed her feeling slightly dejected. Usually when she left there was fighting and dramatics and sobbing. This felt different. This felt decisive and final and he thought it was slightly possible that he had finally pushed her a little too far.

"Harley, Poobear don't be like this. Daddy's sorry, really. I wasn't thinking." She brushed past him to put her things in her suitcase.

"Of course you weren't. You're like that, all you ever think about is yourself, everything is always all about you. Just like your excuses for every single thing. _'I'm the Joker._ ' Like that's supposed to excuse you for acting like an insensitive dickhead all the time." Wow, them's fighting words, he really had pushed her too far.

"Harley, you're really leaving me because I wanted a cheeseburger I never even got? Come now Pumpkin, doesn't that seem a little silly?" She threw the items in her hands angrily into the suitcase and put her hands on her hips.

"And ya see, this is exactly why I'm done with you Joker. You just don't get it! You can't see things from my perspective so you don't even know why I'm upset! And this time, I'm not gonna bother wasting my breath to explain it to ya! You never listen to me anyway."

She got down on her hands and knees and pulled out a lockbox from under the bed. It was full of money from the jobs she'd pull with Ivy when she and J were broken up and diamonds she hadn't fenced yet. She put it on top of her clothes and zipped the suitcase up. Just then they both heard a car horn blaring outside of the apartment. Harley grabbed her suitcase and headed for the front door. Joker followed behind her like a lost puppy.

"Harley, you're right, I don't know exactly why you're upset but if you explain it to me we can work this all out. Don't leave like this." She set down the suitcase and turned, her face doleful.

"I just can't do this anymore Mistah J. I love you and it hurts like hell but you're never gonna change. I deserve to be happy, I deserve to have at least a few of my dreams fulfilled and if I stay with you, that's never gonna happen. Goodbye Mistah J."

She leaned forward and hugged him, one last time. He wrapped his long arms around her and felt emotions he had never felt before. Grief, regret, helplessness, emptiness, loneliness.

"Please don't do this Harley. I'll make it right. I promise I will." She didn't look up at him.

"I can't take you at your word anymore Mistah J. You've proven time and again that words are all they are. You always let me down. Never once have you proven to me that you can keep your promises. Goodbye."

She picked up her suitcase and he watched her as she walked down the stairs for the very last time. Ivy was waiting for Harley in the alley. She put her things in the backseat and sat down heavily next to Ivy.

"Oh Harley, I'm so sorry. It's not that I didn't expect it but I hate that it's gone this way for you."

"I'm not gonna take advantage of your hospitality for long Red. I have my own money and I'm gonna find my own place."

"Wow, you're really serious this time aren't you? You're taking this pretty well, considering." Harley looked at her best friend sorrowfully but dry eyed.

"I have no more tears to cry Red. He's broken my heart and stepped on my dreams for the last time. If I have to give up my dream of a family, I'm giving him up too. I just can't take any more disappointment in my life."

Ivy pulled away from the curb as Joker watched from the window upstairs. What the hell just happened? What had he done that was so bad she decided to leave him for good? Surely she was just bluffing right? She'd call him tomorrow and they'd work everything out, he was sure of it. They always did before. Doubt crept in however, he knew he was never very astute when it came to understanding feelings, especially other people's and more specifically Harley's. He was minutely cognizant of the fact that he was a little selfish at times. He was also vaguely aware that he used empty promises to manipulate her. So he insulted her at times and smacked her around a little, he was a criminal genius, wasn't that par for the course? He considered it for a few moments. Jesus, he really was a selfish bastard wasn't he? He decided to sleep on it and hoped that by morning she'd have gotten over it so they could talk.


	7. Chapter 7

Legacy Chapter 7

Joker was pacing the apartment like a caged animal. It was far too quiet with Harley gone. It had already been four days and he hadn't heard from her. He had sent a huge bouquet of her favorite flowers over to Pam's thinking she might take his call afterward to no avail. He tried balloons, chocolates, even a singing telegram and she still hadn't called him. He tried reaching out again last night but her cell phone was disconnected. This was not normal. In the past if he'd apologized and made a romantic gesture like sending flowers Harley usually forgave him and came home. He did not like this one bit. What did he need to do to win her back? He was wracking his brain but he clearly did not understand women.

He had barley slept the past few days, he had become too accustomed to Harley being there in bed next to him. He'd barley eaten as well, partially because there was only healthy food in the house and partially because he was simply too distressed to eat. Boy he had really screwed the pooch this time. He had even tried calling Pammy but she hung up on him. He was tempted to just go over there, but Pam was sure to have her plant sentries on the alert to keep him out and he'd just end up hanging upside down wrapped in vines. He hated not knowing what to do and he really hated how he'd been feeling. These kinds of emotions were foreign to him and he didn't know how to handle it.

He needed to talk to someone, he needed advice but he didn't really have many friends. He didn't feel like killing another counselor, so that was out. What the hell was wrong with him? He didn't feel like killing? This whole situation was really throwing him off his game. What about Harvey? He was married once, it was a long time ago but he must remember what it was like. Harvey had a kid too. It would kill him to tell Harvey the whole story, but he figured he had to give it a shot. Harvey was a lawyer and a pretty smart cookie surely he was the best person to ask advice from.

Joker went to get ready. He was completely out of clean socks and boxers so he was forced to go without them. His suit was wrinkled too, which _really_ bothered him. He was also out of hair pomade and he just couldn't get it to do what he wanted it to. Finally he threw his hands up in frustration and gave up on the whole thing. He called Lewis to come around with the car to take him to Harvey's place in Otisburg.

When he got into the sedan with the heavily tinted windows his eyes met Lewis's in the rearview mirror.

"You okay boss?" Joker sighed.

"No Lewis, I'm not."

"She still ain't called has she?"

"No Lewis she hasn't." he replied sullenly. "It's just not like her." Lewis pulled away and headed uptown.

"You tried reaching out to her J-man?" Joker propped his chin on his fist and looked at the city passing by his window.

"You have no idea Lewis. I've sent her gifts, I've called, I've texted but she won't respond. Now her damn phone is disconnected. I'm at my wits end!"

"Sorry boss. Give her time, maybe she'll come around."

They turned down Second Avenue in Otisburg and stopped in front of building number 222. Harvey lived on the second floor.

"You want me to circle the block until you done, boss?" Joker put his hat on his head.

"No Lewis I may be a while. Go find something to do and I'll call when I'm ready."

Lewis nodded and pulled away from the curb as Joker hurried inside. He stood at Harvey's door and knocked, twice. The door opened and Harvey Dent looked at Joker in shock.

"What happened? You look like absolute hell!" he said in his gruff voice.

"Thanks a lot Harvey. That's just great coming from a guy with half a face." Harvey opened the door so Joker could enter.

"Come on in."

Joker followed Harvey into his living room. One side of the room was impeccably decorated with rich curtains, Corinthian leather furniture, elaborate artwork and thick carpeting. Not a speck of dust could be seen anywhere. The other side of the room was a disaster. The rugs and furniture were threadbare and there was garbage strewn about. The few pictures on the walls were peeling and crooked and the windows were covered with broken and filthy blinds. Joker sat on the good side while Harvey sat in the chair directly between the two different halves of the room. Harvey gave Joker a once over.

"So, Harley leave you again?" Joker took off his hat and set it on the couch next to him.

"It's that obvious, huh?" Harvey pointed at J's ankles.

"You're not wearing socks and it looks like you just rolled out of bed, in that suit. Yeah I'd say it's pretty obvious." J raked his fingers through his messy hair.

"Well that's why I'm here. I need some advice, but it's a delicate situation. If I explain it to you do you think you can keep it to yourself?" Harvey smiled and flipped his coin.

"I'd say your chances are fifty-fifty." Joker shook his head and raised his eyes to the ceiling. "So spill it already J."

"OK Harv, here's the thing. Harley and I decided it was time to start a family. Well mostly Harley but I agreed to it. The problem is, we're having some issues conceiving. It seems, I uh, well, how do I put this? I apparently have an under average," Joker wiped his hand over his mouth to muffle the next two words. Harvey raised an eyebrow at Joker.

"You have under average what now?" Joker sighed heavily.

"Sperm count. I have low sperm count okay?" He grumbled. Harvey immediately threw his head back and busted out hysterically laughing. "Yeah, yeah laugh it up Twoey. It's very freaking funny." Joker crossed his arms over his chest and shot Harvey a very annoyed look.

"Ha ha, sorry J, but that's, oh that's just great." He slapped his thigh several times as he guffawed. Once Harvey had gotten ahold of himself, he wiped a tear from under one of his eyes. "Wow, that was _not_ what I thought you were gonna tell me."

"I was dropped head first into a vat of toxic chemicals for God's sake! There were some lasting side effects!"

"So Harley left you because you have low sperm count?"

"No! She left me because I almost ate a cheeseburger!" Harvey narrowed his eyes at Joker.

"What? I know Harley's crazy, but that seems odd, even for her." Joker placed his hands over his face briefly in frustration.

"No, no, no. There's more to it than that!"

Joker explained to Harvey about his special diet. He talked about the supplements he had to choke down, the recycled toilet paper, the issues with the electronics and the ovulation sex ten times a day. Once he got through the whole story he talked about what happened on the way back from the fertility doctor.

"So I was admittedly in a terrible mood and I was dying for something _normal_ to eat. I told Lewis to go through the Gothamburger drive-thru and Harley lost her mind. She said I was taking her dream away, said I was a failure and a disappointment, broke up with me and moved out! I don't even really understand what happened because a police cruiser pulled in and we had to take off. I never even got to order the damn cheeseburger! Am I missing something Harv?"

Two-Face stared at him wide-eyed. He got that J was a sociopath but was he really that thick?

"Seriously J? You really don't get it? No wonder she left you." J pressed his lips together tightly.

"Well if you're so God damned smart, why don't you explain it to me, because I'm at a loss here!" Harvey shook his head and tapped his fingers on the arm of his chair.

"J, Harley has put up with a whole lotta crap from you over the years. You treat her like shit most of the time, you beat her, you ignore her, you manipulate her, you've made her take the fall for your little jokes so many times it's ridiculous and you've almost killed her on more than one occasion! Even with all that she still loved you and stuck with you. She's never really asked you for anything before, right?" J looked puzzled.

"Right." He said slowly. "But I did do it. I told you I did."

"Yeah but the point is you didn't see it through. Your minor discomfort at having to make a few changes for a couple of months outweighed Harley's life dream. You do understand that women start planning their families around the time they start walking and talking as little girls, right?" The corners of J's mouth quirked downward for a moment.

"No I can't say that I did."

"It's the same with their weddings. By the time their old enough to have one most women already know exactly what they want because they've dreamed about it their entire lives. A dream Harley gave up to be with you, I might add. Look, J you basically told Harley she was worthless by putting your selfish craving for a burger over her desire to have your child. It doesn't matter that you didn't eat the burger, it was the fact that the only time she asked you for something and you promised to do it, she wasn't important enough to you for you to see it through. It was a slap in the face. A big one. You have truly fucked up, my friend."

"Okay, I get that. How do I make it right?" Harvey cocked his head and pursed his lips.

"I think it's gonna take a truly grand gesture J. If you have any chance of fixing this you need to follow through on your promise. Stick to the plan even though she's gone. Eat the right food, manage your stress, exercise, and take your supplements. Make a truly concerted effort to get your sperm count up and when it is show her how important she is to you by proving it with results. There's no guarantee it'll work, but it's the best shot you've got."

"You don't think there's another way?"

"Absolutely not. And if you really want to impress her, you'll get the house ready for the baby and maybe try to learn a few things about being a father while you're at it."

"How the hell am I supposed to do that?"

"You ever hear of a book J?" Harvey contemplated for a moment before continuing. "You know, Gracie is bringing Duella over next weekend so we can spend some time together. Maybe you should come by." Joker seemed confused.

"Who's Duella?" Harvey brow furrowed.

"Duella is my kid, J."

"Oh, right, sorry. Duella. I guess you named her?"

"Yeah I did. She's a great kid too. Cute as a button. She has my eyes."

"How old is she?" Harvey smiled proudly.

"She's almost two. A perfect age for a kid." Joker considered it.

"Okay, I guess that's not a bad idea."

"Good, I'll call you when they get here. Now if I were you I'd get started. You got a lotta work to do J-man. Go win Harley back!" J was suddenly feeling more optimistic.

"Thanks for the advice Harv! I knew I could rely on you."

Joker left Harvey's place with a spring in his step. He had Lewis go to the Keyborne Bookstore and get him a stack of books about pregnancy, babies and parenting. When he got back to the apartment he made a phone call to The Carpenter, who actually was a carpenter when she wasn't robbing banks with the Wonderland Gang.

"Jenna Duffy licensed carpenter, my prices are a steal!"

"Jenna it's the Joker."

"Oh no, I'm not getting in the middle of this thing with you and Harley."

"Jesus does everybody know already? This isn't about Harley! I need you to give me an estimate on a job."

"Oh, well okay, just give me the address, I can come later today."

While he waited for Jenna he flipped through some of the books Lewis had procured to try and find some inspiration. He dog-eared the pages he liked and set them aside. Then he went to his office to do some online shopping. In the space of two hours he spent over thirty grand. He printed out screenshots of some of the items and furniture so Jenna could get an idea of what he was looking for her to accomplish. Then he went to the basement to figure out how to use the washing machine, which was easier than he thought it would be. He started a load and as he walked back upstairs he heard a vehicle pull up. He peeked his head out the window to see Jenna's van. He met her at the door to the apartment.

"Heya Joker, so what kind of job you need done? Armory, a new lab, soundproof torture room?"

"Come in Jenna and I'll show you."

He walked her into what was formerly his lab. He opened the books to the pages he folded over and explained his vision to her. He wanted a very elaborate custom nursery built.

"Spare no expense. I want this to be perfect."

"Joker, out of curiosity, I know Harley left you, so why are you having me build a nursery?" He shrugged.

"Because I haven't given up hope yet. Oh I also need you to baby proof the place, ya know install baby gates and whatnot." The corners of her mouth turned up.

"Well I think this is all very sweet of you. Maybe there is hope for you yet. So, to do everything you're wanting, with materials and labor we're looking at about fifty grand and I should be able to get it done in about seven days."

"Done. When can you start?" Joker looked at her expectantly.

"I can go get the materials today so how's tomorrow work for you?"

"Great, that's just great. Hey Jenna, you know anyone who can teach a yoga class?" She gave him a curious look.

"Yeah, Holly Robinson can. You need her number?" He waved his hand.

"Nah, I'm pretty connected, I've got it. Thanks Jenna and I'll see you tomorrow."

After Jenna left, Joker went to the kitchen to take his supplements and make his fertility smoothie. He choked it all down then headed to the basement to switch the laundry. When he moved the clothes from the washer to the dryer he discovered that all his whites were now a lilac color. So he learned his first lesson about separating the laundry in the future. Once the laundry was done he worked out for an hour and then sat down to read "What to Expect When You're Expecting," some of which he found disturbing. The whole birthing process seemed very painful and messy.

When he was finished reading he called the Iceberg Lounge to talk to Penguin about renting out the small banquet room three afternoons a week. With that business done he called Holly and hired her to teach a yoga class for the rogues on those days. He paid them both extra to keep their mouths shut about who had organized it however. Next he called Dr. Radcliffe and scheduled his next appointment.

He had only just begun all this but he was exhausted already. He had to give himself a little pep talk as he attempted to make his dinner. Cooking was apparently not his forte, now he understood why it took Harley so long to learn. It was a lot harder than it looked. He was surprised to discover he really missed Harley's cooking as he choked down the still crunchy whole grain pasta and slightly burnt tomato sauce.

The following day Jenna got started on the nursery and Joker had his first yoga class. He felt rather silly at first, especially being the only person in the class, but he had to admit it was actually pretty relaxing. He decided to make some fliers to put up around the Iceberg and to mail to the other rogues so more people would join in. He hoped maybe Harley would show, it seemed like something she would like. He tried calling her again at Pam's but Ivy told him to drop dead and slammed the receiver down.

That weekend Harvey called him and had him come over to meet his daughter Duella. As soon as Duella saw the Joker she started crying. Harvey looked at him apologetically.

"I guess she's afraid of clowns." Joker sighed.

"I suppose I should have expected a reaction like that." Harvey picked Duella up and rocked her as he rubbed her back.

"Don't take it so hard, it's not all about you. She's cutting her rear teeth so she's been a little cranky today. Would you mind going into the freezer and grabbing the pink teething ring on the door for me J?"

J wasn't exactly sure he knew what a teething ring looked like but he opened the freezer to look for it anyway. He spied a small pink thing that was in the shape of an elephant with a hole in the center. It wasn't quite a ring but he had to assume this is what Harvey had him looking for.

"This it Harv?"

Harvey nodded, took it from him and rubbed it gently on Duella's gums. As he did so she quieted down a bit. Joker looked around the good side of the living room. He had never seen it so cluttered. Toys and books littered the floor. He saw a car seat and a playpen to one side and there was a large diaper bag and a stack of baby clothes piled on the coffee table.

"Wow Harv, this must be exacerbating your little duality issue a bit isn't it?" Harvey sat with Duella on the floor and gave her some toys to play with.

"Yeah a little bit. Two-Face is fine with it but it does stress me out a little. That's kind of why she lives with her mom. When you have to flip a coin to decide if you're going to change a diaper, it doesn't necessarily make for a healthy environment for a kid." Joker pondered that for a moment.

"Yeah I can see where that might be a problem."

Harvey taught J about feeding from infancy to Duella's current age. He explained how often and what to give a baby to eat. He told him about naps and bedtimes, how to tell if a kid was sleepy. He taught him about teething and diaper rash and how to take a temperature with a rectal thermometer. Harvey had Joker hold the baby, read to her, play with her and feed her. While J was on the floor playing they both realized Duella needed a diaper change. Harvey made J do it. For a few minutes he thought Joker might vomit but he was a trooper. He swallowed it down and got the job done. While J was changing the diaper, and gagging from the smell, Harvey held up his phone and snapped a selfie of the three of them. Joker's head snapped up as he sprinkled powder on the baby's bottom.

"Did you just take a selfie of this?" Harvey chuckled.

"Yeah no one is gonna believe me otherwise."

"Very funny Harv."

Later in the day Joker was rocking Duella in his arms and she fell asleep. Joker looked exhausted himself and eventually his eyes drooped, his head fell backwards against the back of the couch and he dropped off to sleep with the baby cradled in his arms. Harvey got out his phone and snapped several pictures of the scene. It was very cute if perhaps a tad surreal.

Joker woke up a little while later still holding Duella in his lap. He looked down at the little girl in wonder. She had her father's nose but her mother's hair color and ears. He tried to imagine what his child might look like if Harley ever gave him a second chance.

"Here J, I'll take her. I need to put her down in the bedroom anyway."

J carefully handed over the child then stretched a bit to work the stiffness out of his neck and arms. Harvey came back out after putting the baby down.

"Ya know J, you surprised me today. Maybe you're cut out to be a father after all. You talk to Harley yet?" Joker's shoulders sagged and his face was forlorn.

"No Harv. She changed her number and Pam won't let me talk to her when I call her place." Harvey gave Joker an indiscernible look. He took out his coin and flipped it. It landed good side up.

"I guess you haven't heard then."

"Heard what Harv?"

"Well I hate to be the one to break it to ya, but she's not living at Pam's anymore. She got her own place." Joker looked crestfallen.

"Wow Harv, she's not messing around. She obviously really means it this time. Why am I doing all of this if she's not going to ever talk to me again?" Harvey seemed to be considering something.

"How far has Jenna gotten with the nursery?"

"Pretty far, I'd say she's more than halfway done. I put the crib together last night. Speaking of which, who the hell writes the instructions for those damn things. I was ready to throw the whole mess out the window at one point! Anyway, why do you ask?"

"Well I think I have an idea. When Jenna finishes up take a few pictures and text them to me. It's been a while since I went out with Pammy and I'm thinking maybe it's time I ask her out for dinner. I think I may have figured out a way to get her to tell her best friend that you've really turned over a new leaf." Joker's face brightened.

"Really? You'd do that for me Harv? I don't know what to say." Harvey gave him a dismissive wave.

"Eh, don't mention it. You did save me from poop duty earlier. I'll keep you posted." Joker clapped Harvey on the shoulder.

"You're a real pal Harv! A prince among men! Thanks buddy." Joker looked at his watch. "I suppose I best be off, I have to cook up some kale and put the car seat and the swing together yet."

"See ya later J."

Joker left Harvey's place whistling a jolly tune. Lewis pulled up and J got into the car.

"You look like you're feeling much better boss. You get some news?" Joker met his brown eyes in the rearview mirror.

"Yeah, actually I did. Harley got her own place." Lewis flinched.

"Well that's not good so why you happy boss?" Joker shrugged.

"Harvey is sticking out his neck to help me win my girl back Lewis. I'm hoping whatever he has planned works. At the very least it's a chance I didn't have before. I'm trying to be optimistic."

"Well for your sake I hope it works."

"Thanks for saying so Lewis.

They drove the rest of the way in silence. Joker glanced out of the window and wondered what Harley was doing right now. He wondered where she had moved to, if she was okay. He missed her. He was more determined now than ever to get his girl back. No matter what it took.


	8. Chapter 8

Legacy Chapter 8

Harley's new place was on Spring Street on the Upper East Side not terribly far from Ivy and right across the street from Robinson Park. It was a small little apartment that had come partially furnished which saved her the trouble of buying a lot of furniture. To keep herself occupied she had spent the bulk of the past several weeks decorating it. The smaller of the two bedrooms she had left empty. She had been doing some reading up on artificial insemination and although she had yet to make a decision whether this was the right thing for her she had thought to turn it into a nursery one day. She thought about Joker, a lot. In fact, she was surprised she hadn't lost her resolve and run home to him already. She wondered if he even missed her. He had tried calling and he had sent flowers but usually he'd have tracked her down already and dragged her home, why hadn't he this time? She supposed she made it more difficult for him but he had the resources to find her.

Whenever she was feeling particularly down she would put on the brown wig and sit in the park. Today was one such day. The weather had warmed considerably, you still needed a light jacket but the flowers were in full bloom now and the playground was almost always full of laughing children. She would sit by the reservoir and watch the kids play, sometimes for hours. Today it was cloudy and threatening to rain. As the skies darkened she watched the parents pack up their kids and head for home or to other entertainment indoors.

She slowly walked back to her apartment. She hadn't really been out, other than going to the park or to Ivy's since she left the Joker. She was afraid of running into him or having to explain to everyone what had happened. When she got home she picked up her laptop and turned it on. She didn't feel ready to date again, but Ivy had convinced her to make an online dating profile using her Holly McGuinness moniker. Out of morbid curiosity she decided to log in and see if anyone even bothered to message her. Her inbox had 52 messages. She clicked on the first one and cringed. It read:

"Wow, you're stunning! If you had bigger tits you'd be perfect!"

Surely they couldn't all be this bad, right? She scrolled through and discovered that no, indeed they were all that bad. Seven men had sent her dick pics, five just said "Let's fuck" or some variation thereof, one said they'd pay to have buttsex with her, three made blowjob jokes or insinuations, one asked if she'd take his virginity. Then they got _really_ creepy. The worst had to be, "You remind me of my pinky toe, you're small, cute and I'm probably going to bang you on my coffee table later tonight."

She immediately deleted her profile. The only reason she'd agree to meet up with any of these jerks would be to bash their heads in with a large wooden mallet! How was she supposed to start over if that was what men had devolved to in this day and age? She held her head in her hands and wondered if she should call her Puddin and make up with him. No, he made it perfectly clear how important she was to him. She had to be strong. It's just that she didn't feel very strong at the moment. She felt small and weak and lonesome. She put on her raincoat and a hat and decided to take a walk, she couldn't sit here by herself for another minute.

Harley walked the neighborhood for twenty minutes or so when she found herself heading down into the subway. She took the F train to Coventry. She promised herself that she wasn't going to go see him. She just wanted to walk by to see her old place and maybe catch a glimpse of him was all. That was her story and she was sticking to it. She walked down the familiar road and stopped dead in her tracks when she was a block from the old lair.

Jenna Duffy's van was parked outside. What the hell was Jenna doing there? She saw the front door open and Jenna walked out. She was wearing one of her Puddin's t-shirts and her hair was wet. Joker stepped into the doorway, he was wearing a pair of sweats and was bare chested. His hair was wet as well. What the hell? Joker was dating Jenna now? She felt like she had been punched in the chest as she watched them smile at each other while they talked. Jenna got in her van and drove away and Joker went back inside and closed the door. She was tempted to bust the door down and demand to know what the hell was going on. She realized she had no right to say anything about it; she was the one who left after all. So he'd moved on, what did she expect him to do? Pine away for her? He was the Joker; he wasn't the pining type. She felt the tears gathering along her lower lashes. As she turned to walk back to the subway station they began to fall, smudging her mascara and blurring her vision. She eventually made it home, threw herself onto her bed and sobbed uncontrollably for what seemed to be hours.

Meanwhile at the Ha-hacienda, Joker was using a shop-vac to suction water up from the bathroom floor. The cold water pipe to the shower was old and rusty and had unexpectedly burst which made an absolute mess of the place. Thank God Jenna had been there at the time; she knew exactly what to do. It set them back an entire day on the nursery but together they were able to stop the damage from spreading into the other rooms and get it fixed. They had both gotten soaked and Joker gave Jenna a dry t-shirt to wear until she could get home to change. Things were coming along nicely. They were about a day maybe a day and a half away from completing the nursery. He had been spending his evenings reading and putting together baby furniture for the past week straight. All of his deliveries had arrived and he was anxious to start filling the room with toys, books and stuffed animals.

It was two weeks earlier than she had wanted to see him but he had an appointment scheduled with Doc Radcliffe the following evening. He needed to know where his sperm count was so he could adjust his lifestyle accordingly. If he needed to be more hardcore with the program, he decided that was what he would do. When he finally saw Harley again he wanted to be able to show her that he had taken this seriously and wanted to have the written results to prove it.

Harvey had called to let him know that he and Pam were going to the Iceberg for dinner on Saturday. He still wasn't sure what he had planned but if Harvey could convince Pam that he was on the level and had been working really hard to make Harley's dream a reality she might be inclined to talk Harley into seeing him.

He was nervous about his appointment with Doctor Radcliffe. What if he had been doing all of this and it wasn't working? He was afraid he wouldn't be able to get his girl back unless he could prove he was able to father an heir. He went to his appointment prepared with his own magazines this time, he brought along a copy of Ultra Violence and Guns and Ammo. Although it took a while he was eventually able to supply a sample. A half an hour later the doctor came back from the lab with his semen analysis results. She had noticed the absence of his better half and the sadness in his face and wondered what was going on.

"So Joker, where is Harley today?" He rubbed the nape of his neck and wouldn't quite meet her eyes.

"Well, she left me Doc. Didn't think I was taking this whole baby thing seriously." The doctor cocked her head in confusion.

"Then, strictly out of curiosity, why are you here?" He glanced at her and she saw the lost look in his eyes.

"To prove to her I am. To make sure she knows that I care about her enough to make the sacrifices necessary to make this dream of hers come true, even if there's no guarantee she'll take me back. I owe her that Doc."

The doctor was taken aback. This was not the Joker she had met in their initial appointments. The Joker she knew was egotistic, selfish and seemed oblivious to Harley's desires. He had obviously really been affected by all of this and she was very surprised.

"Well then, I suppose I should give you the good news." Joker looked up at her expectantly. "Your sperm count has risen to 90 million per cubic centimeter. It's not considered normal per se, but at this level it is entirely possible that you're capable of fathering a child." His eyes gleamed.

"Do you really mean it Doc? You have no idea what a relief that is!"

"You'll still have to stick to what you've been doing but you have obviously been working very hard. You should be proud of yourself, and I'm sure Harley will be too. Congratulations."

"Hey Doc, can you give me a printout of the results? Ya know, in case she won't take my word for it." She smiled kindly at him.

"Here, you can have these. I'll print off another copy for your file." Joker's face lit up. This was it, he could finally go to Harley and prove himself to her.

"Thanks Doc!"

He left feeling lighter than he had in over a month. He was so happy he threw the doctor an extra ten grand before he left. When he got back into the car Lewis noticed his levity.

"So, how'd it go J-man?" A huge grin broke out on his face.

"Lewis, it's time to go get my girl back!" Lewis grinned back.

"It's about time boss!"

Joker's Saturday yoga class was actually pretty full. Harley didn't show but several of her friends did, which was great. The rogues rumor mill was pretty lively and if Harley heard he was taking a yoga class three days a week he thought it would pique her curiosity enough to call or maybe even show up. As a matter of fact, Selina Kyle was there and as they say, curiosity killed the cat.

"So Joker, I never expected to see _you_ here doing the downward facing dog." The corner of his mouth quirked up.

"What's up Pussycat? Well you know what they say, yoga is great for unkinking your muscles and your spine. So it's great if you're _really kinky_." She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Yoga humor, Really?"

"Yeah, I know it's a stretch. Ha ha!" She rolled her eyes.

"No seriously why are you here?" He gave her a close lipped smile.

"Well Puss Puss, I've been coming here three days a week since I first organized this class."

"Oh come on, you really expect me to believe you organized this?"

"Believe what you want. Oh there's Holly." He cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted across the room. "Holly, can you come here for a minute?" He waved her over.

"Hey Joker. You're showing a lot of improvement. How's your stress levels?"

"Couldn't be better. Things are finally falling into place." He said congenially, "I really appreciate you teaching the class for me. Think I can get you to extend your contract for another two months?" She shrugged as Selina looked on wide eyed.

"If you're willing to keep paying, I'm willing to keep teaching."

"Good enough, same time Monday then?"

"Sure see you then Joker. Bye Selina!" Selina gaped at Joker.

"Why would you do this?" He looked at her pointedly.

"For Harley." She was obviously confused.

"What does a yoga class have to do with Harley?"

"Why don't you ask her? Now I really must be off, I need to see how the work in the apartment is coming along." He turned to leave and she grabbed his arm.

"Wait a minute, is that why Jenna Duffy has been at your apartment? She's been doing work?"

"Well of course! Why else would she be there?" He spat.

"Well Harley thinks the two of you are screwing." His eyes widened and his jaw dropped.

"She what? How does she even know Jenna's been over? The only person who knew was Harvey!"

"Well, she passed by one day and saw Jenna leaving your house in _your_ shirt and since you weren't wearing a shirt at all, she put two and two together." Joker let out an exasperated breath.

"Yeah she put two and two together and came up with eight! That's just great!" He said angrily, "Selina, if you see her I need you to set the record straight. Jenna is doing work on the apartment, it was supposed to be a surprise for Harley. A pipe burst in the bathroom and we both got drenched. I gave her a dry shirt to wear home and that's all! Jesus, this just screwed everything up!" Selina scrutinized him as he began to pace.

"I don't understand. Harley left you, why are you remodeling the apartment as a surprise for her?" He threw his hands in the air.

"Why do you think? I'm trying to win her back for God's sake! I have moved the moon and stars to make it happen and now the chances of getting her to talk to me are nil if she thinks for one second I've been doing the horizontal mambo with my carpenter! Well this day just went to hell in a handbasket!"

"Wow, you're really upset about this. I think this may just be the first time I've seen a genuine emotion out of you Joker."

"Yeah well don't get used to it." He grumbled.

"I'll tell you what, when I see Harley I'll try to straighten this out. There's no guarantee she'll believe me but I'll tell her. Okay?" Joker visibly relaxed his shoulders.

"Thanks Kitty Cat, I'd really appreciate that."

"Well I've gotta run, see you around Joker."

He watched her go hoping to God she saw Harley soon. Harley thinking he'd moved on was an absolute catastrophe. It might even push her to be irrational. She may have been the one to leave but he knew his Harley girl, she was a jealous little thing. She may not want him, but she didn't want anybody else to want him either. This could be disastrously bad.

Harley had been very depressed for the past several days. She kept all the curtains shut and only got out of bed to pee and occasionally have a glass of water. She could tell she'd lost weight, but she didn't care. She stopped answering her phone and didn't answer the door when Ivy knocked yesterday afternoon. He'd moved on. After all the years she spent with him he really didn't care. It had only been a month and he was already screwing around with someone else. She couldn't believe it. She was supposed to be starting over but at the moment she wasn't even sure she wanted to live anymore. She felt absolutely worthless.

How was anyone else supposed to love her if the man she gave her life to could throw her aside so easily. No wonder he hadn't tried tracking her down. He had another hot blonde with pigtails in his bed now. And Jenna was younger than Harley by at least five years. She'd been traded in for a newer model. She felt dejected, old and unattractive. She wondered if Jenna was better in bed than her. She never struck Harley as the kind of gal who was into the rough stuff, but she guessed looks could be deceiving. She made a mistake, she shouldn't have left him. Now she'd probably be alone forever and she didn't think she could handle that. She squeezed her eyes shut and covered her head with a pillow to try and drown out the voices in her head that kept telling her how insignificant she was and how life was pointless, meaningless and futile.

Joker got home to discover the nursery was finished. His distress faded away as he stared in awe at the finished product. Jenna had gone the extra mile and brought in all the baby furniture, toys and books. It looked amazing!

"Jenna this looks better than I ever imagined! Color me very impressed!" Jenna's face was awash in pride.

"Never let it be said that The Carpenter does anything less than spectacular work. So, now that the job is done am I allowed to tell Harley what you went through for her?" Joker blanched.

"No! You being anywhere near Harley right now would be very, very bad!" He went on to explain what she saw and what she deduced from it. The smile fell from Jenna's face.

"Oh my God. She'll murder me! Someone has to set her straight!"

"I have Selina working on it and hopefully tonight Harvey can convince Pam to talk Harley into meeting with me."

"Well I'll be keeping a low profile until that happens. Maybe it's a good time to go visit my sister in Boca." Joker chuckled.

"That may not be a bad idea. She's likely either depressed or angry. If it's the latter, we're both in _big_ trouble."

"Okay then, so if we can just settle up, I'll be booking a flight to Florida tonight."

Joker paid her and gave her a bonus on top of it. He'd been feeling generous lately and Jenna deserved it for the amazing job she had done. He took pictures of the finished product and texted them to Harvey. Now he waited on pins and needles until he finally heard from him later this evening. With this new development it was imperative that he got to Harley before she did something stupid or destructive. He kept staring at the clock willing the time to hurry up and pass. He was worried both for Harley's well-being and his own. He hoped to God Harvey worked quickly.


	9. Chapter 9

Legacy Chapter 9

The Iceberg Lounge was bustling that night. Harvey reserved a private booth for his dinner with Pam that was tucked away from the bulk of the noise. He and Pam used to date back in the days before Salvatore Maroni threw acid into his face in the courtroom, scarring him irreparably and creating the duality within him that released the entity Two-Face. Of course she was trying to kill him back then, but over the years they let bygones be bygones. Pam being the raging feminist that she was insisted on meeting Harvey there rather than accept his invitation to pick her up. Harvey patiently waited at their table for her to show. As he expected she was fashionably late but seeing her walk into the lounge in the deep green sequined mermaid gown she had chosen made it worth the wait. He rose to greet her.

"Pamela, you look positively stunning in that dress." She blushed slightly as she twirled a lock of scarlet hair around her finger.

"You're not looking too bad yourself, Harv." He led her over to the table and assisted her into the booth. He motioned to the waiter.

"Would you care for some champagne Pam?"

"That sounds lovely." The waiter arrived and bowed slightly to the couple.

"Good evening Mr. Dent and Ms. Isley. May I start you off with something to drink?"

"We'll take a bottle of the Louis Roederer Brut Cristal please." Harvey replied in his gruff baritone. Pam glanced curiously at him.

"So Harv, I have to admit I was rather surprised when I got your call. It's been ages since we've been on a date."

"Well, Gracie has been a little more generous with my visitations with Duella lately. It's really been great, I love that little girl to death, but I've noticed when she leaves I've been feeling a little, well, lonely. I figured you were still single so maybe after all these years there was some chance things might just click. Even if not, it's nice to be out on the town with a beautiful woman for a change." She gave him a querying look.

"So out of curiosity. How did Duella come about anyway. You and Grace have been divorced for the better part of two decades. When did you start seeing each other again?" He barked out a laugh.

"We were never seeing each other. We ran into one another at a party at the Gotham City Royal Hotel. We got to talking, then went to the private room of the bar for a few drinks afterward to shoot the breeze and catch up. There was a lot of champagne involved. Somehow we ended up renting a suite. To be perfectly honest I think it was a pity fuck on her part. She told me I seemed too lonesome. She regretted it the next morning, I could tell. A few months later she gave me the news that she was pregnant."

"Wow, I had no idea. That's kind of," She drifted off trying to think of the correct word to use.

"Pathetic?" Her eyes widened slightly.

"No, I was going to say awkward."

"Yeah, well it was that too. But in the end it gave me Duella so it was completely worth it."

The waiter arrived with their champagne and poured two flutes of the golden liquid then took their orders and departed.

"Does she look like you?" Harvey smiled like a proud papa.

"A little, but she mostly looks like Grace thank God. I wouldn't wish this on anyone." He pointed to the disfigured side of his face.

"Oh Harv, stop it. You were always a handsome guy all things considered." Harvey pulled out his phone.

"Would you like to see a picture of her?" This was the moment, he hoped she reacted the way he wanted her to.

"Sure." Pam leaned over while he opened his photo album and scrolled through the pictures. The first one that came up was the new nursery J had built. Pam looked on in interest.

"Oh Harvey, is that your place? It's amazing."

"Oh no, that's J's place actually." She looked at him skeptically.

"What do you mean that's J's place?"

"Look Pam, I know you're not going to believe me when I tell you this but J has been pining for Harley ever since she left. He's put a lot of time and money into trying to win her back."

"No he hasn't, he's already sleeping with someone else. Harley told me the other day." He was obviously taken aback.

"No he's not. Who does she think he's messing around with?" Pam crossed her arms and stared at him.

"Jenna Duffy. Harley saw her leave his house in one of his shirts. She's been a damn mess ever since too." Harvey chuckled.

"Pam, J isn't sleeping with Jenna. He hired her to build this for Harley. She's been over there working every day for over a week."

"Then why was she wearing his shirt?"

"A pipe burst Pam, he gave her something dry to wear home. Look, J has been working really hard and has been trying to do things the right way this time. That's why he didn't just track her down. He's trying to prove himself to her." She glared at him distrustfully.

"You really expect me to believe that?" Harvey scrolled through his photos until he got to the pictures of Joker and Duella. Her eyes widened in shock when she saw Joker asleep with a baby in his arms and even more so seeing him changing a diaper.

"Pam, not only has he been trying to learn how to be a father, but he got his little problem taken care of too." She grabbed the phone from his hand and scrolled through the pictures again.

"And which little problem are we talking about? The fact that he's an insufferable jerk?" Harvey sighed.

"No, since the day Harley left he's been working very hard to fix the issue with his sperm count, and he has. He went to the doctor yesterday. Now he wants to go to Harley and prove how important she really is to him. He's been one sad sack since she left." She was stunned.

"He actually told you about that?"

"Yeah, I told you he was pining. He's desperate." She raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, say I actually believe you. Why are you telling me all this?" Harvey took a large gulp of his champagne then cleared his throat before continuing.

"Well I was kind of hoping you might talk to Harley, maybe get her to agree to meet with J. Or if you're not willing to do that her new address or phone number might be helpful." She pursed her lips.

"Was this date just a ruse to get me to talk to Harley for J?" She said angrily.

"Partially, yes. But honestly I really did miss you Pam and I wanted to see you, so no this wasn't _all_ a ruse."

"Fine. I'll call her but she hasn't been taking my calls." Harvey was a little surprised to hear that.

"Pam how many days has it been since you spoke to her?" She thought about it for a moment before responding.

"I guess since the day she told me she thought J and Jenna were dating." Harvey's eyes bulged.

"And that didn't strike you as odd? Pam, J's worried she might do something stupid." Pam suddenly looked frightened.

"Well I went to see her yesterday but she didn't answer the door. I figured she was just at Robinson Park. She's been going there a lot. I guess I hadn't thought she'd hurt herself, granted I've been a little distracted with a new experiment I've been working on. Shit." Pam dug her phone out of her purse. She dialed Harley's number and went to voice mail.

"Pam we've gotta get someone over there right away! She could be dead for all we know!" Pam dialed J's number. He answered on the very first ring.

"Pammy?"

"J, you gotta get over to Harley's right away! She hasn't been answering her phone and she didn't come to door when I stopped by yesterday."

"Shit! Give me the address!" His voice was panicked. She rattled off the address. "I'll call you with an update when I have one. Sit tight Pam." He hung up and dialed Lewis.

"Boss?"

"Lewis get the car and get over here pronto! It's an emergency!"

Joker threw on his trench coat and hat and paced until he heard Lewis pull up out front. He sprinted out to the car and jumped into the back seat.

"Lewis go to 1265 Spring Street on the East Side and haul ass!" Lewis could tell the boss was anxious.

"You got it!"

They tore through the streets and made it to Harley's place in record time. J didn't wait for the elevator but shot up the stairs taking them two at a time until he reached the 5th floor. He got to her door and banged on it. When no one answered he pulled out his lock pick and used it on the deadbolt.

"Harley?" He shouted. He went from room to room but the apartment was empty. Her phone was sitting on the kitchen counter. He grabbed his phone from his shirt pocket and called Pamela back.

"Pam, she's not here! Where else would she be?" Pam was flustered.

"I don't know J! She hasn't left the house much since she moved in. The only other place I know she spends time is across the street in the park, but it's after dark!" He growled in annoyance.

"Well call around and see if anyone has seen her, I'm going to check the park just in case!"

He was in a panic. He darted out of the building and ran across the street without looking to see if any traffic was coming. A yellow cab laid on the horn and slammed on its brakes as it nearly hit him. He vaulted it and slid across the hood without slowing down. He raced through the darkened park. When he got to the reservoir he stopped and held his side as he tried to catch a breath. There, sitting on a bench in the circle of light emitting from the dim streetlamp was the tiny figure of his Harley. She had a blank expression on her face as she stared out into the darkness. Even from this distance he could see the dark shadows under her eyes. Once he was able to slow his breathing he quietly walked over and sat down beside her. She didn't register his presence at first. He saw the small revolver she had cradled in her hands. He gently reached over, placed his hand on top of hers and pulled the gun from her grip. Pulled from her daze she slowly turned her head and looked at him.

"What are you doing here?" He gazed into her baby blue eyes.

"Looking for you Harley." A look of befuddlement filled her face.

"Why?" He slipped the revolver into his pocket and took her hands in his.

"Because I love you Harley." She had lost a significant amount of weight. Her eyes were sunken and her complexion was pallid.

"I don't understand. You're with Jenna now, you moved on so why are you here." A look of irritation briefly crossed his face.

"Look, Harley, I know what you think you saw but you made the wrong assumption. Jenna was at the apartment because I hired her to remodel. I'm not seeing anyone. I don't want anyone but you."

"Then why didn't you come find me?" His eyes softened.

"Harley, I know I let you down. I wanted to prove to you I was worthy of your love. I wanted to show you that I was willing to make sacrifices for you." He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and gave it to her. "Here, read it."

She opened the folded sheet and stared blankly at it.

"I don't understand, what is this?" He sighed.

"Harley, since the day you left I have worked very hard so I could show you that your dreams do matter to me. That's the proof. I saw Dr. Radcliffe yesterday. She says I've managed to get my sperm count up enough that we should have no problem getting pregnant now." She blinked several times as she stared into his face looking for any signs of deception.

"You stuck with the plan? Why would you do that when I left you?"

"I told you why. But I can do even better. May I show you something?" She nodded in incomprehension. He took her hand and helped her up. Her legs were visibly wobbly.

"Harley when's the last time you've eaten?" She ducked her head and wouldn't meet his gaze.

"Four days I think." His eyes shimmered with unshed tears.

"Oh, Harley."

He bent down and lifted her up and cradled her against his chest. She wrapped her shaky arms around his neck and buried her head into his shoulder as he carried her out of the park to Lewis and the idling car. He very carefully placed her inside and once he was seated pulled her onto his lap. He looked up at Lewis's curious gaze in the rearview.

"Take us home Lewis." He wrapped his arms around her and gently stroked her hair. He pulled out his phone.

"Harley, Pam and Harvey are very worried about you. I'm just going to call them and let them know you're alright. Okay?" She nodded as she clung to him. He dialed Pam who picked up immediately.

"J did you find her?"

"Yes Pammy, I did. She's a little worse for wear but I'm taking her home and I'll take care of her until she's better. I'll call you when she's ready for visitors. Tell Harvey too, okay?" He heard Pam let loose a relieved breath.

"Thanks J. I'm sorry I underestimated you."

"It's okay Pammy. We'll talk later."

"Okay." He hung up the phone as they pulled up to the Ha-hacienda. He carried Harley up the stairs and gently set her on her feet.

"Do you think you can walk Poobear?" She nodded again. "I have something to show you."

He took her hand and led her to the door that was formerly his lab. He slowly opened it and flicked on the light. Harley stared in shock. The nursery walls were a pale blue with the ceiling a few shades darker and covered in hand painted fluffy clouds. There were built in bookshelves filled to overflowing with books and toys. The baby furniture was white and elaborately carved. The bassinette had a half canopy made of sheer blue and white fabric. The crib was full of stuffed animals and had a beautiful mobile hanging above it made with sun, moon and cloud shapes and tiny LED lights that twinkled on the walls and ceiling like stars. In the corner next to the window seat was a custom recliner made specifically for breastfeeding and above it hung a small but gorgeous crystal chandelier. There was a built in changing table and multiple dressers. He had furnished it with everything one could possibly need for a new baby and then some. Harley placed her hand over her heart as her eyes flooded with tears.

"I, I can't believe it." She looked up at him as her tears spilled over onto her cheeks. "You did all this for me?" He took her face in his hands and wiped her tears away with his thumbs.

"I did all this for us, Pumpkin. You and me and our child when it comes into the world. I did this for our family." She wrapped her arms tightly around his waist and sobbed into his chest. "Does this mean you don't like it, Harls?"

She pulled back and giggled through her tears. She smiled as she gazed adoringly into his eyes.

"I don't like it Puddin. I love it!" He wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

"Well that's good, because you scared our carpenter off and she's taking refuge in another state." She giggled again.

"Jenna was afraid I was gonna kill her, huh?" He kissed her on top of her head.

"Well yeah, honestly I was afraid you were gonna kill me too when I found out you thought I was dating someone else."

"Well I'm not gonna lie, I thought about it." He broke the embrace and took her face in his hands again as he searched it with his eyes.

"Was it the voices again Pumpkin?" She pressed her lips together and nodded. "I was afraid of that. Is that why you had the gun? Were you thinking of hurting yourself?" Her eyes filled with tears and she nodded again. He put his hands on her shoulders and lightly shook her as he said. "Don't ever do that to me. Promise me that if they come back again you'll tell me, or tell someone and that you'll seek help. I couldn't have lived with myself if something had happened to you. It's more important now than ever Harley, we're going to have a baby that's gonna need its mommy. Can you promise me that?"

"Yes Puddin. I promise."

"Good girl."

He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. The past two months of longing and sadness melted away. He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her to the bedroom. They made love, really made _love_ probably for the first time in their entire relationship. It was slow, tender, sensual and passionate. They worshiped every part of each other's bodies. They relished the feeling of skin gliding against skin. They dined on love, they reveled in adoration for one another, they fell into an abyss of devotion and came out the other side sated and more dedicated to each other than they ever had been before. Harley's heart swelled when she realized what he had sacrificed for her and that he had done it because he truly loved her. She had never felt more complete. They embraced and caressed each other in the aftermath of bliss. Joker held her to his chest and stroked her hair. She gazed up at him with glittering eyes.

"Thank you Puddin. Thank you for all of this, and for saving me. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world." He kissed her forehead tenderly.

"No thank you Harley. For putting up with me for all these years. I'm sorry I'm such a jerk sometimes." She shrugged.

"Well you may be a jerk sometimes, but you're _my jerk_ and I love you anyway." Her stomach growled loudly.

"Oh Poo, we need to get you fed. We need you good and strong if I'm gonna knock you up, ya know." She giggled and nuzzled his neck with her nose. "Then, I think I should run you a nice hot bubble bath, how does that sound?" She squeezed him as a large grin spread across her face.

"I think that sounds perfect Pud."

He sat her down on a stool at the kitchen counter while he prepared them both some pasta.

"Well this is weird, you cooking for me for a change." He chuckled.

"Yeah well don't get too used to it. This is about the only thing I've been able to master in the kitchen. My cooking skills are worse than yours were when we first got together, if you can believe _that_." He replied playfully with a wink. When he finished cooking he placed two bowls of steaming whole wheat pasta with spinach and sauce down on the counter. He sat beside her as they ate, grateful for her presence.

"Pud, I'm so proud of you. I can't believe you did all this on your own." He swallowed the bite he was chewing.

"Honestly, I can't believe it myself but I almost lost you for good this time and it made me re-evaluate my priorities. I'm even more surprised that not only have I come to terms with the idea of fatherhood, but this whole process has actually gotten me rather excited at the prospect. Terrified, but excited." She ran her hand along his bare back.

"Puddin, you're gonna be a great daddy. I have faith in you." His face brightened.

"I almost forgot, I have something to show you." He got up from his seat and retrieved his phone. He opened his photo album and showed her the pictures of him from Harvey's place the day he took care of Duella. "Harvey gave me a few pointers."

She looked on in awe at the pictures of him with the sleeping child then burst out hysterically laughing when she got to the picture of him changing Duella's diaper. Harvey's face was smiling in the corner of the picture as J was obviously gagging as he attempted to manage changing it. Her eyes started to tear up again.

"Oh Puddin, I've never been more impressed or more proud to be your girlfriend. I love you so much it hurts." He leaned over and kissed her tenderly on the lips.

"Me too kiddo, me too."

Later he ran her a bath and sat on the side of the tub as he washed her hair for her. She luxuriated in the feeling of his fingers gently massaging her scalp.

"So Pumpkin, I was in such a panic I barely registered what your new place looked like. How long are you stuck in that lease anyway?" She smirked.

"It's a month to month. I hated it there. It was too quiet and empty. It just didn't feel like home."

"Well, I'll get what's left of the Chuckle Patch to go collect your things tomorrow if you'd like." She leaned into the hand that was rubbing the nape of her neck.

"That would be perfect Pud."

"So, out of curiosity when do you ovulate again?" She gave him a sideways glance and a crooked smile.

"I'm ovulating right now Puddin."

"Well then I guess I better put off my yoga class for the next couple of days since it seems I'm going to be busy." He rinsed her hair using a cup then grabbed a loofa and started scrubbing her back.

"Yoga class? _You_ have been taking a yoga class?"

"Well, yeah, you know managing my stress and all. It's really helped, I feel like my chakras are finally aligned. You should come one day. I have Holly teaching it three times a week at the Iceberg."

"So you're the one who's responsible for that?" He smiled smugly.

"Guilty as charged."

"Wow, I'm impressed. So Pud, you sure you're gonna be okay with having sex all day for the next few days straight? That's what started all this in the first place."

"Aha! I've prepared for that too! Be right back." He left the bathroom and came back a few moments later with a plastic shopping bag. He sat on the closed toilet lid and pulled out a stack of DVD's." Harley gave him a puzzled look.

"You bought porn?" He smiled widely.

"Well, sort of." He fanned them out and flipped the boxes around so she could read the titles. She burst out laughing.

"Faces of Death I-V? Oh my God Pud, you are just too much!" He feigned a hurt look.

"Hey don't laugh, different strokes for different folks and all that jazz. If it keeps me hard does it matter?" She shook her head as she grinned.

"Nope."

"See then, problem solved. So Poo, I know you're in a bit of a weakened state right now. Would you like to wait to get to it or are you feeling good enough for round two?"

"I think I feel good enough to give it another go." A large smile broke across his face as he reached into the tub to pull the drain stopper.

"Good. I haven't seen you in a month and I have a little pent up frustration."

He took her hands and helped her stand up, wrapped a large towel around her then lifted her out of the tub and carried her to the bedroom where over the next few hours they had not only round two, but also three and four before they both fell asleep cuddled in each other's arms.

 **A/N – Okay I know for some of you this is a stretch, but I always wanted to write a super sensitive Joker story and felt it could only work if it was well into the relationship with him heading towards retirement. We still have several chapters to go but I felt this was a good place to address this. So hopefully you can suspend your disbelief enough to enjoy a sappy lovesick Joker. I know I enjoyed writing it. Thank you to all of my reviewers, followers and faves. You guys are what makes writing these stories so much fun and I really love the feedback!**


	10. Chapter 10

Legacy Chapter 10

Joker was on the couch in the living room fanning his crotch with a magazine. He promised himself he would not bitch, whine or moan about his duties during Harley's ovulation. Still, right now Mr. Happy felt more like Mr. Heat Miser.

"Harl? Would you be a peach and grab Daddy an ice pack out of the freezer please?" He was only wearing his bathrobe and everything else was out on display at the moment. It was the last day of her ovulation. They were on round four so far and it was barely noon, or was it round five? He couldn't even keep count at this point.

"Sure thing Pud! Be right there." She yelled from the kitchen. She came in a few moments later, handed J the ice pack and set the spinach salad she made him for lunch on the coffee table with a glass of water. He grabbed the pack and placed it on his sore genitals.

"Ahhhhhhhh. That's the ticket." He said as he leaned his head back in relief. Harley gave him a crooked and indulgent smile.

"Awwww my poor Puddin. Just half a day left to go. Then you have a whole three weeks to heal up." She walked behind him, brushed his hair back and kissed his forehead. "Is there anything else I can get you right now?"

"No Poo, for right now this is good, but do ya think I can maybe get a quick catnap? You've kinda worn me out." She giggled girlishly.

"Sorry Pud. Sure, do what you need to." She looked up abruptly when she heard a monkey screeching from the television. Faces of Death was still playing in the background. "Puddin, can I please turn this off now. It's the one where they eat the live monkey brains and it totally grosses me out." He lifted the remote and turned off the DVD player.

"Sorry Poo. I know the animal scenes disturb you. Frankly, they're not my favorites either. Violence against humans is so much more satisfying." Harley put her hands on the small of her back and stretched.

"Well enjoy your lunch and your nap. I'm gonna go do some stretches, my back feels outta whack.

"I'm telling you Harls, come to yoga with me on Wednesday. It'll fix you right up!" She winked at him.

"I may just do that."

Harley had been deliriously happy since she'd been back home. He had been attentive and tender, something she _never_ expected out of her Puddin. She wandered into the nursery, sat down in the recliner and looked around the room. She was still blown away that he had accomplished all this on his own. She pulled a book off the nearby shelf and brushed her fingers over the cover of 'Pat the Bunny'. She smiled as she flipped through the book. She wondered if they'd have a boy or a girl. If it would look more like her or like J. She put the book back on the shelf and wandered back to the living room. She giggled when she saw him lying on the couch, his extremities spread all akimbo, head tilted back on the arm rest and snoring loudly. He still had the ice pack lying on his privates. He'd been so indulgent of her the past few days. He'd even given her a foot rub. She was so happy she could burst. She just hoped it lasted.

A week later Harley took another at home pregnancy test. She and J waited nervously for the results to show up, but it was negative. They were both visibly let down. Joker rubbed her back.

"It's okay Poo, there's always next month." She gave him a smile that didn't meet her eyes.

"Yeah I know, we'll just keep trying.

The following week the results were the same.

Harley had been joining J at yoga for the past two weeks. It was a Wednesday and after their class, as they walked through the Iceberg towards the back door and subsequently the kitchens, J noticed Harley's nose wrinkle up and a sneer cross her face.

"What's the matter Poo?" She put her hand over her nose and mouth and replied, her voice muffled.

"Don't you smell that? It's disgusting!" Joker sniffed the air. All he smelled was food being cooked.

"I'm not sure I'm smelling the same thing _you're_ smelling."

"Oh God, it smells like garbage and fish. I gotta get outta here Pud, it's making me nauseous." He put his hand on the small of her back and led her out the back door and into the waiting car.

"It that better Poo?" She took a deep breath.

"Yeah a bit. I'm still a little queasy I guess. I think that yogurt I had for breakfast must have gone bad or something." She fell asleep in the car on the way home which J found odd. Usually a workout invigorated her. He gently shook her awake once they arrived home.

"Wakey, wakey sleepyhead. Feeling any better Poo?" She yawned.

"Yeah I do, I didn't sleep well last night at all. I was having these crazy nightmares about B-man dragging you back to Arkham." He ruffed her hair.

"Awww, no need to worry about that, Pumpkin. I haven't been on a job in over six months and we have more important things to worry about now anyway."

"I know, you're right Pud."

That night while they got ready for bed Harley noticed J giving her a half lidded look as she undressed. She smiled. She thought for sure that he wouldn't touch her again until she ovulated in two more weeks. She was glad he was having a change of heart because over the past few days she had been horny as hell, but hadn't wanted to push him too hard.

"Why don't you come here to Daddy Pumpkin?" He said as he crooked his index finger at her. She crawled across the bed and he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her on top of him. She was leaned over so that her breasts were just barely touching his chest. He was semi-hard already.

"So Mr. Happy is all healed up, Pud?" He grinned at her.

"It seems so, Poo."

He placed his hand behind her neck and pulled her in so he could crush his lips against hers. His tongue sought hers as he dug the fingers of one hand into her hair. His other hand ran up the smooth skin of her back. Then circled around to cup her breast. She moaned into his mouth. He lightly pinched her nipple making it peak and he felt her squirm atop him. She sat up and he took it as an invitation. He reached up and grasped both of her breasts in his hands and squeezed.

"Oowww, wait a minute." The two of them were very often into roleplay and he thought at first that's what this was but when he sat up to take one of her nipples into his mouth he felt her hands pushing his shoulders back. "Pud, really! Stop! You're hurting me." She crossed her arms protectively across her chest.

He gazed at her in bewilderment. They'd been together for years and in that time they had gotten into some pretty perverted, twisted and sick sexual situations. Scenarios that were way more painful than a simple nipple tweak. Something was wrong.

"Harley? What's the matter Poo? Did you not want to do this?" He couldn't even believe he was asking that question. She had _never,_ _ **ever**_ turned down a roll in the hay before.

"No that's not it Pud. I do. I really, really do but my boobs are super sensitive right now. I must be PMS-ing." He raised an eyebrow at her.

"I've never known you to have that problem before."

"Well I was on Depo-Provera pretty much the whole time we've been together. It stops your menstrual cycle altogether including most of the crappy side effects like boob sensitivity and cramps. His face twisted up a little.

"I don't think I needed to know all that." She huffed out a breath.

"You're the one who asked!"

"Don't fret cupcake, how about this? Tonight I'll let _you_ use the handcuffs on _me_ for a change. That way there's no roaming hands to worry about." A sly smile spread across Harley's face.

"Oh yeah? Do I get to use the ankle cuffs too?" He looked a tiny bit nervous for a millisecond then grinned.

"Sure Harl, knock yourself out." She squealed in joy as she dashed into the closet. "Hey, hey! You keep the rest of the toys in the box though!" He yelled after her. She came out of the closet with the cuffs in one hand and an exaggerated pout on her face.

"Awww take all the fun outta life why dontcha."

The following morning Harley woke up a little while after J. She had a raging headache and her stomach felt a little off. She hoped she wasn't getting the flu that was going around. She wandered into the kitchen where he had already brewed a pot of decaf coffee and made his fertility smoothie. They still looked toxic but he had found a few that actually tasted ok. He poured a cup of the coffee and went to hand it to Harley.

"Morning Pumpkin. Coffee?" As the smell of the brew hit her nose she turned several shades of green, spun on her heel and ran to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her where she spent several minutes heaving into the commode. J followed behind her, concerned.

"Harley, you ok in there Pumpkin?" He heard a pause in the retching noises.

"I'll be fine Pu- HHUUURRGGHH. Puddin." A few moments later he heard the toilet flush and the sound of her brushing her teeth. She opened the door looking flushed. He walked over and placed his hand on her brow.

"Cool as a cucumber. Harl, I think maybe we should do one more of those pregnancy tests." She shrugged.

"It's probably just the flu, so don't get your hopes up, but okay."

She went back in the bathroom, peed on the little stick, shook off the excess and brought it into the kitchen. She laid it down on folded up paper towels on the kitchen counter as the two of them stared at it. J kept glancing at the clock, so far only thirty seconds had passed. The next two and a half minutes seemed like the longest of their lives. Finally very faintly at first but after twenty seconds much more prominently, a pink plus sign developed. They both stared at the test slack jawed. Slowly they turned to meet each other's eyes. Harley's were filling with tears, Jokers twinkling with excitement. They threw their arms around one another as they both simultaneously screamed.

"We're pregnant!"

Joker laughed as he spun her around in a circle, then elaborately dipped her and smashed his lips against hers. He felt her hands banging on his shoulders and he set her back on her feet just in time for her to run back into the bathroom to vomit again.

J stared at the little plus sign as he waited for her to come back out. He was going to be a father. He felt a little bit panicked. He was going to have a tiny, new little life to shape and mold. That was a pretty big responsibility. He shrugged. Well, he did a pretty damn good job with Harley, how different could this be? He opened the fridge and poured a glass of ginger ale which he set on the counter. Harley came out of the bathroom looking pale but excited.

"Pumpkin, why don't I make you some dry toast while you sip on this. You still look a little green around the gills." She smiled widely.

"We did it Puddin. My dream is finally coming true and it's all thanks to you." She put her arms around his neck and lovingly kissed him. He pulled back abruptly with his nose wrinkled up.

"I hate to ruin the moment Harl, but you _really_ need to brush your teeth." He said as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Sorry Pud. Be right back."

A short time later Joker was sitting on the couch with Harley between his legs, her back leaning against his chest. He circled her with his arms and rested his hands on her belly. She turned her head so she could look up at him.

"We have a lot to do over the next few weeks." He glanced down at her.

"Harls, the baby won't be here for nine months, I think we've got some time." She playfully elbowed him in the gut.

"I need to find an OBGYN and make a prenatal appointment. I need to go get my pre-natal vitamins, we need to start shopping for baby clothes and start thinking about names." He rubbed her tummy gently.

"Well see, that's not so much. I need to buy a box of cigars for our big announcement!"

"Puddin, I'd kinda like to hold off on that for now. Ya know until I see a doctor and the biggest risk of miscarriage passes." He frowned. He was excited and wanted everyone to know he had an heir on the way.

"Can't I at least tell Harvey?" She considered it.

"Yeah I guess. I suppose I should tell Red too." He grinned.

"Would you like me to send one of the Chuckle Patch out to get your vitamins Poo? And if you have anything particularly embarrassing for them to pick up I can have them do that too." She giggled.

"Actually I do, have them pick up some panty liners while they're there. I may spot for the first few weeks. Good idea Puddin." She replied with a sly smile.

"So are you scared Pumpkin?" She shrugged.

"Not so much scared but I guess maybe nervous." He kissed her cheek.

"About what? You're going to be a terrific mom."

"It's not that even. I'm gonna get fat and get stretchmarks and my hips can widen from childbirth. What if you stop finding me attractive after the baby comes?"

"Oh Harl, you silly little thing. I'll love you no matter what you look like. Unless you stay fat after the baby."

"Puddin!" She elbowed him in the ribs, hard this time.

"Well think about it. How are you supposed to get back in the harlequin suit? Plus Pumpkin, I would hate it if every time someone called you fat you cut yourself – a piece of cake! Ha ha!"

"Puddin, you're terrible!"

"Oh lighten up babe, you know I'm only poking fun." She rolled onto her belly so they were face to face.

"I can't believe we're finally gonna have a baby. I'm gonna be someone's mom. Do you think the baby is going to look more like you or like me?"

"I don't know Pumpkin. I just hope it doesn't inherit my nose."

"Well I like your nose, I think it's very distinguished." He scoffed.

"I think the most important thing is that the baby is healthy, the rest we'll take as it comes"

"I love you so much Puddin."

"I love you too Poo."


	11. Chapter 11

Legacy Chapter 11

It had been about four weeks since Harley discovered she was pregnant, and although she was still very happy at the prospect of being a mother, so far things for her weren't going particularly well. She had morning sickness. Often. And it wasn't simply confined to the mornings. Aromas she used to find quite pleasant now smelled atrocious and made her feel queasy. Even as she battled constant nausea she had a bottomless hunger that could never be sated, not even with an extra-large pizza. She had breast sensitivity, abdominal cramps and always seemed fatigued. Her hormones were all over the place, which led to violent mood swings. She cried over the littlest things these days. One moment she hated everything and the next she was loving and cuddly and the changes could happen within seconds. Not to mention she already felt bloated and gross and she wasn't even showing yet.

They had both refrained from telling anyone they were pregnant so far, but at this point there was absolutely no doubt. Dr. Radcliffe did them a solid and talked a colleague of hers into being their OBGYN. His name was Dr. Maher and he agreed to schedule their appointments in the evenings much like Dr. Radcliffe had, for a considerable fee of course. Their first appointment was in another two weeks and they were both feeling a little anxious.

Harley was in the living room watching television and eating a huge bowl of cereal. She had already battled one bout of morning sickness as soon as she got up and now she was ravenous. Joker was in the kitchen staring at the coffee maker longingly. Now that Harley was pregnant he could go off his ridiculous diet, but so many things he enjoyed made Harley sick so he was still mostly going without. He had been doing his best to be understanding and patient with her. He read about the possible side effects of being pregnant in "What to Expect When You're Expecting" but leave it to Harley to get every single one of them. He had to admit to himself that his patience was already wearing pretty thin. He poured a glass of orange juice and made some toast with jam and went to sit on the couch with his girlfriend. She was watching the Price is Right and as he sat down it went to commercial.

"How are you feeling Pumpkin?" He asked as she shoveled a huge spoonful of cereal into her mouth.

"Better. Starving." She replied with her mouth full.

As she swallowed her food a commercial for the A.S.P.C.A. came on. The one with the pathetically sad faces of animals and Sarah McLaughlin's 'Arms of the Angel' playing. Harley burst out in tears. He rolled his eyes.

"Really Harl? You've seen this a hundred times. Why the waterworks this time?"

"B-because P-puddin, it's j-just so s-sad." She sniffled. He sighed heavily and she turned her head to glare at him. "Well excuse me for caring about the poor little animals you insensitive pig!" She replied angrily. He burst out laughing. Her face was all red and screwed up and it just struck him as funny, which infuriated her even more. "Ya know if you can't be more supportive, you can just leave!"

Joker's face lit up. Those were the words he'd been dying to hear for the past month.

"Ya, know Pumpkin, that's the best idea you've had all day! I have some errands to run anyway." He got up from the couch. "Say Poo, can I finally tell Harvey the good news or what?" she huffed out a breath.

"I suppose so. When will you be back?" She said as she gave him a squinty eyed stare.

"I promise to be back by dinner. Okay Pumpkin?"

"Yeah fine, whatever." Her face brightened. "Hey Pud? Can you stop at Gothamburger on your way back?"

"Of course Poo. What do you want?" She got up and headed to the kitchen. "Where are you going?"

"To get a pen and a piece of paper."

Oh dear lord, what the hell could she be getting that's so complicated she needs to write it down. He watched her scribbling on the paper for a minute or two then she turned and handed it to him. He looked at her list and his jaw dropped.

"Harl, I know you're eating for two now but this would feed a small army." He said as he held the list up.

" _You_ puke five times a day then let me know how hungry you are, funny man!" He held up his hands in surrender.

"Okay, okay. Don't bite my head off!" If she did, she'd probably swallow that too, he thought to himself.

He called Lewis and told him to come over with the car. He called Harvey on the way over. Joker faked a glum sounding voice

"Yeah?" Harvey said as he answered his phone.

"Hey Harv."

"J? What's the matter?"

"Listen, mind if I stop by for a bit? I have to talk to you about something." Harvey paused for a moment. He wondered what kind of bad news J was going to deliver. He flipped his coin.

"Yeah sure, come on over."

As they headed towards Otisburg Joker had Lewis stop at a liquor store and pick up a bottle of brandy and some cigars. They reached Harvey's apartment and J knocked on his door. He tried to look as sad as he could manage. Harvey opened the door and gave the melancholy clown a once over.

"Well your suit's pressed so it can't be that Harley left you again. Come on in." He locked the door and led J into the living room. "So what's going on J?" A giant grin split his face and he spread his arms as he shouted.

"I knocked Harley up! I'm gonna be a dad Harv!" Harvey was visibly stunned. Joker pulled the brandy and cigars from inside pocket of his trench coat. "I think it's time to celebrate!" Harvey clapped J on the back.

"That's great J! I'm so happy for you!" Harvey went to the bar and grabbed two snifters as J opened the bottle. "Jesus, I thought you were about to tell me something horrible. So when did you find out?" J poured a few fingers of the brown liquid into each snifter as Harvey cut the tips off the cigars.

"Four weeks ago. We wanted to make sure it wasn't a false positive before we told anyone. You're the first to know." They lit their cigars and sat down on the bar stools. Joker held the glass of liquor up before his eyes as he said, "Boy are you a sight for sore eyes." He took a sip and savored the burn as the brandy slid down his throat. Harvey barked out a laugh.

"So I take it you're off your special diet now?" J smiled and puffed on his cigar.

"You got that Goddamn right!"

"Well congratulations J! Cheers!" They lifted their glasses, clinked the rims and took a sip. "So how's Harley? She must be excited." Joker rolled his eyes.

"She's a train wreck Harv. She's happy of course, but she's suffering a lot. On one hand I feel for her, but on the other hand she's driving me up a fucking wall." Harvey's eyes widened.

"What do you mean, she's suffering."

"Well she pukes _all the time_. Why do they call it morning sickness when it happens morning, noon and night? Everything smells bad to her. I can't even make coffee in my own house anymore! She's been eating anything that's not tied down. And don't even get me started on the mood swings. I'll just say this, if you thought Harley was crazy before you ain't seen _nothing_ my friend. I keep expecting her head to start spinning around and pea soup to spew out of her mouth. I'm afraid she might slit my throat in my sleep." Harvey laughed as he pictured the visual in his head. "Harv, you know Murphy's Law?" Harvey nodded. "Well so far that's been Harley's pregnancy but multiplied by five."

"Jeez J, that really sucks." Harvey replied as he exhaled a puff of cigar smoke.

"You ain't whistling Dixie, Harv and I've been stuck in the house with her like this for four long, torturous weeks! She's been a handful alright." He took a large gulp of the brandy.

"Damn, well please send Harley both my congratulations and condolences." Harvey held up the bottle. "Refill?"

"Do you even need to ask?"

Meanwhile, Harley decided to invite Ivy over so she could give her the news. As much as she would have loved to get out of the house, her morning sickness was still too unpredictable. She was in the kitchen peering into the fridge. She felt hungry but she didn't know what she was hungry for. She heard the knock and went to open the door.

"Hey Pammy, come on in! I was just trying to figure out what to make, you hungry?" Suddenly Harley sniffed the air and wrinkled her nose as she turned towards Pam. "Awwww nuts! Not you too?" She slapped her hand over her mouth and ran for the bathroom where Pam heard her retching. When she finally re-emerged Pam stared at her partially in wonder and partially in disgust.

"Oh my God you're pregnant aren't you?" Harley giggled.

"Heh, what gave it away?" Ivy rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Gee I don't know Harl, maybe the fact that you were just looking for food and two seconds later barfed your brains out?"

"Ugg Pam, are you wearing perfume or something? Cause it's kinda making me queasy."

"No, it's probably my pheromones, I'll dial them back as much as I can." Pam closed her eyes for a moment and the smell dissipated.

"Oh that is so much better, thanks Red. This being pregnant thing has been a lot harder than I thought it would. People always talk about pregnant women glowing. I'm not freaking glowing! I'm bloated and puking my guts out!" Pam glanced at her sympathetically.

"I wish you told me about this before you had me come over. I could have synthesized something to help with your morning sickness. Maybe a ginger and lemon hybridization. I'll try to work something up for you tonight." Harley looked mildly relieved.

"Thanks Red, because this is the pits. But I'm really happy I'm finally gonna be a mom, even if I do feel like crap."

"Well congratulations I guess. How far along are you?"

"I won't have my first pre-natal visit for another couple of weeks but as far as I can calculate about five to six weeks. Oh you have to come see what Mistah J did with the nursery. The pictures just don't do it justice!" She grabbed Ivy's hand and dragged her down the hallway.

Back at Harvey's J looked up at the clock and choked on his brandy.

"Shit. I gotta go Harv. If I don't get back with Harley's Gothamburger order soon, I don't know what she might do to me!" Harvey waved him away.

"Run J, run like the wind!" Harvey chuckled as J darted out the door. Thank God Gracie kept pretty far away from him while she was pregnant, he couldn't imagine dealing with all that. Ahh Joker, you poor bastard. J bolted down the stairs and hopped into the car.

"Gothamburger Lewis, and step on it or Harley will castrate me!" Minutes later they were in the Gothamburger drive thru. Joker handed him Harley's list. "Here Lewis, and add a cheeseburger Jolly-Time meal and a chocolate shake to that."

Lewis looked down at the list and started laughing. He raised his eyes in the rearview to look at his boss.

"Harley pregnant?" Joker's eyes widened.

"How did you know?"

"I remember what it was like when my girl was pregnant. She sent me out all hours of the day and night for some of the craziest shit. Never in my life saw that girl eat so much!" Joker let out a relieved breath.

"Thank God, Lewis! The baby books said she'd have an increased appetite but this is just ridiculous. So it's pretty normal?"

"Pffft, heck yeah boss. Wait until she's about 12 weeks along. That's when shit gets weird as hell. I'm talking like nachos on a bowl of strawberries and whipped cream." Joker screwed up his face.

"Really? Well I'm not looking forward to that." Lewis chuckled.

"Well get ready, cause if I know Harley she'll be eating some really fucked up shit."

They were next in line. Lewis pulled up and spent the next five minutes rattling off Harley's order. He pulled forward, paid the teenage girl at the window and was handed four bags, a full drink caddy and three ice cream sundaes. Lewis eyed Joker in the rearview.

"Well maybe this is a _little_ extreme, but it's Harley boss so go figure." Pam had left by the time Joker got back with their food.

"Poobear, I'm home!" He yelled as he walked in the door laden with bags and cups. He juggled them until he was able to set everything down on the kitchen counter. "I have your Gothamburgers Pumpkin!"

Harley bounced into the kitchen. Oh good, Joker thought, she seems like she's in a good mood for a change.

"Hey Pud, how is Harvey?" She said enthusiastically as she grabbed one of the fast food bags and a cherry shake.

"He's good, he said to tell you congratulations. He also said he was sorry to hear you've had so many awful side effects." Joker grabbed his Jolly-Time meal and his chocolate shake and followed Harley into the living room.

"Well that was awful nice of him."

"You seem to be in a better mood Pumpkin, did you have a nice time with Pammy?" Harley was unwrapping a double bacon cheeseburger.

"Yeah I did Puddin. It felt good to finally be able to tell someone I'm pregnant. She's working on something to help with my morning sickness." Joker smiled and raised his eyebrows.

"That's great Poo. I'm sure Pam will fix you right up." Harley took a huge bite of her burger and sighed as she chewed.

"Oh man that's good stuff. I've been looking forward to this all day." She washed her burger down with a sip of her shake.

"Oh by the by, Lewis figured out on his own that you're preggo." She had just shoved a handful of fries into her mouth.

"How'd he figure that out?" She said with her mouth still full. Joker just chuckled at her. Her cheeks were so full she looked like a chipmunk.

"Well Poo, he is the one who had to order your little Gothamburger banquet. He said his girl was the same way when she was preggers." She smiled around her mouthful. She chewed and swallowed before asking.

"So have you put any thought into names yet?"

"For the baby?" She rolled her eyes.

"No for the family dog." She replied sarcastically. "Of course for the baby!" His eyes rolled into the back of his head as he bit into his cheeseburger.

"Oh beef, how I've missed you so." He took a sip of his shake before replying. "I don't know Harl. Shouldn't we find out if we're having a girl or a boy before we go through the trouble of picking a name?" Harley polished off her burger.

"Hand me that crispy chicken sandwich, would ya Puddin? Oh, and the onion rings too." He couldn't believe the amount of food she was packing away. Although she'll probably just puke it up later anyway. "I don't know. I guess I just can't help myself from thinking about it. Do you want to know the sex of the baby ahead of time? I was kinda thinking it might be nice to let it be a surprise." He looked at her like she'd just grown a second head.

"Harley, I know you're a little distracted with everything but do you really think I can wait another eight months to find something like that out? You know what I'm like at Christmas."

"Don't remind me. One year I'll find a place to hide your presents where you really can't find them. I'd like at least one present to be a surprise for you just once in our lives." She shrugged. "I suppose your right. It'll make buying clothes and toys easier if we know, I guess."

"And once we know we can start thinking more seriously about names. Okay Pumpkin?"

Harley managed to keep down her dinner for the first time in weeks. Joker was feeling a little optimistic that she might be feeling up to a little hanky-panky. She'd been so ill they hadn't had sex in an entire month and he was feeling a little anxious. She was in the shower so he thought he'd try to set the mood. He lit some candles and turned on a little Barry White. He pulled a furry leopard patterned throw blanket out of the closet and spread it on the bed. Then dug in his underwear drawer for the red silk boxers with the little pink hearts on them Harley had given him for Valentine's Day a few years back but he rarely wore and slipped them on. He posed himself on the bed as sexily as he could manage. Harley walked in wearing her bathrobe and rubbing her hair with a towel. She stopped dead in her tracks, looked at J and burst out laughing hysterically. He was a little insulted.

"Puddin, what in the world are you doing?" She managed once her laughter died down to giggles.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" He said slightly annoyed. "I was trying to set a romantic mood for you." She hung the towel on a hook on the wall and started pulling her hairbrush through her tangled damp hair. He couldn't believe this. In fifteen years he had never had to go to such lengths to get Harley interested in having sex. Normally all he had to do was crook a finger and she was ready to rumble. He was out of his element. She set down her hairbrush and walked over to the bed with an indulgent smile on her face.

"Well it's very sweet of you Mistah J."

"I guess that means you're not in the mood?" he replied with an exaggerated frown.

"Actually Puddin." She untied her bathrobe and let it drop to the floor. "I'm feeling pretty good tonight so I had every intention of molesting you anyway. The candles are a nice touch though." He smiled and grabbed her hand.

"Get over here you little tease." He said as he pulled her on top of him. She kissed him and rubbed herself along his length as her already hardened nipples grazed his bare chest. "Now that's what I'm talking about Harls."

Afterward Harley fell asleep almost immediately but J basked in the afterglow as he held her in his arms. He ran his hand towards her stomach and gently rubbed it. She was carrying his child, his heir, inside of her. He still couldn't believe it sometimes. The Joker, The Clown Prince of Crime, The Harlequin of Hate was going to be someone's Dad. He hadn't said anything about it to Harley but he was hoping for a boy. A little Joker Junior to carry on his legacy. It was a little scary, a little nerve-racking but it was pretty exhilarating too. He was holding his family in his arms right now and it gave him a wonderful feeling, a mix of pride, wonderment and affection. He squeezed Harley and she moaned in her sleep. He buried his nose in her hair and thought about his son challenging that little prig Robin, who was not so little anymore. The kid had to be twenty-five by now. He would likely be wearing the cape and cowl by the time Junior was old enough to start spreading some smiles throughout Gotham. Joker drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face and dreamt about the future.


	12. Chapter 12

Legacy Chapter 12

The tonic and lozenges Pam had synthesized in her lab for Harley were doing wonders for her morning sickness. Now, sometimes she'd go three whole days without throwing up. Since she wasn't as sick, she wasn't eating as much either, she became more of a constant grazer, picking at small snacks pretty consistently throughout the day. She was feeling so good in fact, that she, Pam and Selina decided to have a girl's day out. She had already told a handful of people about the pregnancy but until her first pre-natal visit they were holding off on the official announcement. Selina was one of the few besides Pam who knew. Harley and she may not be as close as they used to be but at one time the three of them were roommates so she decided she should know about it.

They spent a few hours shopping. Harley still wasn't showing yet but her pants didn't quite fit anymore and she needed replacements. Not to mention she was going to need maternity clothes. The trio were in the dressing room at Burgdorf's department store. Harley just came out of the dressing room in a pair of jeans and was turning this way and that in the tri-fold mirror.

"My God, my butt looks so freaking big! I can't believe I'm already up a pant size!" She was sulking as she gazed at her ass over her shoulder. Selina came out of the changing stall in a sleek black cocktail dress looking skinny and gorgeous. "This just isn't fair! I feel so fat already."

"Oh Harley, will you stop? You look fine, your butt is not big. You're pregnant, you have a beautiful little life growing inside you. Isn't that worth nine months of bloating?" Harley stuck her bottom lip out in a slight pout.

"I guess so, but it still sucks." She sighed as Pam came out of her stall in a green low cut romper looking amazing as always. Harley pressed her lips together as she looked enviously at Pam's slender waist and curvy hips. "Maybe I picked the wrong people to go shopping with. Don't we have any chubby friends?" Pam chuckled at her.

"Sorry Harl, not unless you want go to Hong Kong and shop with Suzie Su." She cringed, "That's a horrifying proposition. That woman has more chins than a Chinese phone book." She shuddered, "I think you're stuck with us girly." Harley sighed.

" _I think_ I'm going to be _stuck_ in yoga pants for the next few months. Lemme try on some of this maternity crap."

Selina and Pam were both finished trying on their selections as Harley went back in the changing stall to try some of the maternity clothes they picked out for her. They waited on a couch just outside of the dressing room for her to finish up. After about fifteen minutes Harley still hadn't emerged so they decided to investigate. They found her crying quietly in the changing room. Pam knelt down and grabbed Harley's hand.

"Harls, what's the matter sweetie? Are you okay?"

Harley sniffled and wiped her nose with the back of her hand then reached down and pulled out the stretchy stomach area of the maternity pants she had on as far as they would go. They cleared her belly by a good foot and a half.

"Look at it Red, I'm gonna be soooo faaat!" She whined then burst out into a new bout of tears. Once she caught her breath she looked at Pam through wet lashes. "Isn't there a way to have a baby without destroying your body?" Selina looked at Harley and smiled tolerantly.

"Well maybe if you were dating Lex Luthor instead of the Joker, but would you really want to be having a laboratory baby with ol' Chrome Dome?" She replied with a smirk. Harley giggled then sniffled and wiped her eyes.

"Nah, I guess not. That guy's such a stick in the mud, he just doesn't know how to take a joke. Besides male pattern baldness is hereditary anyways." Pam chuckled and pulled Harley up off the bench.

"C'mon Harls, get dressed and we'll go get some wi-, um water."

"It's okay Red, you and Selina can drink around me, I don't really miss it all that much. What I really miss is caffeine. I'd kill for a Zesti Cola right now!"

"Well let's get going and maybe we can sneak you a half glass."

Harley changed back into her street clothes and the girls took her out to lunch which seemed to be exactly what she needed. She felt more normal than she had in weeks which was a total relief. She was still moody and achy, but having gotten over the worst of the morning sickness made such a huge difference in her life. The girls really cheered her up. By the time she got home later that afternoon she felt like her bubbly old self again.

"Oh Puddin, I'm home!" she singsonged.

Her arms were laden with bags from their shopping trip. She dropped them on the bed and went to find J. He was hunched over his desk scribbling away furiously, something he hadn't done in a while. It made her nervous. He'd been keeping out of trouble for months, she hoped the urge to get back out on the streets and fight B-man hadn't gripped him again. If he were to get into a punch up with Batsy and ended up back in Arkham while she's pregnant she'd kill him.

"Puddin," she said warily. "Whatcha doin?" He turned and gave her a brilliant smile.

"Come take a look Poo!" She slowly walked over to his desk. He had all kinds of diagrams and plans laid out. She wasn't quite sure what she was looking at.

"What is all this Pud?" He chuckled.

"It's baby's first deathtrap building kit. I'm going to make the parts myself." He pointed to one of his other drawings, "This one is baby's first bomb building kit, but wait this is the best yet!" He got up and uncovered a boxy looking thing he had on a table across the room. " _This_ is baby's first Bat dissection kit! Ha ha ha!" She cautiously walked over to look at what he had put together. When she saw it she had to laugh out loud. He had built a game similar to Operation except it had a picture of B-man on the front instead of the fat guy from the original. "Isn't it great Poo?"

"Awww Puddin, you're just so thoughtful. I'm sure the baby will love it when it's old enough to actually play with any of it."

"I know I'm jumping ahead a bit, but I need something to keep my mind occupied during the day. It's not like we can just walk into a movie theater without causing a police incident." She got on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

"Well I'm very proud of you Mistah J. You had me worried for a minute." He patted her on top of her head.

"Oh, don't worry Poo, I promise not to go back to Arkham even if I am getting a little antsy. There's no telling what you might do to me. So instead I have decided to fill my time passing on my legacy to the next generation. I'm going to document all of my formulas, deathtraps, schemes, jokes and gags to teach Junior one day. I'm going to teach him, or her I suppose, everything I know about the super-villain racket. I'm thinking of making up some picture books of things like guns and explosives. Ya know, really give the kid a leg up."

"Well I think that's a great idea Puddin. You keep it up and I'll go make supper." She released a relieved breath once she was out of the room. As long as he had something else to keep him occupied she didn't have to worry so much.

The following day was their first appointment with Dr. Maher. It was daylight savings time so they couldn't go to his office until after 8 PM once it had gotten dark. He let the couple in the rear door.

"Mr. Joker, Miss Quinn this way please."

He was tall and barrel chested with thinning brown hair. He led them down a hallway where he had Harley weigh in. Then he led them to an examination room and took Harley's blood pressure as he asked a few questions.

"So Miss Quinn, do you know when you conceived?" She nodded.

"Yeah I do, it was sometime between March 27th and March 31st." He released the pressure on the arm cuff.

"Blood pressure is normal. So, that being the case, you will be due sometime between December 18th and December 22nd." He ran through Harley's medical history before continuing the examination.

"Okay scoot down and put your feet in the stirrups please, we need to do a brief pelvic exam."

Joker looked on as the doctor began the exam. Dr. Maher prepared a speculum, inserted it and had a look at Harley's cervix. Once that was completed Joker watched as the doctor inserted two fingers inside of his girl and started feeling around. His instinct was to slit the guy's throat. No other guy should be putting his fingers or anything else in a place only he should be allowed. He resisted the urge and kept his mouth shut for fear of Harley knocking his block off.

"Okay everything seems fine, but since you're over the age of forty and this is your first child, I'd like to do an ultrasound just to confirm there are no potential complications."

He raised the paper gown to expose Harley's belly and squirted a clear gel onto it. He lifted the transducer and applied it to her stomach and a grainy black and white image popped up onto the nearby screen. There in the center of a black circle was a small oblong shape. The doctor pointed to the screen.

"This here is your baby, and right here is its head."

Harley and Joker gazed in wonder at the tiny little shape on the screen. The doctor turned on the sound on and they could hear a rapid little whirring sound.

"And that is your baby's heartbeat."

Harley grabbed Joker's hand as her eyes flooded with tears. Joker was honestly a little emotional himself, which he didn't quite expect.

"Puddin, can you believe it? It's beautiful."

"Well I wouldn't use the word beautiful since he still looks like a little tadpole. But I'll admit it's pretty amazing." The doctor looked up at the couple.

"Would you like a printout to take home with you?" They answered the doctor simultaneously.

"Yes!"

They hadn't expected to actually see their baby, they had both read that usually wasn't done until around 12-14 weeks. They were ecstatic. When they got back into the car they didn't even acknowledge Lewis. They embraced one another as their lips met. Lewis headed towards the Ha-hacienda as the two clowns kissed and caressed one another, oblivious to his presence. He was more than a little uncomfortable. Public displays of affection were never the Joker's thing, but here he was making out with his girl in the backseat. Lewis may have been speeding just a little more than was necessary, but he wanted to get them home before any clothes came off. He couldn't imagine having the image of the J-man's white ass burned into his memory for the rest of his life.

The couple was rudely interrupted by flashing lights behind them. Joker was pissed, Harley looked scared.

"Talk about ruining the mood! God damn it Lewis!" The Joker growled. Lewis swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Sorry boss, I was distracted."

"I just bet you were. Well what the hell are you waiting for Lewis? Punch it!" He yelled furiously.

Lewis stomped his foot down on the gas pedal and sped down the Abel Crowne Memorial Parkway. The cops turned on their sirens and pursued them. Lewis weaved in and out of lanes trying to evade the squad car. In the rearview he could see two more black and whites with lights and sirens on pulling on from one of the entrance ramps.

"Puddin! Do something!"

"Lewis, head for the Schwartz Bypass!"

Joker pulled his gun and rolled down his window. He leaned out and aimed for the lead cars front tire. Joker was a sharpshooter so he easily nailed it. The tire blew out causing the squad car to zig-zag erratically until it spun out and the front end crashed violently into the inside guard rail. Lewis veered off the Parkway onto the Schwartz Bypass crossing the Sprang River. The other two squad cars were still in pursuit. Joker searched through his pockets until he came up with a small grenade with a bright yellow smiley face painted onto it. He pulled the pin waited three seconds and lobbed it at the car nearest the outside guard rail. It exploded, causing the cruiser to flip up and over the side of the bridge. Harley squealed as she watched it fall into the river in a fiery ball.

"Way to go Puddin!"

"Not now Harley! Just buckle up already!" They got off the bypass and entered Coventry.

"Lewis, we need get off get off the streets!" He handed his phone to Harley. "Harls, call the henchmen and have them get the bay doors opened! Lewis head towards the docks!" Joker continued firing at the cruiser while Lewis tried to lose it by crisscrossing different streets. This cop was tenacious and a damn good driver to be able to avoid Joker's bullets. The cops began to return fire. Joker fired again and heard a dull click followed by a yellow 'BANG' flag popping out.

"Dammit, I'm out. Lewis! Give me your nine!"

Lewis pulled the gun out of his waistband and handed it to Joker. The cop moved to Harley's side of their car. Another gunshot rang out shattering the rear window.

"Harley get down! Now!"

Joker anchored his elbow on the back window sill to steady his aim, glass digging into his flesh. He took a deep breath, focused, let the breath back out and fired. He nailed the driver of the squad car directly between the eyes. The car swerved out of control and smashed into a row of parked cars.

"Step on it Lewis! Go, go, go!"

They had to be doing close to ninety miles an hour down the quiet side streets of Coventry. They didn't slow until they neared the paper mill. The bay doors were open manned by two henchmen on either side. Lewis screeched to a halt inside and the henches slammed the doors closed behind them. Joker pocketed Lewis's gun and turned to Harley.

"Harley, look at me! Are you okay?"

He grabbed her shoulders and she lifted her head to meet his worried eyes. She had several small cuts on her face from the glass that were bleeding.

"I-I'm okay Puddin. Just a little shaken up."

He unbuckled her seatbelt, threw open the door and helped her out of the car. He gave her a once over. More small cuts on her arms but nothing serious. Lewis stepped out of the car ready to face his fate. Joker rounded on him, pulling the nine millimeter and placing it to Lewis's forehead.

"What the hell happened Lewis?" Joker screamed. Lewis's breathing had sped up and sweat was beading up on his brow.

"I don't know boss! I think I might have been speeding a little. I'm sorry! Please J-man, I gotta kid."

Joker heard sirens growing closer. They weren't in the clear yet, the cops must be patrolling the neighborhood trying to find them. A gunshot would tip them off. Joker pushed Lewis's head back with the muzzle of the gun.

"We're not through here Lewis. Consider this a temporary stay of execution!"

"Puddin?" Harley said weakly. Joker pocketed the gun and turned around. Harley had gone white. "Pud, I don't feel so good."

Joker dashed over to her as her eyes fluttered into the back of her head and her body went slack. He got there just in time to stop her from falling to the floor, although he was holding her awkwardly. The henchmen just stared at the scene with slack jawed looks on their faces.

"Well don't just stand there you idiots get over here and help me!"

Two of the henchmen helped Joker carry Harley to one of the rooms they used as a sleeping quarters and laid her carefully down on one of the mattresses. Joker tried to wake her by gently patting her cheek but she didn't respond.

"Someone get me the first aid kit. Now!" The henches scattered like cockroaches.

"Harl, Harley. C'mon wake up and look at Daddy."

Smiley came back into the room with the first aid kit and handed it to Joker. He opened the lid and grabbed an ammonium carbonate capsule, snapped it open and ran it underneath Harleys's nose. A moment later her eyelids began to twitch then sprang open.

"Harls, talk to me are you okay?"

"Yeah Pud, I'm fine, I just got a little lightheaded I guess." She attempted to get up but Joker pushed her back down onto the bed.

"Just lie still Pumpkin and let Daddy get these cuts cleaned up."

Twenty minutes later Joker had Harley patched up and the sounds of sirens had faded away. He figured they were safe at this point. He walked out into the outer room.

"Someone get a car ready. You two!" He pointed at two members of the Chuckle Patch, help Harley to the car and be very gentle with her or you'll answer to me, understand?" They nodded their heads vigorously and scampered off. He turned to look at Lewis. "And you, get over here. We need to have a little talk about following the rules."

Lewis shuffled over to the Joker knowing today was the day he'd be cashing in his chips and going to meet his maker. Joker stared him down.

"What is rule number one about being the driver, Lewis?" Joker said conversationally. Lewis raised his sad eyes to J's.

"Do the speed limit unless told otherwise."

"That's right Lewis, and why do we have this rule?" Joker was speaking as if talking to a naughty child. The other henchmen had begun to gather on the outskirts of the room to watch the spectacle unfold.

"Because if we get pulled over we all go to jail."

"Very good Lewis. So tell me, what was so important that you had to go and speed, tonight of all nights?" He yelled.

"I'm sorry boss. I just thought you and Harley wanted to get home is all."

"And why exactly did you think that? Did we say that Lewis?"

"No sir, I just thought t-" Joker cut him off as he pulled the gun out of his pocket and placed it against Lewis's forehead.

"And that was your first mistake. You aren't paid to think Lewis! You're paid to drive but since you can't even seem to manage that-" Harley walked into the room escorted by Smiley and Chuckles.

"Puddin NO!" He glanced at her and saw her round pleading eyes staring back at him. He growled in the back of his throat as his finger tightened on the trigger. "Puddin please, not Lewis!"

"Christ!" he roared as he quickly turned the gun on Jolly and shot him in the face. He spun and addressed the rest of the room. "Let this be a lesson to all of you! If you don't follow my rules somebody dies! Got it?"

Lewis fell to his knees. The crotch of his pants had gone dark and he now kneeled in a puddle of his own piss. Joker strode past him to Harley who still looked a little wobbly. He wanted to just grab her by the wrist and drag her to the waiting car but he didn't dare jostle her and the baby after their recent ordeal. Instead he picked her up and put her in the car. Once they drove the three short blocks and were safely in their apartment Harley embraced Joker.

"Thank you for not killing Lewis, Puddin." He was still annoyed with her for that. "He has a kid who relies on him."

"You know Harl, sometimes I think you're making me soft. He deserved a bullet in the brain! Look what he put you through. Had things been a little different you might have been hurt. Hurt enough to lose the baby!"

"I know Pud, but I didn't get hurt, I'm fine see? Besides it was our fault." His face bore an irksome expression as he stared down at her.

"How was it _our_ fault?"

"We were making out in the backseat. None of the boys have ever seen that before. I think it must have freaked him out."

"It doesn't matter, your safety comes first and foremost and until Lewis can prove he understands that, we're picking a new driver. Anyway if I see him I still might shoot him!" he grumbled.

"Okay Pud."

"Are you okay? Really? No cramping or lower back pain or anything?"

"Puddin, I'm fine really. But I really, really need to pee."

Harley went into the bathroom. As she pulled down her pants to relieve herself she saw it. Three bright spots of fresh blood.

"Don't freak out Harley, spotting is normal. As long as it stops, we're fine. No need to panic. No need at all." She whispered to herself. She just wished she felt as confident as she sounded.


	13. Chapter 13

Legacy Chapter 13

To Harley's relief Joker was still too angry at Lewis and subsequently at Harley to want to pick up where they had left off in the car earlier. In fact he had locked himself in his office and she could hear him pacing, muttering and throwing things around. It may be just a little blood, but she didn't want to take any chances. She showered and inserted a panty liner into her underwear just in case there was any more spotting overnight. Since she was still feeling a little shaky from the adrenaline and shock she decided to lie down and eventually fell asleep. In her slumber she vaguely recalled feeling J come to bed either very late or very early the following morning.

When she woke he was already in the kitchen brewing coffee. She was feeling much more optimistic after a good night's sleep. Remembering hearing the sound of her tiny fetus's heartbeat in the doctor's office made her quite gleeful. She headed to the bathroom and paled when she saw evidence of more slight bleeding overnight. It was no biggie, really. Just normal spotting, right? Once she finished with her morning routine she headed into the kitchen to start breakfast. J was already up, sitting at the counter waiting for the coffee to brew. She still found the smell gross but it had stopped making her sick and Joker was very relieved to be able to have his caffeine in the mornings. He was always very cranky without it.

"Morning Puddin. How is the most handsome man in the universe today?" She purred as she kissed his cheek.

"Still annoyed that you wouldn't let me kill Lewis last night. What kind of example does that send to the other henchmen?"

She stood behind him, draped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder as she replied.

"Hmmm, how about the example that if you suck up to boss's girl you get a pass every once in a while?"

"I suppose." He grunted.

"I'll pour you some coffee and start your breakfast Pud."

Harley handed him a steaming mug of coffee, started some toast then cracked some eggs into a bowl and began whisking them. As she was scrambling the eggs she had a sharp pain shoot through her pelvis. She reactively placed a hand on her belly then quickly removed it as the pain subsided. It hadn't gone unnoticed. Quick as a flash J was standing beside her, staring her down.

"What the hell was that, Harl?" She tried to act nonchalant but her anxiety was quite obvious.

"Just a little cramp, nothing to worry about." He could tell she was lying.

"You're full of it Harls. What are you not telling me?" She turned the fire off under the eggs before they burned and then looked down at the floor.

"I'm bleeding a little bit, but that's normal in the first trimester." He angrily stared at her.

"But you haven't before last night, have you?" He grabbed her chin and pulled her face up so their eyes met. "And don't lie to me, or I'll know." Her eyes brimmed with tears.

"No Pud I haven't."

"Jesus Christ Harley! Why the hell didn't you tell me?" Her tears spilled over her lids and ran slowly down her cheeks.

"I didn't want to worry you. Spotting _is_ normal in the first trimester." He stomped over to the counter to grab his phone.

"But not with abdominal cramps after a trauma it's not! You think I read all those damn books and learned nothing from it? Dammit Harley. I worked too hard to conceive this kid with you! I'm not letting something happen because we didn't have it checked out!" He dialed Dr. Maher's number but got his answering service.

"I need to talk to the doctor immediately!"

"I'm sorry Dr. Maher is on vacation this week, if you have a medical emergency please go to the nearest emergency room." He hung up on her and dialed another number. "I'm gonna have to call in a favor Harls, I can't bring you to an emergency room. We'd be back in Arkham before we can blink!"

"H-hello?" said a very quiet and timid voice.

"Arnie! It's Joker get Scarface on the line, now!"

"U-uh, I'm sorry Mr. Joker, but Mr. Scarface asked not to be d-disturbed."

Joker was going to lose his patience for this very quickly. Arnold Wesker "The Ventriloquist" was a split personality. His alter ego "Scarface" was actually a wooden puppet, but he was the personality that ran the show. He was a vicious, ruthless psychopath and mob boss in Gotham who had connections even Joker didn't have access to. Arnold was Scarface's lackey who he referred to as his "Dummy." The whole situation was bizarre but Joker had kind of gotten used to it over the years.

"Arnie, you tell ol' Woody that if he doesn't get his oak ass on this phone right now I'm coming over there with a jar of termites, a can of gas and a zippo!"

"O-okay Mr. Joker, one moment please." Joker could hear the conversation between Arnold's selves faintly in the background.

"E-excuse me Mr. Scarface, but Mr. Joker is on the phone and he says it's very important."

"You goog! I told you I was not to ge disturged you stupid Dummy!" Scarface had a speech impediment that made him pronounce his B's as G's. It annoyed Joker to no end.

"But Mr. Scarface, he's threatening to come over here with termites and gasoline."

" _TERMITES!?_ Gimme dat phone!" There was a brief pause. "Hey Joker! Old guddy, old pal. What can I do ya for?"

"Look Scarface I've got a medical emergency over here and I need the number of that mob doctor you know immediately! The good one, Kincaide I think his name was!"

"Wassa matter? Gunshot, stag wound, someone gleeding out?"

"It's Harley, Scarface and I don't have time to gab with you right now! Just gimme the damn number!"

"Heh heh. Now why would I do dat J? Outta the goodness of my heart? What's innit fer me?"

"Just name your price and get it over with already!"

"Okay, okay don't glow a gasket. So youse pay me $50,000 gucks and I'll give you the numger."

"Done, give me the account number!"

Joker transferred the funds from one of his offshore accounts to Arnold/Scarface's account and Scarface finally coughed up the number. Scarface chuckled on the other end of the line.

"Nice doing gusiness wit ya clown goy! Hope your dizzy dame makes it. Until next time."

If the Joker didn't need the phone to dial the doctor he'd throw it across the room. Harley had a soft spot for Arnold but both of them despised Scarface. He wanted to throw that damn puppet on a bonfire and watch him scream as he burned! Joker got in touch with Doctor Kincaid, filled him in on Harley's condition and he agreed to come right over. He let Joker know in advance that'd he be bringing in some portable equipment that would need to be brought up so he called Spike/Smiley and Byron/Chuckles to get over there to do the hauling.

Forty minutes later Doctor Kincade was at the Joker's lair and the remaining two members of the Chuckle Patch were lugging an ancient looking ultrasound machine up the stairs. The doctor was well into his sixties with white hair and a friendly demeanor. He had once removed a bullet from Joker's shoulder over a decade prior.

"Joker, good to see you again. Where's the patient?" Joker started leading the doctor towards the bedroom.

"She's back here Doc." Harley had already prepared by changing into a nightgown and pulling an extra sheet out of the closet to cover her lower half. Once the Chuckle Patch left Joker closed the door and the doctor got to work. He first did a full physical examination.

"Harley I need you to slow your breathing, okay. Your blood pressure is slightly elevated and that's not good for the baby." His voice was calm and rather soothing. "Just relax and we'll see what's going on, okay?"

"I'll try Doc, I'll really try." She replied nervously. He opened his medical bag and withdrew a pair of surgical gloves which he donned.

"Okay Harley I'm going to do a pelvic exam to see if you've sustained any injuries." He was gentle and thorough.

"Now before I make a diagnosis, I'm going to do an ultrasound." As he moved the transducer around he pointed out that the baby's heart was still beating strongly and that there appeared to be no damage to the fetus itself. Joker and Harley both let out a relieved breath simultaneously.

"Okay, so you did experience a minor injury. It's called a placental abruption, where the placenta is separated from the uterine lining. That is what has caused the minor bleeding. There are five levels of severity with this kind of injury. You were very lucky, yours is a 0, which is very minor. You can see it right here." He pointed to a small spot on the screen where the placental sac dipped in slightly. "The baby itself is perfectly fine as far as I can tell, but Harley, you now have what we consider a high-risk pregnancy." Harley's eyes began to get watery.

"So what does that mean Doc?" Asked a concerned looking Joker.

"Well honestly most women who have high-risk pregnancies go on to have perfectly normal and healthy pregnancies. But you will need to see your regular Obstetrician on a more frequent basis and you'll have to be careful. High risk pregnancies can lead to pre-eclampsia or premature labor. I suggest no heavy lifting, no strenuous exercise, no biking. Just use your judgement and don't over tax yourself. For the next several weeks I suggest bed rest and make an appointment with your OB as soon as possible for a consultation." Harley had a grateful smile on her face.

"Thank you doctor, you've made us feel so much better." He smiled back at the cute little blonde.

"It was my pleasure Harley." He turned to Joker. "Congratulations old boy! I never thought I'd see the day you'd settle down and become a family man. Here." He handed the Joker additional contact information for not just himself but a few other associates. "I understand the situation is delicate. Have you considered where she'll deliver?" Joker was taken aback. He hadn't thought that far ahead. It couldn't be in a traditional hospital that's for sure. The doctor pointed to a name on the list he had just handed J. "Claire Porzio is a midwife. I think it may be in your best interest to get in touch with her when Harley reaches her second trimester."

"Thanks Doc, you've been a life saver!"

The two men left the room and settled up the financial end of this business and then the Chuckle Patch came back to drag the heavy equipment back down to the doctor's van. When J came back into the room Harley was sitting up against the headrest supported by plenty of fluffy pillows. He went and joined her on the bed, pulling her against him. She wrapped her arm around his waist and rested her head on his chest.

"Jeez Harl, we just dodged a pretty big bullet there." He grabbed her chin so she could look into his eyes. "If _anything_ like this happens again, you had better tell me right away or Daddy will be _very_ upset with you. Understand?" The corners of her mouth turned down.

"Yes Puddin. I'm sorry. I was in denial." He squeezed her.

"Well luckily no harm done. Ya know, since I heard the little bugger's heart beating yesterday I'm experiencing these overly protective feelings, both of you and Junior. It's strange, a little scary and sort of overwhelming. See, you are making me soft, you little brat." She snuggled into his side, enjoying his warmth.

"Well now you know how I've always felt about you Puddin." She replied with a half lidded glance and a soft smile on her lips.

"Yeah well you've always been a sap." She feigned an overly exaggerated look of offense.

"Well that's not very nice of you Mistah J."

She began to tickle his sides and he jumped as he tried pulling her hands away. He made to roll on top of her when Harley looked at him pointedly.

"Tut, tut, Mistah J. No horseplay, I'm high risk now remember?" He pouted.

"Well that's just not fair." She started tickling him again.

"Who said life is fair Puddin?" He tittered as she tickled him.

"Harls, seriously, quit it! Hey no fair!" He jumped up off the bed and looked down at her with his mouth cocked to one side and narrowed his eyes. "Oh in seven more months you are soooo gonna get it little missy!" Harley's stomach growled loudly.

"I think little Junior is hungry again." She went to get up off the bed.

"What do you think you're doing?" She made a perplexed face. "You're on bed rest. What do you want, I'll go get it."

"Awww thanks Pud. How about a sliced apple with peanut butter and some potato chips. Oh and a big bottle of water." He went to leave the room and she shouted after him. "And a slice of that leftover pizza would be great too." She saw him shaking his head. "Thank you Mistah J. I love you!" He waved his hand in a 'whatever' gesture as he disappeared into the kitchen.

After Harley finished her snack J looked at her.

"So Pumpkin, in four weeks you head into your second trimester right?

"Yeah, why?" He had a guilty yet mischievous look on his face.

"Well, I sort of rented out the entire Iceberg Lounge so we can finally have our big announcement party." Her eyes grew round with surprise.

"Really? Oh Puddin, that's so sweet!"

"Yeah well I just can't wait to see Crane's face when he hears I knocked you up. Plus, I have a box of Cubans to hand out to the boys." He rubbed his hands together as he imagined it. "Anyway, I was hoping you'd give me some input on the menu and festivities. Party planning isn't exactly my forte." Harley pounced on him and smothered him with kisses. "Okay, okay enough already Harls!

"You're just so thoughtful Mistah J. I'd love to help you!"

For the next several hours they went over their choices of menu, décor, party favors, music and entertainment. They adjusted the guest list and worked on the seating arrangements. Harley was so proud of her Puddin. She figured he was finally coming into the quiet time of his life and it was magnificent to see. He was really blossoming as a person. He'd never been more selfless than he had been over the past few months and it filled her with reverence for him. She could only hope and pray that it would last.

Once the party planning was finished they were feeling a little romantic. Since they still needed to go to Dr. Maher before getting the all clear to have sex again, they still spent quite some time enjoying one another in other ways. Afterward they lay in each other's arms and lightly dozed as the sun fell softly through the slats in their blinds. There had never been a time in their years together when they both felt so wholly content with their lives.


	14. Chapter 14

Legacy Chapter 14

They sent the invitations out three weeks before the party. They didn't give away what was being celebrated, just that it was going to be the event of the year. Joker rented out the entire Iceberg Lounge and the gambling that was usually reserved strictly for the back room was going to be extended to the entire lower floor. Craps, black jack, acey deucey, roulette, baccarat, Caribbean stud, poker, it was all going to be available that evening. The dinner menu was expensive and wide-ranging. They had auditioned several bands including Mucous Membrane, a British punk band that was horrendously bad. The lead singer was a surly Brit named John who told Joker he could "Sod off" when they chose not to book them. They decided on a 20-piece orchestra for the opening festivities through dinner and hired DJ Mite to spin dance music the rest of the night.

It was going to be a night to remember. After his little 'issue', Joker wanted to make sure everyone in the villain community knew there was absolutely no problem with his virility or machismo so the guest list was extensive. It included the entire who's who of Gotham villains and a slew from other cities as well including but not limited to Lex Luthor, Mirror Master, Weather Wizard, Deadshot, Trickster, Punch and Jewlee, Tally Man, Black Manta, Metallo, and Toymaker. Joker loved a good party and he was bursting with anticipation for their big announcement.

Harley was finally starting to show. It was just a small little baby bump but since Harley had such a tiny athletic body it was quite noticeable now. J had developed a habit of rubbing it as they lie in bed or cuddled on the couch watching television. She had also finally gotten the "glow" she had read so much about. The skin of her face was flawless, however she noticed a distinct darkening of her nipples and the skin above and below her baby bump. They had been seeing Dr. Maher once a week since the night of the car chase and everything seemed to be going just fine. Harley was off of bed rest but still couldn't do anything too strenuous. Junior was growing, there had been no more bleeding or cramping and they were given the greenlight to be intimate again, which they took advantage of quite often.

The week before the party was a whirlwind of planning and activity. Joker was busy working on the party favors. They were going to be small red boxes tied with black ribbons that would explode with confetti when opened with a tiny baby Joker in a purple swaddling blanket that would pop up on a spring. It was keeping him busy and out of trouble to Harley's great relief. Since Ivy and Selina already knew about the pregnancy Harley had roped them into helping her get ready for the event. They were currently gathered around the kitchen counter writing out the name cards for each table. Selina sneered as she wrote out the name card for Mirror Master.

"Why in the world did J invite this tool? I can barely understand a word that comes out of his mouth. What is he, Irish or something?" Harley looked up from writing out the card for Captain Boomerang.

"No, Scottish and I agree. It sounds like he always has a mouth full of marbles or something. Maybe we should seat all the villains with accents at the same damn table and let them try to figure it out." Ivy chuckled.

"You know Harl, that's not a bad idea. So table five will be Mirror Master, Captain Boomerang, El Diablo, The Mad Hatter, Black Adam and Lady Vic. I think that works, don't you?" Harley looked at the seating chart.

"How about we put all the temperature themed folks together. Table ten, Killer Frost, Mr. Freeze, Captain Cold, Heatwave, and Weather Wizard. Oh, Ivy should we keep El Diablo at the accent table or the temperature table?"

"Put him with the temps, his accent isn't that bad and then we have five people at each table." Harley perused the nearly finished seating chart.

"Wait a minute, we can't put Dr. Psycho at table three. He's got to be at a table with no women. I don't want to have to break up any fights on our big night." Ivy rolled her eyes.

"I despise that little bastard. I don't understand why half of these people got invited." Harley moved on to write out The Mad Hatter's place card.

"I just really hope Jervis doesn't bring a plus one with him. The last time he showed up with one she was twelve, under mind control and it caused a big scene. Even villains have a problem pedophiles." Selina started writing out her next card.

"Cheetah, now she seems interesting. Mind if I seat her at my table Harls?" Harley looked across the table.

"Sure, doesn't bother me. Uh this is so tedious! I'm sooooo boorrreedd! Why J didn't have these printed I just don't know." Ivy shrugged.

"At least we're almost done. What time do you and J go to your obstetrician tonight?" Harley smiled.

"Around eight. I'm at 13 weeks now. You girls know what that means, don't you?" Both Ivy and Selina looked a little perplexed. Ivy responded solicitously.

"Nooo, not really Harl. My transformation took away my ability to procreate and Selina here only breeds kittens, so why don't you fill us in." A huge grin spread across Harley's face.

"It means that there's a pretty good chance we'll find out the sex of the baby." The girl's eyes widened.

"Oh my God, that's great Harley!" Cried Selina.

"Are you excited?" Asked Ivy.

"I'm bursting! I can't wait! You should see Mistah J though. He's been acting like it's Christmas all day long. He's so anxious and keyed up." Selina had a thoughtful expression.

"Do you have a preference?"

"As long as the baby is healthy I don't care, buuuttt I guess I was kinda hoping for a little girl. Mistah J hasn't said it directly but he really has his heart set on a boy. I can tell." Harley finished writing out the last place card. "And before you ask, you'll find out at the party when everyone else does." Ivy and Selina both stuck out their bottom lips in pouts.

"That's not fair Harls! I'm your best friend, I'm supposed to get preferential treatment." Harley stuck out her tongue at Ivy.

"Too bad my little daffodil, you'll just have to wait like everyone else." She laid the very last place card on the pile. "There! Finally, we are officially done! Let's go get some lunch girls, I'm starving!"

J was a nervous wreck as Leo drove him downtown to meet with Louie the Moustache. Louie was one of the best fences in Gotham, but J wasn't looking to get rid of merchandise, he was trying to acquire it and Louie was known to have the best selection in town. He was having an internal struggle as they made their way through the Gotham streets. A big part of him knew this was the right thing to do but the other half was absolutely rebelling against the idea. What would it change, really? Probably nothing, right? So why did it seem like such a big deal? He was at war with himself and losing on both fronts.

They pulled up to the characterless building in the Old Gotham sub-section of the city. Leo let J off at the rear entrance. Joker could feel his palms sweating inside of his leather gloves as he knocked and waited for someone to answer. A moment later the door swung inward revealing Louie the Moustache. He was in his mid-fifties, balding on top yet still had a long ponytail of pure white, he was quite rotund and of course sported his signature bristly moustache which was more of an off white from years of greasy food and smoking.

"J-man, long time no see! Come on in!"

"Hey Louie, you got what I'm looking for?" Louie waved his hand dismissively.

"Of course I do! I got the best around. What do you take me for? It's right this way."

As he followed Louie, Joker realized his collar felt too tight and why was it so damn hot in here? Louie led him through a short hallway and into a room filled to brimming with jewels, precious metals, paintings, statuary, firearms, watches, oriental rugs, furs, rare trading cards and comic books.

"Here you go!" Louie brought him to a long glass case. "What do you think?"

J ran a finger around his collar and a bead of sweat dripped from his hairline down the side of his neck.

"Um, they're nice I guess, but how the hell do I know what to pick?"

Louie chuckled. In all his years fencing for him, he had never seen the Clown Prince of Crime nervous and jerky before.

"Let's start with size J-man. You know what size you need?" He shook his head.

"No but I brought this, can you figure it out from that?" Joker placed something in Louie's hand.

"Absolutely." Louie made a few measurements. "You're looking for a six and a half my friend." Louie bent down and pulled out a black tray to show Joker. "These are all the right size. Does that help narrow it down?"

Joker rubbed a gloved hand along the nape of his sweaty neck as his eyes drifted over the merchandise. He was completely at a loss.

"What do _you_ suggest?"

They spent the next twenty minutes going over the pros and cons of the selections available and after an agonizing final five minutes Joker finally made a decision. Louie gave him a big smile and clapped him on the shoulder.

"I think you made a great choice, my friend! Don't look so glum. It's not a death sentence ya know."

"Then why does it feel that way?" He replied gloomily.

He felt like his face was on fire and his belly was full of ice. He could still back out and no one would be the wiser. Louie laughed at him.

"Take it from me. It's a beginning, not an ending. Good luck J."

"Thanks Louie."

When J got back to the Ha-hacienda Ivy and Selina had left already and he could hear the television on in the living room. He turned to head down the hallway to find a hiding spot for his purchase when he heard Harley call to him.

"Is that you Pud?"

His pocket felt like he was carrying a twenty pound weight in it. He just wanted to put it away somewhere and try to forget about it.

"Yeah Pumpkin, I'll uh, be right there. I have to, um, write something down before I forget it."

He ducked into his office, opened the bottom drawer of his desk and pulled the offending object out of his pocket. He buried it as far into the back of the drawer as he could and covered it up with knives and paperwork. He pulled off his gloves, threw them on the desk and wiped his palms on his trousers. He tried to put on a casual air and went to see what Harley was up to. He found her on the couch with a bag of pretzel rods, a jar of peanut butter and several packages of Pop Rocks as she watched Judge Julie.

"What in the world are you doing Poo?"

She jumped, not having heard him come into the room over the courtroom antics blaring on the TV.

"Just having a little snack and waiting for you to get home."

He watched her as she stuck one of the pretzel rods in the peanut butter coating it halfway up then rolled it into a plate of Pop Rocks she had on the coffee table until it was thoroughly covered with the candy. He wrinkled his nose. She had started eating some really strange combinations lately. It was fascinating and gross all at the same time. She took a big bite of the mixture and he could hear the crackling effervescence as the Pop Rocks mixed with her saliva as she chewed. He couldn't help but smile.

"That looks absolutely repulsive Poohbear." She glanced up at him with a goofy smile on her face.

"It's actually pretty good, Junior thinks so. Wanna taste?" She replied as she held the pretzel rod out towards his face. He stuck out his tongue in disgust.

"Absolutely not. At least it's not as gross as watching you eat French fries topped with chocolate ice cream and hot sauce."

"Hey don't knock it till ya tried it. The salty and sweet pairing is all the rage these days. Watch Food TV one day, you'll see." She noticed his twitchiness and eyeballed him. "What's the matter Pud?" he answered far too quickly.

"Nothing. Nothing at all. Everything's just hunky dory Pumpkin." She didn't believe it for a second.

"What are you up to?" She had noticed he'd been a little restless over the past few days. Her hormones were still out of whack. A major mood swing kicked in and she screamed at him at the top of her lungs. "You had better not be planning something for Batsy because so help me God, if you get thrown back in Arkham I will hunt you down, rip your finger and toenails out and feed you your own tongue. _UNDERSTAND ME!?"_

He was in no mood to be trifled with either and the urge to beat her to within an inch of her life overtook him. His body tensed and he shook with anger. If she had any idea what he had to go through today she wouldn't take that kind of tone with him. He instinctively raised his hand to slap a little sense into her. He saw her flinch and protectively grab her belly which was protruding more noticeably. Rational thought flooded his brain suddenly, something that had only really started occurring since he found out she was pregnant, and instead of hitting her he turned with a feral growl and put his fist through the living room wall. When he withdrew his hand his knuckles were cut and bleeding and Harley was crying. Then the guilt hit. Damn it he missed the days when crap like this didn't bother him. He hated feeling guilty, how did normal people deal with it their entire lives? He took a few deep breaths and attempted to calm down before opening his mouth.

"Look, Harley, I get that you're hormonal and emotional and suspicious, but I promise you I am not planning to go fight Batman, Robin, Nightwing or _any_ of the Guano Gang, and being accused where it's unwarranted is getting on my _last nerve!_ " He shouted. "So do me a favor and reign it in. You wanna know why I'm tense? I've got the event of the year to pull off on Saturday and we have a good chance of finding out the sex of the baby tonight. So _excuse_ me for being a little on edge!"

She balked. Then she noticed his knuckles steadily dripping blood onto the area rug. She wiped her eyes and stood.

"I'm sorry Puddin. I can't _help it_." She whined. "It's my body messing with my head. I didn't mean to accuse you of anything." His breathing slowed as he tried to get control over himself. She reached out and gently took his bleeding hand in hers. "C'mon, let me get this cleaned up for you." He pulled his hand away. He needed a little time to cool off.

"I'll do it myself!" He growled. "Why don't you make yourself useful and get dinner made you nutty broad! We have a doctor's appointment in a couple of hours." He stalked off towards the bathroom as she blinked after him.

Later they sat at the kitchen counter eating dinner and both of them had calmed down after their fight. Joker's knuckled were bandaged and throbbing. Harley looked at him apologetically.

"Thanks for putting up with me Puddin. I know this whole pregnancy has been tough for you." He patted her hand.

"It's ok Poo, we both lost our tempers. It was bound to happen sooner or later, look at our history." She sighed heavily.

"I know, but thanks for not hitting me and Junior." He felt another pang of guilt.

"Sorry I put a hole in the wall. I'll have Jenna come fix it next week."

They finished supper and got ready to see Dr. Maher. By the time they left the apartment they were both feeling much better and the cloud of guilt and suspicion had lifted. Now they were both gripped with anticipation.

"Try not to get your hopes up Pud. We may not find out tonight you know." He put his arm around her shoulders.

"I know, but I can't help but hope."

Dr. Maher greeted the couple and began Harley's exam. Joker sat in suspense. He hated waiting, he hated surprises and really, really wanted to know already. He felt like the exam took forever that night. He sat next to Harley rapidly tapping his foot on the floor as he waited for the Doc to finish up and start the ultrasound. Finally after what felt to J like a decade had passed the doctor squirted the gel onto Harley's belly and applied the transducer. The baby had gotten much bigger. You could already make out facial features and see the tiny fingers and toes developing.

"Well the baby looks very healthy." Harley looked at the tiny figure on the screen with wonder.

"Doc, is the baby sucking its thumb?" Joker probably wouldn't have noticed if she didn't point that out but damned if that's not exactly what it looked like. Dr. Maher smiled.

"Yes, yes it is. Your baby is already practicing the skills it's going to need in order to nurse." He glanced at the anxious couple. "So, do you want to know the sex of your baby?"

"Yes!" They answered simultaneously. They waited with bated breath.

"Well Joker, Harley, you are having a little boy." Joker jumped out of his chair whooping with a gigantic smile on his face.

"I knew it! I just knew we were having a son!" He leaned down and kissed Harley hard on the lips. "Good job kiddo! This is just great news Doc!" He beamed at his little Harley girl. She smiled back lovingly. She was carrying his son and he couldn't be happier.

On the car ride home Harley was a little quieter than he thought she'd be. He took her chin in his hand and turned her face up to his.

"You're not disappointed are you Poo?"

"No not disappointed. I guess I was _kind of_ hoping for a girl but a healthy boy is just as much of a blessing. _I'm_ really happy _you're_ so happy Puddin." He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze.

"Well don't fret cupcake. There's plenty of time for us to try for a girl." She glanced at him skeptically.

"You really want to go through all this a second time?"

"Well, not anytime soon, but _eventually_ ….maybe. For right now I'm just content to have my girl and my unborn son with me right now. I'm one lucky guy." He said as he laid a hand on her baby bump. She leaned in and gently kissed him.

"I love you Puddin."

"Me too Pumpkin. Me too."

 **A/N - Sorry it took me so long to post an update. I took an impromptu trip out of town for the weekend. So, is everyone ready for a party? Oh by the by, there are a bunch of DCU Easter eggs in this chappy. If you pick out at least two and can explain them you get a cookie.**


	15. Chapter 15

Legacy Chapter 15

The day of the big event was a flurry of activity. Harley and J had to go to the Iceberg early. They ran through their checklist to make sure nothing was forgotten or went amiss. Harley consulted with the kitchen staff while J worked with the front of the house on the decorations and lighting. Penguin, who was a night owl by nature was not his usual cordial self, having to be up and working before noon. The DJ's crew arrived to set up their equipment and do sound checks. The cake was being delivered in a few hours. It was a four tiered affair, the layers covered in alternating red, black, green and purple fondant with sugar paste flowers and topped with three sugar playing cards representing Joker, Harley and Junior.

Once they had finished up at the Iceberg they had to go meet with their tailor, Vincenzo Sartini for the final fittings on their party clothes. Vincenzo ran his business out of his home in Coventry and serviced most of the costumed villain community. Harley's gown was made of a flowing black chiffon with red trim and accoutrements. She had it made in a high empire waist style to hide her baby bump. Vincenzo had left a little extra room on the fit since her tummy was growing daily, so he had quite a bit of pinning and last minute sewing to do. Once he finished, Harley tried on the dress one last time for any final adjustments. She looked absolutely stunning. Vincenzo gave her a fatherly smile.

"Bella ragazza si è incandescente. Si guarda semplicemente stupenda!" Vincenzo said as he kissed his fingers.

Harley didn't speak a word of Italian but she imagined he was paying her a compliment. Joker walked out from behind the changing curtain in his new suit and stared at her. Even without any makeup and her hair in pigtails she looked gorgeous.

"Wow Harls, you look amazing in that dress." She blushed and fluttered her eyelashes at him.

"Thanks Pud, you look pretty handsome yourself."

Joker's garb was a pair of slim fit purple pinstriped trousers. The suit jacket was long, ending at about mid-thigh in a slightly darker solid shade of purple. His shirt was black. His tie and pocket square were white with large black polka dots. The finishing touches were a broad brimmed hat in black with a purple hatband, slim silver chains that hung on the left side of the trousers and black boots with Cuban heels. Vincenzo had been making Joker's clothes for so many years there were very few adjustments that needed to be made. Once both of them were fitted and standing next to one another in their new ensembles Vincenzo addressed Joker.

"Che bella coppia. Quando hai intenzione di sposarla già?" Joker loosened his tie a bit and swallowed down the lump in his throat.

"Stasera se lei dice di sì." Vincenzo smiled and clapped Joker on the back.

"`E quasi ora!" Vincenzo walked over to Harley, put his hands on her shoulders and kissed first her left cheek followed by the right. "Vi auguro siala felicità!"

Harley looked at J in confusion. It still amazed her that her Puddin could speak over twenty languages fluently.

"You catch any of that Pud?" He chuckled at her.

"He's just telling you that you look beautiful and he wishes us luck with the baby." He was lying through his teeth.

"Oh." She looked at Vincenzo with a smile. "Thanks Vinny. We really appreciate that."

The couple changed back into their street clothes and had Leo drive them back home to get ready. Harley didn't know it yet but he knew a hairdresser who had been working with the rogues for years. He had hired her to come to the house to help her get ready. Harley noticed the car sitting at the curb and got nervous.

"Pud, there's someone here. You think it might be trouble?" He patted her hand.

"Not at all Poo. Trust me it's nothing to worry about." She glanced at him nervously.

"Okay, if you say so Puddin." As they approached the door Joker waved over the woman behind the wheel.

"Pud what are ya doin?" Harley asked in a whisper. The woman was a little older than Harley with short dark hair and green eyes.

"Hey Joker, good to see you again. Is this the victim?" Harley looked at them wide eyed. She had no idea what was going on.

"Harley, meet Tisha. Tish here is going to do your hair and makeup for the party tonight." Harley's face lit up and a huge smile blossomed.

"Really? Oh Puddin thank you!" She attempted to hug him.

"Harl, why don't we get off the street first? You can show me your appreciation later, okay Pumpkin?"

He left the girls to do whatever it was women did to get ready for these types of affairs and went into his office to pace. His stomach was clenching and his hands were shaky. This was a big day, a _huge_ day and he felt completely neurotic at the moment. His conversation with Vincenzo clinched it. If he backed out now at least one person would know he'd chickened out, and that just wouldn't do. So he guessed he was going through with it after all. He opened the bottom desk drawer, pulled out the object hidden there and stashed it in the pocket of his new suit. He made a few important calls to make sure everything was in place and the whole thing would go off without a hitch.

By the time Tisha finished getting Harley ready, J was in his new duds waiting for Leo to get there with the Rolls. He had spent some time using his yoga techniques to calm himself down and his jitters had mostly subsided. Tisha came out of the bedroom while Harley dressed. Joker paid her and she went on her way. Harley emerged from their bedroom exquisitely coiffed and carefully made up. He was struck by how beautiful she was.

"You look absolutely stunning Harley. I am in awe." She smiled coyly as he held out a crooked arm. "Shall we, my dear? We don't want to be late to our own shindig."

Harley wound her arm in his and he led her down the stairs to the waiting car. He hadn't taken the stretch Rolls Royce out of storage in several years, but if there were ever an occasion to, this was it. They got to the Iceberg Lounge about an hour after the guests had arrived. They were going to make a grand entrance. Joker peeked out the door to see everyone gambling, drinking and enjoying the hors d'oeuvres that were circulating the room on silver trays. Everyone seemed to be having a nice time. The orchestra stopped playing long enough for the guests to start looking around wondering what was going on. The house lights dimmed. J and Harley were waiting behind a set of double doors. Oswald was playing emcee for the night and took up the microphone on the small stage. Harley could feel J's hands shaking. She leaned over and whispered.

"You okay Pud." He shot her a smile.

"Never better Poo, just a little out of practice. I haven't been in front of an audience in over eight months you know." Just then they heard Pengy start their announcement.

"Ladies and gentlemen if I may have your attention please." The crowd quieted down. "I would like to welcome you all to this fabulous evening of fun and frivolity which could not have come to fruition without the time, dedication and _funds_ of two very special friends and associates. Without further ado I would like to introduce your host and hostess, The Joker and Harley Quinn!"

The orchestra began playing a lively tune. The dapper looking clown couple burst through the doors to a raucous round of applause as the spotlights were focused on them. They walked through the room smiling, waving and shaking the occasional hand. They made their way to the stage where Oswald was holding out the microphone for J. Joker took it from him and briefly scanned the crowd. His heart began beating a little more quickly. Harley stood slightly to Joker's side as he began his introduction. The orchestra stopped playing as Joker addressed the crowd.

"Good evening ladies and germs! So good to see so many familiar faces out there in the crowd tonight." He pointed to Lex Luthor. "Lexy old boy, so good of you to come! It's not often I can get an ex-president of the United States to attend my parties! Now Lexy here knows firsthand that crime doesn't pay…..as well as politics! Ha ha!" The crowd laughed. He put on an impersonated Pacino Scarface impersonation. "Ah, everyone say hello to my little friend, Dr. Psycho. Does anyone here know what a psychopath is? It's where crazy people run." The drummer gave him a ba-bum-dum. "And look, everyone's favorite jungle cat Cheetah is with us tonight. Know how you find a cheetah at night? You use a spotlight!" Ba-bum-dum. He got a mild giggle. "And there is our Aussie friend Captain Boomerang. Ya know, I once forgot how to throw a boomerang…..then it came back to me!" Another chuckle emanated from the crowd. He grabbed Harley's hand and pulled her next to him.

"So, I suppose you're all wondering why I gathered all of you here tonight. My lovely partner Harley and I have two big announcements tonight." Harley leaned in and whispered.

"Two Pud?"

"First I'd like to thank you all for being here tonight. We have been friends and associates with most of you for decades and we're both very happy you could join us to share some very joyous news. I won't keep you all in suspense any longer. I know most of you never thought it would ever happen but… Harley has a bun in the oven! We are having a son!"

There was a stunned silence followed by a cacophonous round of applause, whoops, fist pumps and shouts of congratulations. Harley smoothed her dress down so everyone could see her baby bump. Joker waited until the applause died down before continuing.

"My next announcement is sure to shock everyone in this room. I'm a little surprised myself, but well, Harley and I have been together for a pretty long time. We've certainly had our ups and downs over the years, but one thing has always been true. We're two of a kind. Now, she's having my baby and I only think it's right to make it official."

J got down on one knee to everyone's astonishment, especially Harley's. He pulled a small velvet box out of his jacket pocket and opened it revealing a Princess cut platinum engagement ring. Harley's hands shot up to cover her mouth which was hanging open in shock.

"So what do ya say Harl? How about being my personal ball and chain?"

Her eyes flooded with tears, she couldn't believe it. She wasn't sure she could speak. The room had gone completely silent waiting for her answer. Joker started looking a little anxious.

"Come on Harl, congress doesn't take this long to make a decision." Her tears spilled over her lashes.

"Yes, of course I'll marry you!"

J released the breath he was holding and slid the ring onto her finger. The room erupted into pandemonium. They could barely hear themselves think over the din. Joker stood and Harley launched herself into his arms. Their lips met as the crowd went wild. After several moments they broke the kiss and Joker addressed the cheering crowd.

"So how about that folks? We're getting hitched!" The applause continued as Harley alternately stared at him in adoration then glanced back at the four carat rock on her finger. "Now let's eat!"

As the crowd headed upstairs to their respective tables Harley grabbed J's hand and dragged him into the back room where she plunged her fingers into his hair and kissed him as if her life depended on it. When J broke away to take a breath Harley finally spoke.

"I, I just can't believe it! I never thought you'd ever ask."

"Yeah well neither did I but I've been doing some thinking lately and well it just seemed like the next step. I don't want anyone to be able to accuse Junior of being illegitimate and heck, if we've been together this long we're pretty much stuck with one another, right? So why not? Plus you can finally stop nagging me about it now." He said with a crooked smile. She beamed at him.

"When do you want to have the ceremony?"

"In four days." She started.

"What?"

"After the party I have the private jet waiting. We're flying to Cyprus. I have a villa booked when we get there. In order for our marriage to be legal we have to be there for three days, so I figured Wednesday on a beach somewhere. What do you think?" Her heart melted. He thought of everything.

"I think I'm the luckiest woman alive Puddin. I love you so much!"

"I love you too Pumpkin."

The couple entertained themselves while the party guests mingled upstairs and began finding their seats. Selina and Ivy were hugging and crying. They were so happy for Harley. Joker had really surprised them. As Selina sniffled on Ivy's shoulder she spied a familiar face in the crowd. One that had absolutely no business being there.

"Ivy, hang tight I have to go talk to someone. I'll be back."

Selina stormed across the room and grabbed the billionaire playboy by his arm, spinning him around to face her.

"Bruce, what the hell are you doing here? You can't be here!" Bruce Wayne smirked at her.

"It wasn't hard. Money talks Selina." She was suddenly very scared for Harley and the baby. "So I take it you knew about this?" She pulled him away from the crowd and glared daggers at him.

"I knew Harley was pregnant, yes. What are you going to do?" He looked her in the eye.

"Selina, they're both psychopaths. They can't keep the child. In your heart you already know this."

"No Bruce, I don't. Harley is going to be a great mother and Joker is a changed man." Bruce scoffed.

"The Joker will never change, Selina." She put her hands on her hips.

"Oh yeah? When's the last time he committed a crime? When's the last time he challenged you?"

"He's dropped off the map for longer than this before. He _always_ comes back, and when he does it's with a bigger and more gruesome joke than his last! I'm not going to let that happen Selina. And I'm not going to let some innocent child be subjected to the insanity of being raised by the Joker and Harley Quinn, two of Gotham's sickest, most twisted homicidal lunatics! They need to go to Arkham and the baby will go into child protective services after Harley delivers."

"Bruce, I'm begging you. Please don't do this. You know Harley is my friend and she deserves a little bit of happiness. Please, at least wait until after the party. Watch them, see how they are _now_. You'll see that what I'm saying is the truth." He glanced around the room that was filled to brimming with almost every villain in a 500 mile radius.

"They get tonight. Even with every associate I have at my disposal I couldn't safely take every one of these scumbags down without endangering civilians. But after the party Selina, if I catch them I _will_ put them away." They scowled at each other. "You're going to warn her aren't you?"

"You've got that damn right! I'm not going to let you do this you bastard!" She raised her hand and slapped him. He grabbed her wrist with a rock solid grip and held it.

"Stay out of my way Selina, or I'll bring _you_ in too. I mean it." He growled in his deep baritone. She spit in his face.

"Fuck you Bruce!"

"Nice mouth. See what happens when you hang around with the wrong people?" He released her wrist and wiped her spittle from his face. "Don't get involved." He turned, put on his playboy smile and re-joined the party. Selina dashed over to Ivy.

"Ivy we have got a _really_ _big_ problem! Where are J and Harley?" Ivy smirked.

"I think they're downstairs doing a little celebrating on their own, if you get my meaning." Selina rolled her eyes.

"It's not like you're being subtle about it. We need to talk to them and soon."

"What are you talking about? What kind of problem do we have?" Selina gave Ivy a pointed look.

"We have a _bat_ problem!" Ivy was taken aback.

"How do you know that?" She asked suspiciously.

"You know how! He told me! Listen, we're safe until the party ends but we're going to need help if we're going to get Harley and J safely out of here. I have an idea."

Selina shared her plan with Ivy as Joker and Harley, looking slightly flushed, re-joined the party to a flurry of handshakes, shoulder pats and congratulations. As dinner was being served, Selina circulated the room talking to various villains she felt she could either rely on or would be able to help serve as a distraction as Ivy pulled the happy couple aside. They knew they were in deep guano the minute they saw the look on Ivy's face.

"I hate to be the one to rain on your parade but we have a problem." Harley's bottom lip began to waver.

"It's B-man, isn't it?"

"Yeah Harls, I'm sorry but it is." Joker interrupted.

"It's not that I'm not touched that Batsy showed up for our big announcement, but why of all days does he have to ruin this one!" He grumbled.

"Listen we know when he's going to strike and Selina and I are working on a plan. Where were you planning to go after the party?"

"J has the jet on the runway at the Gotham Airport ready to take us to Cyprus so we can get married." Ivy let out a relieved breath.

"Good, that's perfect! Okay here's the plan so far. We're still working out some of the kinks."

The trio discussed at length what needed to happen, who they were able to recruit to help and the weapons they currently had at their disposal. It was going to take some chaos, a little misdirection and a whole lot of luck in order to succeed. They'd make their move shortly after the cake was served, but before the dancing began. They all hoped and prayed they were able to pull this off.

Selina's job from this point on was to monitor Bruce's movements. No one else knew that of course, they just knew she'd been banging the Bat off and on for many years now and was intimate enough with him to know how he thought. Ivy was in the kitchen with Lex Luthor and Jenna Duffy working on the next stage of the plan.

"I really appreciate you both doing this. I know it's risky but it's the best I could come up with on short notice."

"Oh don't worry Ivy, having Joker owe me a favor makes this all worth it." Said Lex with a sly smile.

Someone banged on the kitchen door behind Ivy. She opened it to see Lewis, Harley's friend and henchman standing there with a bag. She took the bag from him and whispered.

"Lewis, you know your part in all of this? You ready to get to work?"

"Yes Miss Ivy. I won't let the boss down again." Ivy closed the door and rummaged in the bag. It was perfect. She smiled at Lex and Jenna.

"Okay it's almost show time, let's hurry up and get you two ready!"

Harley and Joker were out in the main room getting ready for the cake to be served. Joker nodded to Captain Boomerang who he had in place to create a little distraction for the Bat and his brood. He knew Batsy well enough to know he wouldn't try a mission on this scale alone. Everything else was in place. Their next part in this was going to be the most sensitive and they had to work fast or there was no way this was going to work. Penguin was in charge of lighting and music, which was imperative to cover their exit. Harley looked at J nervously.

"Puddin, do you really think this is going to work?" He squeezed her hand.

"It has to Poo. Batsy's not taking Junior away from us even if it means killing him once and for all!" J assessed the room. Ivy walked out of the kitchen doors and gave a slight nod, letting them know her end was in place. It was go time.

The orchestra kicked up with a short and loud tune as the cake was brought out of the kitchen. The spotlight was focused on it as it was pushed to the front of the room where Joker and Harley were standing. Oswald picked up the microphone.

"Ladies and gentlemen, another round of applause for the happy couple please." Everyone clapped as J and Harley prepared to cut the cake. "Cake will be served followed shortly thereafter by the couple's first dance as fiancées."

They cut and served the cake. Once that was finished Oswald took the stage again.

"Now for your listening pleasure the Iceberg Lounge is proud to present DJ Mite!"

The house lights went out completely as the spotlight shone down on the main floor below where the DJ was set up. J and Harley made their move. Bruce wasn't fooled, he knew something was up and decided now was the time to don the costume and get in touch with his operatives that were stationed along each side of the building. Bruce changed in less than a minute and got on the coms.

"Nightwing, what's your sitrep?"

"I'm in the rear, so far there's been nothing happening other than a linen delivery."

"Red Hood?"

"I'm covering the front door. Joker and Harley's limo just pulled up and is idling directly in front of the exit."

"Stay on it. Robin?"

"I'm on the east emergency exit. A yellow cab is approaching at a very slow speed."

"That's the likely route they'll take. The limo is a red herring."

"Red Robin?"

"West emergency exit and we have a white panel van waiting."

The DJ began spinning his introduction, which was so loud it was impossible to make out individual conversations. It was time for Captain Boomerang to make his move. He threw one of his special boomerangs through the darkened room. Batman was about to head to the roof when an explosion blew out one of the bars below. A barmaid was trapped behind the burning structure and began screaming. Batman shot a grapple line into the ceiling and swung down to rescue the girl. At the same time Red Robin chimed in on the coms.

"Batman, I have a visual on the Joker and Harley Quinn. They ran out the west exit and jumped into the panel van. I am in pursuit.

"Wait for me before you engage! This is the Joker we're talking about!"

"Batman, Nightwing here. A load of dirty linens was put into the truck and it is still waiting out back. Driver heading back inside with a clipboard."

"Nightwing, forget the rear, follow Red Robin and find the van!"

Inside the Iceberg Batman was able to get the barmaid out of harm's way and headed to the Batmobile to pursue the Joker. In the rear Nightwing saw the black linen truck driver casually walk out, stash his clipboard, check his phone and then slowly pull out of the alley. He disregarded the feeling he had and followed his orders to meet up with Red Robin.

The Batmobile screamed through the streets in pursuit of the panel van. It was speeding away towards the Dixon Docks. Red Robin and Nightwing were both on motorcycles gaining on the van. The vehicle erratically swerved down an alley and the two junior partners followed as Batman went around the block to intercept them. The Batmobile came to a halt at the mouth if the alley causing the van to screech to a stop. Red Robin and Nightwing got off their bikes and waited with weapons drawn for the inevitable gun fire that was sure to come. Batman punched through the windshield, pulled the driver out of the van and punched him in the face knocking him unconscious.

"Batman, somethings not right here. Nothing has moved. What do you want me to do?" Asked Nightwing.

"Stand down. Red Robin, cover the front, Nightwing you're with me."

Batman made his way to the rear of the van. Nightwing was right, something stunk and it wasn't the garbage in the alley. Batman threw open the rear doors of the van. He reached in and grabbed the collar of the purple suit, yanking the wearer into the light.

" _LUTHOR!_ " Lex was wearing Joker's suit and hat, a green wig and white face paint. Nightwing pulled out the female revealing Jenna Duffy in Harley's dress.

"Hey there Batman. Lovely night for a costume party, no?" Batman slammed Lex into the wall of the alley.

"You're going to jail Luthor!" Lex laughed in Batman's face.

"Oh you poor deluded Dark Knight. I'm an ex-president. What do you think you're going to charge me with that's going to stick? I'll be out in less than thirty minutes and then I'll start a smear campaign against you that will force the Gotham PD to hunt you down. So go ahead. I like the sound of that challenge."

Batman growled and punched the wall next to Lex's head. Nightwing grabbed Batman's shoulder.

"It's the linen truck, that's where Joker and Harley are. We need to go find it!"

By the time Batman and Nightwing found the abandoned linen truck Joker and Harley were safely in the air on their way to Cyprus.

"So what do you think Mistah J? Think Batsy figured it out yet?" Joker put his arm around his fiancée as he sipped a flute of champagne.

"Oh indeed he has and by now he is good and royally pissed off. Ha ha ha! Oh if only I could have seen the look on his face when he pulled Lexy out of the back of that van."

"So do ya think Lewis has earned his job back yet? He did a really good job today, we couldn't have pulled this off without him. He picked a good place to switch cars too, hopefully B-man won't figure out we were headed to the airport." Joker sighed.

"Oh I suppose so, but if he screws up again I'm killing him and you're not gonna stop me."

"Okay Mistah J." She looked down at her ring then up at her fiancée. "I still can't believe I'm gonna be Mrs. Joker."

"Well believe it sweetheart. Soon you'll be my old lady. Are you excited?" Her eyes twinkled as she gazed at him lovingly.

"Almost more excited than seeing Junior for the first time. I'm such a lucky girl." He leaned down and kissed her tenderly then waggled his eyebrows at her.

"Yes you are Pumpkin. By the way, did I happen to mention this jet has a bedroom?" She gave him a sly grin.

"No Puddin, you didn't. Gee it's an awfully long flight to Cyprus. Whatever can we do to occupy ourselves for the next eleven hours?" He unbuckled their seatbelts.

"Oh I'm sure we'll think of something Poohbear."

Luckily for the pilot the cockpit of the plane was soundproofed because the next several hours were filled with the passionate sounds of two crazy clowns in love.

 **A/N - So Joker and Harley are eloping, what do you think of that?**


	16. Chapter 16

Legacy Chapter 16

The newly affianced couple were dozing lightly in each other's arms in the small bedroom at the rear of the jet. They were awakened by the pilot on the intercom.

"Good evening Mr. Joker, Ms. Quinn. We are currently flying at an altitude of 28,000 feet and are beginning our descent. We should arrive at our destination in approximately 65 minutes. The current time in Paphos, Cyprus is 3:42 PM on Sunday June 19th. The weather is clear and sunny, the temperature is 77 degrees Fahrenheit and wind speeds are at 3 miles per hour. I'll have to ask you both to return to your seats and buckle up as we make our descent. If you require anything at all, please don't hesitate to ring for Mindy." Joker stretched and reached down on the floor for his pants.

"You hear that Pumpkin? We're almost there." Harley yawned and threw on her sundress.

"I know. I can't wait to see it. Sounds like the weather is nice." J buttoned his shirt and slipped his shoes on as he replied.

"We're here at the perfect time of year. That's one of the reasons I picked it. I didn't want to bring you somewhere _too_ hot. I hear being pregnant in the summer can be murder." She smiled affectionately at her soon to be husband.

"Awww, Puddin you're so thoughtful. You even had my bag packed for me." He helped Harley off the bed and led her to the main cabin of the plane where they took their seats.

"And don't worry Poo, if I forgot anything, I have plenty of Euro's and there's supposed to be some decent places for you to shop."

"How much is a Euro anyway?" He raised an eyebrow at her.

"About $1.13 American. Why?" She shrugged.

"So I know if someone's trying to rip me off because they think I'm a stupid American tourist." He gave her a serious look.

"Now you do realize I'm going to have to keep a very low profile while we're here. You may be able to get away with blending in, but there's no way I can. One tip-off to the press and Batsy will be here before we know it." Her lips scrunched up into a little moue of disappointment.

"I know Pud. I don't like it, but I understand."

"Don't worry too much Harls. Wait till you see this place I rented out. The place is like a fortress, it's in an out of the way spot, has high walls, a private pool, a private beach and a small but loyal household staff to cook, clean and cater to our needs." She leaned over and kissed him gently on the lips.

"You're such a smarty, Puddin. You always think of everything."

"Yes, I know. Don't forget charming, handsome and spectacular in the sack. How lucky you are to have me." He said with a smirk. She elbowed him lightly in the ribs.

"And modest too."

An hour later they landed and were met on the runway of the Paphos International Airport by a limousine with darkly tinted windows and a driver that had been well paid for his silence. Their bags were loaded into the trunk for them and they were shortly on their way to the villa. They passed a lot of old architecture and ancient ruins on the way so Harley was very surprised when they arrived at their villa. It was huge and very modern, almost boxy looking in its design but obviously well-made and expensive. They drove through the front gates and once safely ensconced within the high solid walls that surrounded the property, Joker and Harley emerged from the vehicle. They were greeted by an olive skinned servant dressed in a white uniform of light fabric. His hair was black and cut short and his eyes were a deep blue. He bowed to the couple and spoke in heavily accented English.

"Welcome to Villa Pnévma tis Afrodítis. I am Evangelos. Anything you wish I will provide. Please follow me and I will show you around. Your bags will be brought to your quarters for you." Harley looked at Joker questioningly.

"Do you speak Greek?" She whispered. He nodded. "What's the name mean?"

"It means "Spirit of Aphrodite" who was the Greek Goddess of love, beauty, pleasure and procreation." He whispered back. She gave him an impish grin.

"Gee Pud, how appropriate." He grinned back at her.

"I thought so."

They followed Evangelos through the entire Villa. It was magnificent, richly decorated and elaborately designed. The rooms were enormous. The master bedroom had a king sized four poster canopy bed that was enveloped in filmy white curtains, a large balcony with trellises full of vines with flowers blooming in a profusion of different colors and a bathroom with an oversized, jetted tub. The best thing of all was the swimming pool. It was an Olympic sized infinity pool in a crescent shape that looked out over the private beach, cliffs, sea caves and the aqua blue Mediterranean Sea below. The area surrounding the pool was a light colored stone with plenty of tables, chairs and loungers for their use. There were covered areas with ceiling fans built in where they could get out of the sun and heat if they needed to. On one end of the pool was a hot tub and to Harley's delight there was even a bed outdoors in the same style as the one in the master bedroom. To add to the overall ambiance there was extensive mood lighting in different colors and an outdoor fireplace. Harley and Joker were both delighted. Evangelos turned to address the couple.

"I will go check on the kitchens. Would you like to be served in the formal dining room or would you prefer to dine al fresco?"

"Al fresco." They replied synchronously. Evalgelos made a short bow.

"Can I have Elias bring you each a drink?" Harley thought for a moment before responding.

"Can he make a virgin Pina Colada?" The servant nodded.

"For you sir?"

"How about some Shiraz?"

"We have a very popular vintage I think you will enjoy. Elias will be along shortly with your refreshments." He turned and left them alone. Harley looked around the patio area in awe.

"Puddin, this is all too beautiful for words." She looked at him dotingly. "Thank you, it's more than I ever could have imagined."

"I thought you might approve. Are we happy Pumpkin?" She wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Deliriously." He kissed her forehead.

"Good. Now I think I'm going to change into a pair of swim trunks. It's a lot warmer than Gotham and that pool is calling my name. Coming Poo?" She looked down at her swelling stomach.

"I don't know. I don't know if I can even get into any of my bikinis right now, not to mention that I'll look like a cow." He rolled his eyes.

"First of all Harls, you will not look like a cow, you're pregnant, you look beautiful." She smiled shyly at the compliment. "Secondly I had Vincenzo make you some new swimsuits for this trip. They're in your suitcase." Her eyes lit up.

"Really Pud? You really did think of everything."

"Why do you think I've been content without trying to defeat Batsy all these months? Between building the nursery, preparing for Junior, planning the party and this trip I've been pretty busy Harls."

"You ain't joking Puddin."

A wardrobe change later they were floating together in the pool. Elias, who was tall, slim and had a long wild mane of blonde hair had delivered their drinks which were now sitting on the ledge behind them. It was shortly after six and the sun was slowly making its way towards the horizon. The staff were preparing a table for their dinner service. As the sun lazily set the lights began to come on giving the area a romantic glow. Candles in hurricane glasses were placed around the patio and on the square table. Evangelos and a small dark girl named Ionna came to the side of the pool holding out a white microfiber robe for each of them as Evangelos announced that dinner was about to be served. Once enrobed the couple sat across from one another, the candlelight flickering between them.

The servants moved quickly and silently. They were served several small courses starting with a variety of cheeses and fresh local fruits followed by a Cypriot traditional soup made with chicken broth, eggs and lemon, a Louvana salad with a sweet vinaigrette, a springtime orzo risotto made with mushrooms, asparagus, peas, fennel, dill and lemon zest, a chicken and taro stew and then finishing with Pishies, a fried pastry dough brushed in cinnamon and sugar and then soaked in syrup. Once the dishes were cleared the servants started a fire in the outdoor fireplace, put out pitchers of wine and ice water with citrus fruit and withdrew leaving the couple alone. The temperature had dropped about ten degrees so they took their glasses and sat next to the fire to keep warm.

"This is amazing Puddin. I feel like royalty." J reached out and took her hand in his and thumbed the ring on her finger.

"Well you will be royalty soon. Gotham royalty, The Clown Princess of Crime. If I'm the Ace of Knaves, I suppose that makes you the Queen of Spades."

"I prefer Queen of Hearts myself, but that's sure to confuse Jervis." He chuckled.

"It's a shame though, I always imagined that if I ever took the plunge, Batsy would be my best man. Even if I had to tie him up to get him there. Oh well, I suppose you can't have it all."

"Yeah well I always imagined my Dad giving me away, but since he's still in jail that ain't happening. I do kind of wish my mom knew you were finally making an honest woman out of me and that she's gonna be a grandma again." She sighed.

"Pumpkin, I don't think anyone can make an _honest_ woman out of you. We're crooks, remember?"

"I'm serious Pud." He stroked the back of her hand with his thumb.

"I know Poo, I was trying to lighten the mood. You can always write her a letter, maybe send her a postcard?"

"Ya know, that's actually not a bad idea. Even if I don't mail it, it'll be therapeutic for me to write it."

"That's my little psychiatrist. See, problem solved." He felt her shivering slightly. "You cold Poo?" She gave him a half shrug.

"A little." He patted his lap.

"Then why don't you come to Daddy and let me warm you up?" She stood and slid herself onto his lap as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "How's little Junior, Pumpkin?"

"Good, I think. Oh my God, I totally forgot! I need to call Dr. Maher." He felt her try to get up but he held her firmly.

"No you don't Harley. I called him already. We're only here for a week, he said it's fine if we see him when we get back." He felt her muscles slacken as her panic left her.

"Ya know, I'm really impressed with you Pud." She ran one of her hands through his hair as she looked into his deep green eyes that were reflecting the firelight. "You've changed over the past few months. For the better. There aren't enough words to express how proud of you I am."

"Well, honestly, I feel different lately. It's not like I haven't re-invented myself plenty of times before, but I guess knowing I'm gonna be a father has made me want to be a better man. But hey let's face it, at this point there was really no place left to go but up." She felt his body shake as he chuckled.

"Oh I don't know, you've always been pretty great to me."

She took his face in her hands, leaned in and pressed her lips to his. Her tongue slipped between his lips as his eyes closed. She could taste the berry-like flavor of the wine on his tongue. He ran his hand up her back until it was resting against the nape of her neck, his fingers lightly tangling in her golden hair while his other hand slid up her thigh and underneath her robe. She took in a sharp breath as his fingers firmly gripped the inside of her thigh just below her already slick cleft. He untied her robe and slowly ran his hand up her belly to her breast, which he gingerly squeezed as his thumb lightly rubbed her nipple which hardened under his touch. Her hands wandered down his neck and under his robe to caress his hard chest and abs. He breathed her in and could not only smell her familiar shampoo but the underlying sweet, mildly salty and slightly loamy scent of her arousal. She could feel him hardening against her hip. J opened his eyes.

"Shall we go inside Poo?"

She met his gaze and breathily replied to him in the affirmative. He gently cradled her in his arms, stood and carried her up the staircase to the large bed where they spent several hours exploring every inch of one another with hands, lips, tongues and teeth. The swelling of Harley's belly required them to get a little more creative with positions which pleased them both immensely. In the warm, languid aftermath of their comingled bliss they held one another as J slowly and lightly rubbed Harley's stomach.

"Is it just me or have your boobs gotten bigger?" She smiled lazily and put her hand over his.

"No, it's not just you. I had to buy new bras last week, and they're not anywhere near done growing yet. It's taken some getting used to, I keep banging them into things." He chuckled softly into her hair.

"Well don't damage the goods kiddo. I have too much fun with them."

"Well once the baby comes, you're gonna have to share." She glanced at the clock. It was after one in the morning but she was wired. "Why am I so wide awake right now? It's late but I feel like I could run a marathon."

"Well Pumpkin it's only six at night in Gotham right now. You'll be thrown off for a couple of days but you'll adjust."

"Well I feel like I need to do something." She looked out onto the veranda and saw a mostly full moon shining down. "Pud? It's after midnight, do you think it's safe for us to go take a walk on the beach?" He shrugged.

"I don't see why not. C'mon Pumpkin, let's get dressed and have a look around."

They walked down a long stone staircase to the beach below. The villa was situated within a small lagoon surrounded on either side by cliffs and large rocks that jutted out of the sea. The sand was fine and a pristine white that reflected the moonlight. Scrub bushes, palm and juniper trees and dune grasses grew in clusters along their path. The couple held hands and casually walked along the water letting the gentle waves lap at their ankles. The water was warm even this late at night. Small crabs scuttled across the sand and the surface of the lagoon occasionally broke with the movement of fish jumping for insects. Harley looked up into the sky and saw tiny bats swooping towards the water also after a meal of insects.

"Look Puddin, bats!" She said as she pointed into the sky. His mind had been drifting and Harley saying 'bats' startled him and he frantically looked around. Harley giggled. "Not _that_ Bats, silly. Real ones, look." He put his hand over his heart.

"Don't do that to me when I'm unarmed Harls! You're gonna make my ticker seize up one of these days."

"Sorry Puddin, I wasn't thinking. Don't worry, I don't think Batsy'll find us halfway across the globe on a private beach in the Mediterranean." He looked skeptical.

"Don't be so sure Cupcake, he's tracked me down in some really obscure places before. I wouldn't put anything past him."

A gentle breeze was blowing and the smell of the sea filled their nostrils. They walked all the way to the end of the lagoon then turned and headed back towards the villa. As they strolled Joker looked down at Harley. Her hair was down and blowing gently in the light wind and her skin was luminous in the soft moonlight. She looked beautiful and he was filled with a feeling he wasn't sure he understood, but it felt good, and it felt right. He stopped and put his hands on her shoulders, turning her towards him. He placed his hands on either side of her face and tipped it up towards him. The pupils of her big baby blue eyes perfectly reflected the large, round radiance of the moon above. He kissed her and she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. A moment or two later he broke the embrace and Harley smiled at him.

"What was that for?"

"It was a promise." Her brows drew together as she looked at him quizzically. "A promise to strive to be a good husband and father."

"Aww Puddin, you will be. I believe in you even when you don't believe in yourself." A brilliant smile spread across her face.

"You ready to go back babydoll?" She nodded. He put his arm around her as they slowly roamed back to the villa where he surprised her with another bout of carnal pleasure, after which they both fell asleep entwined with one another.


	17. Chapter 17

Legacy Chapter 17

The couple spent their second day in Cyprus similarly to their first, swimming, eating, walking the beach at night, cuddling and making love. The novelty hadn't worn off at that point. The following day, however, went a little bit differently.

After a wonderful breakfast on the veranda off the master bedroom the couple changed into swimwear and lounged on the patio. Harley enjoyed soaking up the sun while J sat under a large umbrella with a wide brimmed straw hat on his head and his body slathered in sunscreen. His lack of pigmentation led to severe sunburn if he wasn't careful. He worked on a crossword puzzle while his fiancée sunbathed. His concentration was interrupted by the sound of Harley's high pitched voice.

"Whatcha wanna do today Pud?" He sighed as he looked up from his puzzle.

"You're looking at it kiddo. I already told you I have to keep a low profile." She pursed her lips.

"But Puddin, I'm booorrreeeddd."

He could tell already that she was going to get on his last nerve today but he promised himself he would do his best not to fight with her. They were getting married tomorrow and he didn't want his short temper to screw it up.

"Well, then why don't you go out and do something, Poo? I hear there's a big mall in town, maybe a bit of shopping will break up the monotony?" She tilted her head in thought.

"Well I was really hoping we could do something together, but I need to buy a dress for the ceremony tomorrow anyway. Okay Pud, you talked me into it."

He wandered inside and retrieved the envelope full of Euro's from his suitcase and fished out an allowance for her while she changed into street clothes. Then he found Evangelos and arranged for Harley to have the chauffer drive her around and requested the servant Ionna accompany her. He figured if she had a little company she was less likely to come back to the villa and annoy the shit out of him for the rest of the day.

"Think you can keep it under five grand today Harl?" She bounced over to him and plucked the cash from his hand.

"I'll make it work. Thanks Puddin!"

She stood on her tiptoes and gave him a quick peck on the lips then gleefully skipped to the limo ready to shop till she dropped. He shook his head as he watched her go. She was entirely too full of energy today. Although he appreciated her bubbly demeanor to an extent, when she was like this she was _insufferable_ to be around. She talked too much, whined too much and demanded too much attention. He was glad he was able to get her out of the house for a while. He could enjoy the silence and solitude, finish his crossword in peace and maybe read a book. With any luck she would burn off a good portion of that boundless energy of hers. He did have to admit that a very small part of him was nervous seeing her leave. He felt uncomfortable letting her go off on her own where he couldn't protect her and Junior should something go awry. He shrugged. They were half a world away from Gotham and Batman, what could possibly go wrong.

Harley marveled at the scenery as they drove towards the Kings Avenue Mall. She found it weird to see modern construction so close to archeological ruins. The girl Ionna only spoke very broken English to Harley's disappointment, but she was able to point out landmarks and places of interest which was helpful. It was better than being alone at least. Her first order of business was to find a suitable dress for the ceremony. Since it was going to be a beach wedding and since she was pregnant, she decided against a traditional wedding gown. After hunting through several dress shops she found something perfect. It was made of white chiffon and was Grecian in style. It had a plunging V-neck in both the front and back of the dress and the skirt went down to the ground. It was exquisite in its simplicity. She found a simple yet elegant necklace and earring set to wear with it and she opted for a pair of white sandals to finish off the look. She did stop into a bridal store and purchased a simple medium length wedding veil that would clip into her hair at the crown of her head.

Next they moved on to a gigantic store called Jumbo. It was like an enormous Woolworths, they sold absolutely everything and it was three whole floors. They had a wonderful toy section and she bought a few things for the baby there. After they finished with the mall Ionna and she walked through town together. They found an amazing store that sold local art and crafts and she bought a few things to give to Pam and Selina when they got back to Gotham. As Harley and Ionna made their way through an outdoor bazaar she had the nagging feeling she was being watched. She tried to glance around casually to see if she was being followed, but the market was so full of people she couldn't pinpoint anything in the throng of bodies.

Two stalls behind Harley a thin, young, dark haired man in a baseball cap and sunglasses stopped looking at belts and began moving forward keeping the small blonde woman in his sights. He placed a finger onto a device in his ear and spoke softly.

"Father. I found Quinn. What are your orders?" A gruff voice responded in his ear.

"Follow her Robin, but don't engage. We need her to lead us to Joker. We'll take them both down together."

As they headed back to the car an hour later she still couldn't shake that feeling of being observed. She looked around again but didn't see anything out of the ordinary. She shrugged, she was probably just being paranoid. The piled their bags in the limo and headed back towards the villa. Harley kept glancing behind them as they drove. There was a white box truck behind them that seemed to be going down the exact same route they were. It made her uncomfortable. She picked up the phone that connected her to the driver up front.

"Yes ma'am?"

"Can you pull over for a minute please?"

The driver slowed the vehicle and came to a stop at the curb. The box van slowed and then drove past them. Harley tried to get a look at the driver. Even though she only got a quick glimpse there was something familiar about him. Once she was sure the threat had passed she instructed the chauffer to drive hell for leather away from there.

The driver of the truck radioed in to base. "I think she made me. I'm pretty sure she knows she's being tailed. The limo is stopped on Ektoros. I just drove past her position."

"Damn it. Come back to base Red Robin."

"Nightwing what's your position?"

"I'm on Tombs of the Kings Avenue converging on her last location. Wait, there it is, I have it! Standby."

The black motorcycle and helmeted rider sped up to catch the racing limo. He came alongside the vehicle and threw a batarang at the front tire which blew it out. The limo slowed to a stop and the vigilante jumped off the bike and wrenched open the rear door.

"Dammit! It's empty! Quinn gave us the slip!"

Harley had Ionna grab their packages as she paid the driver and hopped out of the livery cab they had transferred themselves into as their pursuers chased the chauffer in the empty limo. She let Ionna take care of the shopping bags as she bolted through the villa looking for J. Joker was under the covered area of the patio reading a book when he heard Harley screaming his name. She was running and looked panic stricken. He stood and rushed over to her not knowing what the hell was wrong.

"Puddin! It's B-man and the brats. They're here looking for us!" He stared at her wide eyed as she panted and tried to catch her breath.

"What do you mean Harley? How do you know that?"

"I was being followed in the bazaar. They set a tail on me but I made the truck and they were forced to pass by. I sent the chauffer off in another direction and hopped in a cab. I managed to give them the slip, but before long you _know_ they'll find us!" His brow furrowed and he began pacing.

"Jesus Christ on a cracker! Can't he just leave well enough alone? I can't even get married without him sticking his pointy ears into my business!" He growled as he threw his hands in the air.

"How do you think he found us?"

"Knowing him he tracked every flight and ship to leave Gotham after we got away and narrowed it down." Harley nervously looked around as Joker resumed his pacing.

"What are we gonna do Pud?" He stopped to look at her. He knew if they cancelled the ceremony she'd be crushed.

"We shouldn't stay here." He saw her face fall. "But I'm not letting Guano-man ruin our wedding. They obviously don't know where we are or they wouldn't have tailed you." He rubbed his chin in thought. "In order to legally get married we only have to be here for three days. The rules don't specify what time of day." He grabbed her shoulders and squeezed. "How would you feel about a moonlight wedding Poo?" Her face lit up.

"Ya mean it Pud? We're going to get married tonight?"

"Let me make a few calls and see what I can put together. If I can manage to pull this off we're going to have to postpone the honeymoon though. We'll need to get the hell out of dodge right away." She squealed and threw her arms around him.

"Thank you Puddin!"

"Don't thank me yet. Let me try to pull a miracle out of my ass first. If it works out, you can thank me later."

Harley laid out her wedding dress and decided to take a bath while J was locked away in one of the spare rooms making arrangements. She was scared. Scared that Batman would track them down before they had a chance to get married. Scared of being caught and thrown back in Arkham and scared of having her baby taken away from her. Joker entered the bathroom and sat down on the side if the gigantic tub.

"Okay Pumpkin, _now_ you can thank me." She looked at him optimistically.

"So what's the plan Pud?" He stuck his hand in the water to test the temperature. It was still hot. He pulled his tank top over his head as he began to explain the plan to Harley.

"So, I have managed to get a member of the Paphos City council to officiate the wedding. He'll be here around midnight." He pulled off his shorts and got into the tub with Harley. He sat behind her and pulled her back against his chest. "We'll have the ceremony on the beach below us. I have some hired muscle coming over to patrol the area and keep anyone planning any trouble busy while we lam it. I have arranged for a boat to pick us up in the lagoon and bring us to Antalya, Turkey where a jet will be waiting. We'll fly from Turkey to Miami. There will be a car waiting for us. We'll drive from Miami to Atlanta where another plane will take us to Vegas for our honeymoon. It'll be a lot of travel time, but it's the only way to be sure we've ditched Batsy."

Harley spun around flinging her arms tightly around J's neck and kissing him. When she finally let go he could see tears sparkling in the corners of her eyes.

"Thank you Mistah J. You have no idea how much this means to me." He smiled warmly at her.

"Oh I think I do, Poo. Believe it or not it means a lot to me too."

They spent a good hour in the bath before they retreated to separate rooms to get ready for the wedding. Harley spent extra time on her hair and makeup, they may not have a photographer but she still wanted to look perfect for her husband. She slipped on the dress, adorned herself with the jewelry she purchased, affixed the veil in her hair and put on her sandals. While she got ready the staff were packing their bags and bringing them down to the beach. They were using a small skiff to transport the items to the larger boat, which had already arrived and was anchored in the lagoon. Harley peeked out the window and saw a good number of large guys patrolling the grounds. They were heavily armed too, which made her feel just a little bit safer. A little bit before midnight there was a soft knock at the door.

"Harls, the councilman is here, we need to sign the marriage license."

"You can't see me before the wedding. Send him up and I'll sign." A few moments later there was another soft knock at the door.

"Miss Quinzel? May I come in?" She opened the door and let the gentleman in. He was on the short side but still slim for his age with light blue eyes and graying hair. He smiled kindly at her. "You look lovely Miss Quinzel. I brought the Marriage license for you to sign."

"Thank you."

She leaned over, her hands shaking, J had already signed it. One more signature and a couple of I do's and they were going to be husband and wife. She almost couldn't believe it was actually happening. She signed the certificate and handed it back to the councilman.

"Are we ready?" She was afraid to speak so she just nodded. "Your fiancée is waiting on the beach for you. Take all the time you need."

He left to join Joker. Harley took a deep breath and began walking down the stone steps to the beach. There was no music, but there were torches stuck into the sand to light her way. She was still far away but she could make him out. He was wearing his pinstriped tuxedo with an orange shirt and green waistcoat. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She was filled with joy at the thought of their future together. He was smiling as she drew near. She was a vision. The dress was a perfect choice, it accented all of her curves in all the right ways. His palms were sweating. This was it, they were finally getting hitched. He was excited and terrified and nervous all at once. She stopped in front of the councilman, gazing lovingly at her Puddin. He stepped forward and took her hands in his.

"You look absolutely beautiful Harls." She blushed. The councilman cleared his throat and began the ceremony.

"Today is a celebration. A celebration of love, of commitment, of friendship, of family and of two people who are in it forever. You fell in love by chance, but you're here today because you're making a choice. You both are choosing each other. You've chosen to be with someone who enhances you, makes you think, makes you smile and makes each day brighter.

"You're about to make promises to each other that you intend to keep. You're going to vow to take care of each other, to stand up for one another, and find happiness in the other. There's a simple premise to each of these promises: you're vowing to be there. You're teaming up and saying to the other, "Every experience I am going to have, I want you to be a part of."

"Will you, Joker, keep Harley as your favorite person — to laugh with her, go on adventures with her, support her through life's tough moments, be proud of her, grow old with her, and find new reasons to love her every day?" Joker swallowed the rather large lump in his throat and looked deep into Harley's eyes.

"I will."

"And will you, Harley, keep Joker as your favorite person — to laugh with him, go on adventures with him, support him through life's tough moments, be proud of him, grow old with him, and find new reasons to love him every day?" She didn't hesitate in the slightest.

"I will."

Will you, Joker and Harley, be each other's partners from this day forward? Will you bring out the best in one another, share your happiest moments together, and love each other absolutely – for the rest of this lifetime and for whatever may come next?" They continued looking into each other's eyes as the simultaneously answered.

"We will."

"You've both chosen to wear rings as a reminder of these promises. People often say wedding bands are a perfect circle, with no beginning and no end. But these rings did have a beginning. The stones were formed a long time ago deep within the earth. Eventually, a series of lucky events caused them to rise to the surface, where someone dug them up. Metal was then liquefied in a furnace at a thousand degrees – molded, cooled and painstakingly polished. Something beautiful was made from raw elements. Love is like that. It comes from humble beginnings, and through a combination of serendipity and effort, imperfect beings shape it into something extraordinary. It's the process of making something beautiful where there was once nothing at all. As you look at these rings over the years, I hope you'll remember that. You've created something invaluable, and just as I know you'll protect these rings, I'm confident you'll protect the commitments you've made to one another today." The council man handed Joker Harley's wedding band.

"Repeat after me. With this ring, I thee wed." Joker slowly slid the ring on her finger.

"With this ring, I thee wed." His voice cracked slightly as his throat tightened. The councilman handed Harley Joker's ring.

"Repeat after me. With this ring, I thee wed."

"With this ring, I thee wed." She said softly as she slid his ring onto his finger. It caught on his knuckle and she had to really push it to get it on him.

"With the power vested in me I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride!"

He lifted the veil back and was struck again by how beautiful she was. Their lips met and the world stood still in that moment. There was nothing else but the two of them. Their lips gently caressed each other and their tongues lightly touched as they each breathed the other in. They were brought out of the moment by the abrupt sound of gunfire. The councilman nearly jumped out of his skin.

"What on earth was that?" Joker grabbed Harley's hand.

"That was our cue to exit stage left! C'mon Harls we gotta run!" She smiled widely at the councilman.

"Thanks so much for doing this! I'd take cover if I were you!"

They ran towards the skiff and hopped in as Batman burst through a line of bushes followed by three of the hired hands. Joker started the motor and headed to the larger boat. He turned and waved to Batman.

"Bats! Thanks for being here at my wedding buddy! I'm flattered that you came all the way to Cyprus just to see us get hitched!" Batman was tackled by two of the mercenaries as they reached the larger boat. Joker helped Harley up onto the deck and he climbed up behind her. He turned back and yelled to Batsy as the boat engines started up. "Sorry we can't stay, but we have a honeymoon to get to. You understand, right? See ya next time Batusi!"

He cackled as the boat pulled out of the lagoon. Batman was being swarmed by the hired muscle and even though Harley could see the Bat Brats in the distance they had their hands full as well. It looked like they just might manage to get away after all. She let go of the breath she was holding as the boat hit the open sea. She slowly turned and looked at her husband. Her husband. She was married. She was really and truly married now!

He felt her eyes on him and he turned to look at her. Wow, he had a wife now, that was weird. She looked radiant in that dress in the moonlight. He approached her. He wrapped his long arms around her and pulled her close as he leaned in for another kiss. When they broke the embrace he leered at her.

"So my little wifey-poo, we have about eight hours until we're in Turkey. How do you feel about making love with your husband for the first time on a boat?" She gazed at him in adoration.

"On a boat, on a train, in the rain, it wouldn't matter. I just want to make love to my husband."

He led her below deck to the cabin where they spent the next several hours enjoying one another for the first time as a married couple.


	18. Chapter 18

Legacy Chapter 18

The romance on the boat was short lived. The combination of being pregnant and not having Dramamine onboard left Harley in a sad state of seasickness. She took a blanket and pillow into the head and camped out on the floor in front of the ship's commode. Joker checked on her. She had finally fallen asleep. He left a cold bottle of water next to her for when she woke up. He softly chuckled. For being such a strong and efficient fighter she was incredibly delicate in so many other ways. He made a mental note to himself never to take her on a cruise.

He went above deck with his binoculars to have a look around. They were still about three hours from Antalya. They were hugging the coastline and he estimated they were not far from Konakli. It was about five in the morning and although the sun hadn't risen yet the sky was beginning to lighten. As he scanned the horizon he saw a tiny black dot. It was hard to make out, it was misting slightly and there was a light fog rolling in but he was eventually able to focus in. It was not a large boat, but even at this distance he recognized it.

"Shit!"

He went to have a talk with the captain. They were going to have to alter the plan a bit. When he'd finished instructing the captain he went back down to the cabin and started rummaging through their luggage for their stash of fake passports. He found the two he was looking for set them aside, pulled out the makeup kit and got to work. He had a practiced hand with makeup and disguises. He even fooled Batsy and Zatanna for months on end when he impersonated magician Ivar Loxias, way back when. When he finished he gently shook Harley awake. She blinked a few times, turned to look at her Puddin, and screamed at the top of her lungs. He slapped his hand over her mouth as she continued to scream.

"Harley! Harls, relax it's just me! It's Daddy!" She stopped screaming and squinted her eyes at him. He took off the dark glasses and as soon as she saw his eyes she knew it was him.

"What the hell Puddin?" She yelled, "You scared me half to death! What's with the getup?"

He had covered his face and arms in flesh colored latex and had a scruffy black wig on over his verdant locks. He was dressed in baggy jeans, a My Chemical Romance t-shirt covered with a slightly oversized flannel and he had a pair black converse high tops on his feet.

"Change of plans darling. You need to get up and get changed. We'll be hitting land in about ten minutes." She was still half asleep and obviously confused.

"But, why?" He rolled his eyes and huffed out an annoyed breath.

"Why do you think Harls?" She frowned.

"I hate that flying rat! Why can't he just leave us alone?" He helped her to her feet.

"He apparently has a hard-on about us raising a kid. Selina mentioned something of the sort. I don't understand why it offends him so. His child rearing hasn't exactly been stellar, that little bastard Robin is a psycho!" He threw her a short red wig. "Hurry up Poo, we don't have a lot of time here."

She rushed to get dressed. She put on a simple shift dress covered by a thin shawl, tucked her hair into a knee-high and pinned the wig in place over it, threw on some minimal makeup and a pair of thick framed glasses and she was ready to go.

"What are we doing Pud?"

We're making landfall in a town called Payallar. I've called ahead for a cab to drive us out of town. We'll have to rent a car and drive to the Suleyman Demirel Airport. We'll have to leave most of our luggage behind Poo." She pouted at the news.

"But Pud I bought stuff for the baby!" He ran his palm down over his face. He was really losing his patience.

"Look! Would you rather lose the luggage or go back to Gotham with Bats and get thrown in Arkham again?" She crossed her arms over her chest.

"Fine!" She spat. She rummaged through her bags and narrowed it down to the bare necessities. They both felt the boat slow.

"Let's get above deck."

When they emerged from the cabin they realized the weather had turned. There was a thick fog hanging over them and it was lightly raining. Joker was ecstatic.

"Oh serendipity! This couldn't be more perfect! With a little luck we might just shake the bat off of our tail after all."

They docked and the couple hurried off. Joker instructed the captain to continue on to Antalya and if it were at all possible to have their belongings shipped to a warehouse in Jersey City he provided the address for. He paid the captain well. The newlyweds got into the waiting cab and J instructed the driver to take them to the next nearest town with a car rental agency. Harley was sour about the whole situation. Here she was a new bride and her honeymoon was ruined because of the freaking Batman. She should have dropped that chump into that tank of piranhas when she had the chance!

They had to drive about an hour out of town to find a rental. They provided their fake passports. Harley was Mrs. Rose Russo and Joker was Mr. Anthony Russo. Turkish was not one of the languages he was fluent in and this far from the resort towns the locals didn't speak much English, but after some hand gestures and a lot of repeating themselves they were able to get a vehicle rented. They were handed the keys as the manager had the car pulled out front of the rental office. When they walked out Harley burst out laughing and Joker stood staring with his mouth hanging open.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" He grumbled. He pursed his lips as his brows drew together.

The car was a Smart for Two. It was a tiny boxy little electric hybrid, much smaller than a Mini Cooper with just enough trunk space for their two small suitcases. Joker at 6'5" had to hunch down to fit in it and his legs were at an odd angle. Luckily it was a convertible so when the rain stopped he'd finally be able to sit up straight. He pulled out of the rental office and merged onto the highway.

"Ya know Puddin, this kinda reminds me of a joke about a clown car." She said glibly. He glared at her harshly.

"Are you purposely trying to antagonize me?" He growled at her. She covered her grin with her hand.

"Maybe a little. You gotta admit, it is kinda funny Pud." His nostrils were flaring.

"Don't try to tell _me_ what's funny. I'm the Joker, I know funny. _This_? This is _NOT_ funny." He replied snappishly. She giggled.

"Okay Pud, if you say so. I still think it's funny." He gave her a black look.

"Harley, if you don't shut your pie hole right now it's 'Pow, straight to the moon!' Got it?"

"Okay Mistah J." She singsonged.

He knew this was likely going to be the longest eight hours of his entire life. Reaching the clutch with his long legs considering the low steering wheel was completely in the way proved to be a problem and he ground the gears more than a few times. Harley's bladder slowed them down significantly. Being pregnant apparently made her have to pee every five minutes. Okay he was exaggerating a little, but not by much. How did he not notice this at home? Probably because he usually did his best to ignore her at home. Every time he saw her take a sip of something he wanted to rip it out of her hands and throw it out the window because he knew it meant yet another bathroom stop.

After a few hours the rain finally cleared out and he opened the convertible top. It felt glorious to be able to sit up straight and stretch. His neck was cramped from three hours of holding it at an angle. They had never taken a road trip before and after this, they probably never would again. Harley was bored and took to pointing out every cow, goat, and horse they passed with her high pitched, squeaky voice. She sang along with the radio, poorly. She tried to play I Spy with him. She was backseat driving. She fiddled with the temperature controls constantly. She continuously asked "Oh my God, did you see that?" and "Are we there yet?" She played Candy Crush at full volume on her phone and she read all the signs out loud. _ALL OF THEM._ Which was made worse because the bulk of them were in Turkish so she was slowly sounding them out and butchering the language as she did so. It was a good thing he had his hands on the steering wheel otherwise they would have been around her throat slowly squeezing the life out of her. He fantasized about gagging her and tying her to the roof. He'd have to put the convertible back up, but he thought it might almost be worth it.

After an agonizing nine hours they finally reached the airport. They were going to have to fly commercially, the private jets were too easy to trace. They obviously had to book at the last minute and they were stuck in coach until they reached Charles De Gaulle airport in Paris, where they'd transfer to a direct flight to JFK in New York. They were both cramped and uncomfortable and were subsequently taking it out on one another.

"I can't believe we're flying coach Pud. This is the pits!" She whined. In response he glowered at her.

"Do you really think I'm any happier about this?" He lowered his voice to a whisper. "I dying to slit the throats of every single person on this plane! Including you at this point!" He spat. She crossed her arms and pouted.

"I'm tired, I'm hungry and you gotta get up because I have to pee again." His hands clenched the armrests.

"Again? You just went ten minutes ago!"

"Well when _you_ have a baby resting on top of your bladder you can tell me how easy it is to hold it!" She snapped.

He unbuckled his seatbelt, stood and let her out of their row. He flopped back down and glared at the head of the person in front of him. In the window seat was a little old lady who leaned over and addressed Joker.

"Newlyweds?" He was taken aback as he stared at her in confusion.

"Um, yeah. How could you tell?" She smiled kindly and chuckled.

"Oh it was the same with me and my Henry when we first got married. Thought a honeymoon in Europe would be all the rage but we ended up fighting like cats and dogs." She stared off wistfully.

"So how long did it last? Your marriage I mean, not your honeymoon."

"Fifty six glorious years. I miss him so, God rest his soul." He raised an eyebrow.

"So you fought like cats and dogs but managed to stay together for fifty six years?" She patted his hand.

"Well dear, the fighting is normal. All couples fight. It's the making up that makes the arguments all worth it." Joker shuddered internally. Not a good visual for his over active imagination. "And the children. The children really make it all worthwhile. When is the baby due, dearie?"

"A few days before Christmas." She clapped her hands together.

"Oh what a wonderful gift for you both!" At that moment Harley returned and Joker had to get up from his seat again to let her in. The old woman turned to Harley.

"Your young man just told me you're having a Christmas baby. Congratulations, dear."

To J's relief Harley and the old woman talked for the rest of the flight which allowed him to take a little catnap. He awoke to Harley lightly shaking his shoulder.

"Pud, wake up we're landing soon and I gotta pee before they switch on the seatbelt light."

He let her out realizing he had managed to sleep for four whole hours. It was the first time in his life he found himself thinking 'Thank God for little old ladies'. Harley returned and they prepared for landing. They had a three hour layover before they could board their Air France flight to New York so they sat in one of the restaurants and had dinner. J decided several whiskeys were called for after the past seventeen horrifying hours of travel.

"Puddin?"

"Yeah Harls." He was on his fourth drink, he hadn't eaten very much and he was slurring just a tiny bit. She stared at the tabletop.

"I know this is supposed to be our honeymoon and all, but when we get to New York can we _please_ just drive home? I've had about enough of lamming it through Europe. Or of lamming it period. I'd just like to sleep in my own bed." He smiled and chucked her on the chin.

"That sounds like the best idea you've had in years Harl. Sorry Batsy ruined our honeymoon baby. I promise I'll make it up to you. Maybe when this all blows over we can go to Hawaii or something."

He grasped her hands in his and squeezed them gently as he gazed, heavy lidded, into her baby blues. The liquor was really lubing him up. He was relaxed and happy for the first time since the wedding ceremony. It made him more affectionate and indulgent than he would normally be in public. The disguise was probably helping too.

"I know you will Pud, but at this point it doesn't really matter. I'm happy you managed to pull off the ceremony." She gazed at her rings. "That's what's really important, not some silly vacation."

"I know Pumpkin; I still feel bad though. I know how much you were looking forward to it." She shrugged.

"Well I got to spend three days in Cyprus, I went on a ship for the first time, even if it wasn't all it was cracked up to be and we went on our first road trip together. And now I'm finally Mrs. J, so it wasn't all bad."

"Well I think when we get home we should make the Chuckle Patch deliver all our meals and lock ourselves in, relax and enjoy our first week as a married couple in the comfort of our own home."

"Mmmmm, I like the sound of that." He leaned over the small table and kissed her.

"We can try to put all this Batman nonsense behind us and get on with the rest of our lives together." He looked at his watch. "Time to get moving Harls, we should be boarding soon." They arrived at their gate just before they started the boarding call.

"Are we stuck in coach again Puddin?" He flashed her a wide, toothy grin.

"Not at all Poo, this is a Boeing 777 and I just happened to pull a few strings. Wait till you see."

The airline began the boarding call and they were among the first to board. The jet was huge and had two levels. They were on the upper level in what was called La Premiere Cabin. They were across the aisle from one another. The cabins each boasted a wide, roomy, fully reclining seat, four windows, a wide ledge for your laptop or whatnot, a reading lamp, a warm woolen blanket, a privacy curtain and a 24-inch television.

"Oh my God, Puddin, this is amazing!" She threw her arms around him. "You're the best husband a girl could ever have."

"I know Pumpkin." He said cheekily. "They weren't cheap, but you're worth it. They have movies on demand too, and just wait until you see the menu."

He stashed their luggage in the overhead compartment and they took their seats. After coach it felt like sitting on a throne.

It was a pleasant eight-and-a-half-hour flight. They were served champagne, which Harley unfortunately had to decline. The meal service was exquisite and the movie list was fantastic. Harley rented the newest romantic comedy while Joker watched a new movie about the ongoing war in Syria. Before they knew it they were landing in New York.

Lewis was meeting them with the car. Once they cleared customs, without problems thank goodness, Lewis pulled up driving a limo. He hopped out. Harley giggled when she realized he was in an actual chauffer's uniform. He loaded their bags into the trunk and opened the door for them.

"Welcome home Mr. and Mrs. J." Harley beamed at him.

"Thanks Lewis. Boy are you a sight for sore eyes."

"Glad to be back Harley?"

"Lewis you have no idea."

They drove the four hours back to Gotham. Both Harley and Joker had never been so happy to see the alleyway that led to the door of their Ha-hacienda. Lewis brought their bags up for them and asked if there was anything they needed before slipping out. They requested some Chinese takeout be brought in.

"Puddin, Cyprus was nice and all, but there really is no place like home." He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead.

"I know Poo, you're absolutely right."

They didn't even stay awake to eat their food. The past few days had wiped them both out and they fell asleep on the couch cuddled together watching Jeopardy within an hour of being safely back in their own home.

 **A/N-Belated: So I have always tried to imagine a HQ/J road trip and I wanted to fit one into this story. That's why I threw another monkey wrench into their honeymoon.**


	19. Chapter 19

Legacy Chapter 19

Several weeks had passed since they returned from Europe and although things between J and Harley hadn't changed much, their situation had. It was creating tension and anxiety for both of them. Someone had leaked the story about Harley's pregnancy to the GCPD and the press while they were away. There was a pretty sizable reward being offered for any information leading the authorities to their whereabouts. To add to the situation, Batman was on a rampage and was tearing the city apart trying to find them. J was currently down at the paper mill working with his data handlers trying to track Batman & Robin's patrols to best determine how to keep Harley and the baby hidden. She wasn't going to be happy about it, but they were going to have to re-locate and probably more than once. Over the past few weeks Bats and his brat had been spotted in Amusement Mile, Otisburg and Newtown, so it seemed they were slowly making their way from the north end of the city to the south. The good thing was Nightwing seemed to be back in Bludhaven, Red Robin had returned to Titans Tower and Red Hood had seemingly fallen off the face of the planet again, which left only Batman and Robin to worry about. If their current pattern continued they might be alright, but Batsy was a tricky bastard and could change things up at any given time.

J had hideouts all over Gotham, that wasn't the problem. The problem was that in about four months the baby was due and they needed a safe and sanitary location to for her to give birth and raise an infant. That was going to be a little trickier. Most of the properties he owned were dilapidated, run-down, rat traps with crumbling floorboards, peeling lead paint and sagging ceilings likely contaminated with asbestos, mold, insects and rodent droppings. They were certainly no place for a pregnant woman or a baby. He was considering running, lamming it in some quaint town far away from Gotham, but again, it's not like he could take her to a normal hospital to give birth so unless he could hire a doctor to go with them that option was out as well. He was wracking his brain trying to find a solution.

In the meantime Harley had been meeting with the midwife Dr. Kincade had suggested, Claire Porzio. She was older, probably in her late fifties to early sixties and slim with frizzy grey shoulder length hair and striking gray eyes that reminded Harley of the sky during a storm. She was friendly, intelligent and supportive and they had hit it off almost instantly. They had decided on a water birth and Claire was coaching Harley on what to expect, as well as providing gynecological care, education and emotional support. Today Claire brought Harley a basket of items because she had expressed a fear of getting stretchmarks. It contained coconut oil, cocoa butter, vitamin E oil, gelatin snack cups and a variety of vitamin C rich fruits and juices.

"Claire, this is great! Thanks so much!"

Claire had a motherly expression on her face. She had discovered from her discussions with Harley that she couldn't reach out to her own mother for fear of rejection or discovery by the authorities and that it bothered her a lot. Claire had done her best to serve as a surrogate. Emotional health was as important to a healthy pregnancy as physical health. It pleased her to do so and Harley was more than grateful.

"Use the coconut oil in the mornings, the cocoa butter in the afternoons and the vitamin E oil at night before bedtime. Stay hydrated, I suggest no less than eight, 8 oz. glasses of water per day. Eating gelatin will help your skins elasticity and make sure you load up on vitamin C rich foods. Do you have any other questions or concerns before I go?"

"No not today, but if I think of something can I call you?" She smiled genially.

"Of course Harley. I'll always be there if you need me."

With that she left and Harley was alone again. She knew Mistah J was working on their Bat problem, but he'd been spending more and more time away from the apartment and she was lonely and a little bored since she couldn't take the chance of going out in public anymore. She was in the nursery, sitting in the recliner and reading Goodnight Moon to Junior. She wished J would agree on a name already. She'd made several suggestions but he had turned his nose up at them all so far. If he didn't like her choices she had hoped he'd make a few of his own but she guessed he was too wrapped up in Batsy at the moment. She heard the front door open.

"Harls? Where are you, Poo?" She smiled, glad that he was home.

"In the nursery Pud." She hollered back. He entered the nursey and she could immediately smell the gunpowder, chemicals and gun oil on his skin.

"What are you doing, Pumpkin?" She set the book aside.

"Reading to Junior. What have _you_ been up to? You're stinky." She said as she wrinkled her nose.

"Sorry Harls. I'm working on beefing up our security until I can find some new places for us to hide out. That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Okay." She stood and placed her hands on her lower back as she did so. The extra weight of the baby was making her achy. "You wanna go in the other room so we can both sit or what?" He nodded.

Once they were comfortably seated in the living room he mentally prepared for what he knew was going to be an uncomfortable conversation. She noticed he was a little tense and hesitant to begin which meant this was likely going to escalate into a fight of some kind. She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow as she waited for him speak.

"So Harls, here's the thing. I've been trying to figure out the best way to keep you and the baby away from Batsy. No matter where we go in the city we run the chance of getting caught. We're both just too high profile." She narrowed her eyes skeptically.

"Yeah, well I already know _that_." He cleared his throat and looked down at the floor.

"So I was thinking. 'Where can I put Harley that the Bat won't think to look for her but will also offer her sanctuary and be a safe place to have a baby?' and an idea hit me." She pursed her lips. She already didn't like where this was going. He paused and looked up at her uncomfortably.

"Just spit it out already Mistah J."

"Okay, okay. I came up with two different options and I wanted to run it by you. There's this convent in Pennsylvania, The Sisters of the Precious Blood where they'll take in a pregnant criminal like you and protect you from the authorities for a 'moderate' donation. The Sisters will assist in the delivery and tend to your needs and when the heat dies down I can come and get you."

"Are you out of your fucking mind J?" She screamed. Oh boy, she dropped an f-bomb, he knew he was in for it. "If your next idea is as stupid as that one you better just zip it before you dig a deeper hole for yourself! Does your next brilliant plan involve sending me away for the next four months?" He skewed his mouth as he rubbed the nape if his neck. "It does doesn't it?" She held up her hand before he could reply. "If you think for one second that I'm going to be shipped off to God knows where, to go through the rest of this pregnancy and the birth of our child alone you've got another think coming clown! We just got married! That means we stick together no matter what!" She yelled angrily.

"Harley, look, I get that you don't like this idea but I'm running out of options here! I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to protect you and the baby with Batman acting this crazed and determined. I haven't seen him like this since I blew that blimp up over the city that dropped poisoned glass everywhere killing thousands! What do you want me to do Harley?" She pointed her finger at him.

"I want you to be by my side and I want you to be there when the baby is born is what I want!" He stood and flung his arms in the air in frustration.

"Fine!"

"Why can't we just stay here? We've been safe here so far."

"Because we need more space so we can have more guards and security measures put in place and eventually he's going to uncover us if we stay in one spot. All we need is _one_ nosy neighbor to spot something suspicious and we're screwed! Forget it, I'll figure something out!"

He stormed from the room and slammed the front door on his way out. Lewis was waiting with the car just outside of the door. J got in, dug his phone out of his pocket and dialed the Broker. He picked up on the very first ring.

"Joker, good to hear from you. I have an abandoned Amusement Park you may be interested in."

"No I need something different this time. I need a freaking fortress."

"I may have just the thing. Meet me at 302 Stockton Street in Robbinsville in an hour."

J hung up the phone and instructed Lewis where to go. An hour later they pulled up in front of the Sionis Steel Mill. Right on time the Broker pulled up in a sleek black Mercedes-Benz. He stepped out of the car wearing a black Brooks Brother's suit and tie, a white dress shirt and dark sunglasses. He was tall and slim with slicked back brown hair. The Broker was _the_ man in Gotham who found specialized hideouts and secret lairs for the criminal element and he was very good at his job.

"Joker! It's been a while. I understand you're in a bit of a pickle at the moment so why don't we get inside." He said as he unlocked the front gates of the mill.

"Thanks Broker, I appreciate that." They quickly walked inside the double steel doors into the mill proper. The place was enormous with high vaulted ceilings. There were tracks running through the place for the mine cars that carried the raw materials to the smelting area. J looked around. "This has potential."

They toured the facility, it was massive. There were plenty of places for deathtraps, booby traps, weaponry and defenses. They walked up a metal staircase to an office-like area that was quite spacious. It had solid floors, several bathrooms and multiple offices that could be converted. It needed work, no doubt about it, but with a little help from Jenna he could turn this into a living space for himself and Harley. The smelting room still had working furnaces that could be helpful in keeping flying rodents out of the building as well.

"So Joker, what do you think?" He held his chin in one hand as he considered the pros and cons.

"I think I'll take it. What's the damage?" The broker wrote a figure down on a piece of paper and handed it to J. "Wow, that's a lot of zero's. Fine. I'll wire it to your account."

A few phone calls and a large transfer of funds later and Joker and the Broker were shaking hands to seal the deal.

"A pleasure doing business with you Joker. Call me if you're looking for something homier after the baby is born."

"Thanks Broker. I'll keep it in mind." The Broker handed J the keys and took his leave. J immediately got on the phone with Jenna.

"Hey J! What's up?"

"I have a huge job for you. Think you can assemble a crew?"

"I think I can throw something together. What's the location?" He gave her the address and an hour later he was walking her through the mill describing his requirements. "Wow, you weren't kidding when you said it was a big job."

"Do you think you can get it done in the time parameter I need?" She raised her brows and quirked her mouth as she did some quick calculations in her head.

"Yeah I think I can pull it off, but I'm going to need you to front the money for the materials and payroll for my crew." J held out his hand.

"Done." They shook hands and he transferred her the money she needed to start buying materials and hiring a crew.

"I'll get started right away." J walked back outside and quickly got back in the car.

"Lewis." Lewis met Joker's eyes in the rearview.

"Yeah boss?"

"I need you to send a few of the boys down to the Stacked Deck tonight. We're expanding our operation and I need new recruits."

"How many we looking for boss?" J considered it for a bit.

"No less than fifty but if you can find more I'll take them. And call in all our reserves. I need all hands on deck." Lewis nodded.

"You got it Boss. Where we headed now?"

"The warehouse in Tricorner Yards. We're taking inventory Lewis."

They drove to the southern tip of the city to the warehouse. They walked inside the large building and J flipped on the lights. The place was filled from wall to wall with crates of firearms, assault weapons, ammunition, grenades, missiles, howitzers, mortars, mines, flame throwers, rocket launchers, body armor, flak jackets, even a couple of tanks. They spent the better part of the afternoon taking stock. Lewis was finishing up the master inventory list.

"Lewis, I need the boys to come with the tractor trailer tonight and bring everything but the tanks over to the steel mill. Don't let them get in Jenna's way and make sure they bring the forklift."

"You got it boss." J motioned towards the door.

"Let's get back to the paper mill, I have a lot of work to do."

J spent the rest of the afternoon into the evening making bombs, detonators and stockpiling canisters of Smilex. He still had some booby trap blueprints to finish for Jenna but he supposed he could work on that in his office at home. His back ached from leaning over his work table for the past several hours, he was famished and he wanted a shower. He wandered out of his lab to find Lewis. With the reward being offered he couldn't take the chance of even walking the three blocks to the house. Lewis dropped J at the apartment and when he opened the door he cringed when he saw Harley sitting at the kitchen counter eating pickles dipped in vanilla frosting. She turned mid-bite to look at him.

"Where have you been all day?" She asked in a snappish tone.

She was still hurt he would even consider sending her away, even if it was for her own safety. J was having none of it. He was hungry, tired and cranky and he still had a ton of work to get finished before he could call it a night. He held his hands up in front of him to stop her before she opened her mouth again.

"Harley, do me a favor and keep your trap shut!" He replied angrily. "You rejected my last idea, so I'm working on plan B! Not only has it cost me a fucking _fortune_ , but it's going to eat up a lot of my time! So can the attitude kid, because I'm not in the mood." She blinked her round eyes at him several times but didn't say anything. "Good girl. Now, Daddy is going to take a shower. When I get out I expect there to be something to eat ready for me because I still have a lot of work to do tonight."

He spun on his heel and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. She hopped off the stool and started preparing his dinner. She wasn't sure what he was up to, but he was obviously exhausted and she didn't want to antagonize him any further. As she was finishing up his dinner she heard the bathroom door open. A few minutes later he came into the kitchen wearing a pair of loose cotton pajama bottoms and nothing else. His damp hair was curling on his forehead. He opened the fridge and pulled out a can of Zesti, popped the top and sat down at the counter while she finished making his chicken parmesan. She brought his plate over and set it down in front of him. He had dark circles under his eyes and dirt caked under his nails and around his cuticles. She quietly slid onto the stool next to him as he ate.

"I'm sorry I was snippy with you Puddin." He grunted in response. "So do you mind if I ask what you're working on?" She said softly. He set down his fork and took a sip of his cola.

"A new place for us. A _secure_ place for us." He took another bite.

"So we're moving? Where to?"

She really didn't want to leave, she liked it here. It was a nice neighborhood with lots of conveniences and J had gone through so much trouble to build the nursery. He finished his mouthful before responding.

"Robbinsville."

"Isn't that almost all industrial buildings over there?" He sighed, he just wanted to eat in peace.

"Yes Pumpkin, it is. We're moving into the old Sionis steel mill." She opened her mouth and he held up a hand to halt her. "I'm having it remodeled, it will be clean and suitable for you and the baby but it's also large enough to house the new staff, the armory and all of the various defenses I'm having Jenna install. It's the only way to keep you and the baby safe from Bats." She looked at him curiously.

"What new staff?"

"I don't know yet. I'm in the middle of recruiting, Harls. We need as many henchmen as we can get our hands on." He finished his meal then looked at the jar of pickles and the tub of frosting in front of Harley and pointed at it. "That has got to be the oddest, foulest thing I have seen you eat throughout this entire pregnancy so far." She gave him a goofy smile.

"It's really not that bad. Sweet and salty, remember? Try some." She dipped a pickle in the frosting and held it out in front of his nose. He smacked it out of her hand.

"Not even if you paid me. Speaking of which Harls. We need to talk about something you're not gonna like very much." Her shoulders slouched slightly as she prepared herself for whatever was coming next. "Once we get settled I need to plan a big bank job. This relocation has significantly dipped into our reserves." Anger flashed in her eyes.

"But Pud, what if you get caught?"

"Look Harls, it's not like I have another nuke stashed away somewhere to sell to the Iranians. We don't have a choice. I have a good plan put together. Don't worry it's a day job, it'll be over before Batsy gets up for breakfast. " She pouted.

"I don't like it." He stood and stretched causing a series of loud pops as his vertebrae cracked then rubbed his aching shoulders.

"I already told you that you wouldn't like it, but it is what it is. We need cash to raise a kid. Don't worry, there won't be any of my typical grandstanding, I'm not wearing the purple suit and I'm even gonna wear a mask this time. This is out of necessity, it's not for fun." 

She was speechless. In all the years they'd known one another one thing was universally true. He always made sure the police and Batman knew it was him who pulled off a heist or a gag.

"Holy crap Pud! How much exactly did this all cost?" He leaned over and gave her a quick peck on the lips.

"Believe me when I tell you, you don't wanna know. Now I have work to do. Can I get you to start packing this week? I want to get into the new place as soon as Jenna's finished with the living areas."

"Sure Puddin. Can you have the boys get me some boxes?" He glanced back over his shoulder as he walked towards his office.

"Sure Poo, consider it done."

It was after midnight and J still hadn't emerged from his office. Harley shut off the TV and went to see if he was going to come to bed with her. He was hunched over the desk working on a blueprint. As she stood in the open doorway he intermittently rubbed his shoulders. She came up behind him, placed her hands on either side of his neck and started to knead. He sighed contentedly.

"You have no idea how good that feels right now Pumpkin."

"You're working too hard Mistah J, why don't you come to bed and I'll give you a massage."

"That's tempting but I have to get this finished."

"You can always finish it in the morning. You're tired and sore, c'mon Pud call it a night and I'll fix you right up." He sighed.

"I suppose you're right. Okay you talked me into it." He stood and put his arm around her shoulders and gave her a lecherous smile. "So, this massage, does it come with a happy ending?" She smiled coquettishly.

"Of course it does Pud, that's the only kind of massage I give."

"That's my girl!"

 **A/N - So this is my little nod to Arkham City. It seemed like a pretty cool hideout to me and I think it's really appropriate for their needs. Whether or not it will keep Batsy out yet remains to be seen.**


	20. Chapter 20

Legacy Chapter 20

Harley had spent the entire week packing up the apartment. The henchmen were moving the boxes and furniture to the new lair one van load at a time and the apartment was fairly empty. J had spent almost every day down at the steel mill working on the security measures and surveillance equipment with Jenna and her crew. It was coming along nicely, but this project was getting more expensive every day. He was concerned that he may have to move his timeline on the bank job up a week or so, which would really be inconvenient.

The living areas of the mill were nearly complete and included a master bedroom and bath, a nursery, although nowhere near as extravagant as the one in the apartment in Coventry, an office and a large open room that was a kitchen/dining room/living room combination. The lab and the armory were both on the lower level. The end of the hall had two separate rooms, one was a surveillance room that had thirty television screens showing all angles of the entire mill, multiple computers, an intercom system and a master panel that controlled all the booby traps, bombs and defenses. The final room was set up as an at home medical suite. They couldn't keep taking a chance on leaving the house to see Dr. Maher so he set it up so the doctor could see Harley here. It had everything he might need in order to treat her and monitor Junior.

He was planning on bringing Harley tonight so they could start getting settled. He had the henchmen setting up furniture and unpacking boxes. He didn't want Harley doing any lifting. The placental abruption may be minor but he wasn't taking any chances. He ran a few tests of the defense systems and everything seemed to be working just as he planned and the security cameras were live and working properly. They had managed to hire seventy-two new henchmen and the ones who weren't working upstairs were busy setting up a barracks for themselves on the lower level.

While J was busy at the steel mill Harley was at the apartment with Pamela finishing up the last of their packing. They were in the bedroom folding clothes and putting them into boxes. Harley was sad to be leaving, they had been in this apartment for five years now and she considered it home. She had thought they'd be raising the baby here, in a normal apartment and not some big gloomy steel mill. Pamela noticed Harley's dour mood right away.

"Why so blue, buttercup?" Harley looked up from carefully folding one of J's silk dress shirts.

"Because I think this is a bad idea. I know Mistah J thinks the steel mill is a good idea because he feels more secure having the henchmen and all the added defenses and whatnot, but I think it's eventually going to draw attention to us."

"How do you mean Harl?" Pam asked as she folded one of Harley's t-shirts.

"Well, think about it. A huge abandoned steel mill suddenly gets privately bought and all of a sudden there's razor wire fences and massive security, but the mill never reopens. Don't you think that's a little suspicious?" Pam raised her brow in thought.

"I suppose when you put it that way, yeah, it does." Harley started pairing J's clean socks before she continued.

"This is Gotham, and in Gotham just who do you think buys abandoned old steel mills, adds a ton of armed guards and then never reopens the facility?" She ticked off her fingers one at a time. "Mob bosses, drug cartels, weapons dealers and _super-villains_. J may as well stick a Batsignal on the freaking roof!" Pam patted Harley's shoulder.

"I'm sorry Harl, have you talked to J about this?" Harley sighed heavily.

"Yeah I have, well I've tried, but he's obsessed. He just won't see reason. Thinks I'm just being too stubborn to see the "true genius" of this wacky plan of his. You know how he gets. And to top it all off he's pulling a bank job soon!" Pam rolled her eyes.

"Well that's awfully stupid." Harley closed up the lid of the box and taped it shut.

" _I_ know that and _you_ know that, but this project of his has cost us so much money we're literally almost completely broke and to him that is unacceptable." Pam looked confused.

"Wait a minute, doesn't he own a bunch of semi-legitimate businesses to provide you with a steady stream of income?"

"Yeah he does. Here in Gotham there's a few dry cleaners, a restaurant or two, a couple of bars and a handful of pawn shops. He also owns the amusement park up in Seaside Heights and most of the arcades there too." She scoffed, "He doesn't even know that I know about the strip club. Then of course there's the garbage and construction rackets he's involved in but that's barely enough to pay the henchmen." Pam looked mildly amused.

"Wait a minute, J owns a strip club? Since when?" Harley giggled.

"Since before we met. It's the Grin and Bare It club in the Bowery. The funny thing is when we first met I lived right down the street from it. I passed it almost every day and had no clue."

"So how did you find out if J never told you about it." Harley stood and walked to the closet to pull out the last few items that needed packing.

"Lewis. He accidentally let it slip when he was driving me home from one of our girls' nights. I was _really_ pissed at Mistah J about it but I had to keep my mouth shut or he'd have killed Louis, and you know he's my favorite henchman." Pam put together another box as Harley handed her a folded maternity dress to put inside of it.

"Well it's a good thing for Lewis that he is. I can't believe you managed to hold your temper over something like that." Harley shrugged.

"Well I was able to get over it. He only goes there to entertain clients or to take care of business. Fake boobs and lingerie aren't really his thing, so there's nothing to be jealous of, really."

"Ok girly, I think this is the last of it." Pam put a stack of yoga pants in the box and looked around. The room was pretty empty. "So am I going to get to see the new place?" Harley looked down at the floor.

"Not right away. J is adamant that we keep the comings and goings as limited as possible for a while. I'll text you pictures though." Pam walked over to Harley and embraced her.

"I'll miss you. Take care of yourself and call me if you need me." Harley hugged her back.

"Thanks Red, you're a great friend."

After Pam left, J got back from the mill with a handful of henchmen who were there to bring down the last of the boxes. He looked wiped. She hadn't seen him like this since the old days when they were fighting Batsy every other day. His recent obsession with B-man had her nervous, when he focused on the Bat he tended to lose his rationality as well as his temper. He'd been so good over the past several months and she was afraid he was regressing. He was certainly more manic than he'd been in quite some time and he was back to barely sleeping. It concerned her.

"You ready Poo? Everything all packed?" She nodded. She was trying not to be sullen but he picked up on it anyway. "Should I be prepared to watch you pout for the next three days?" He grumbled. She gave him a smile but it didn't reach her eyes.

"No Pud, I'm just tired is all."

"Well good, let's get going then, shall we."

Lewis drove them across town in a black Lincoln Town Car. Harley was mostly silent, but J didn't seem to notice. He was talking rather quickly in his excitement to show her their new lair.

"Wait till you see it Poo! It's truly a masterpiece of design. Anyone trying to break into this place will die in any number of gruesome, horrifying and painful ways! Ha ha ha!"

"That's great Puddin, is it going to be safe for a baby though?" He shot her an irritated look.

"Unless you let him run around in the smelting chamber, he'll be just fine Harls! Ya know, a little appreciation for all the work I've done to keep you and Junior safe would not be remiss!" He replied moodily.

"Sorry Mistah J. I'm just nervous is all. I'm sure it's magnificent." She sat back and took in a surprised breath when she felt her belly flutter.

"What is it Harl? What's wrong?" Joker said with a startled look on his face. She felt it again and smiled widely as she placed her hand on her belly.

"I just felt him move for the first time." J's hand shot out to lay on her protruding tummy. She felt it again and giggled.

"I don't feel anything." Harley shook her head.

"It's too soon for you to be able to feel it, but I can. Oh my God, this is so cool!" J gave her a mock pout.

"That's not fair. I wanted to feel him move." Harley kissed his nose.

"Soon you will, I'm 18 weeks along. He should start getting lively over the next month or two." Lewis looked up into the rearview.

"J-man, we here."

Joker pulled out a device that resembled a garage door opener, pressed a button and the front gates slowly swung inward. Lewis pulled through the gate and parked in front of the main entrance. J helped Harley out of the car and brought her through the large double doors. The first thing she noticed as they walked inside was the heat. It was early August and already hot enough, but the heat from the furnaces made it unendurable for a woman 18 weeks pregnant. She immediately broke out into a sweat. She looked around. The mill proper had been transformed with brightly colored lights and pennants strung around the room. There was a large neon sign that said Joker's Funland. The mine cars had been replaced with dazzlingly painted roller coaster cars. She noticed the security cameras placed around the room. There were standees scattered around that were the image of her in her Harley Quinn suit.

"What are those?"

"They're the intercoms, Poo. I wanted to make sure you were incorporated too. Do you like?" She giggled.

"I wasn't expecting that. Very cute."

She fanned herself with her hand as she grew increasingly uncomfortable. The back of her hair was growing damp.

"Sorry Poo, I forget sometimes how sensitive to heat you are these days." He pointed to one of the roller coaster cars. "Here, hop in and I'll take you to our new ho-ho-home!"

The car took them along a short track that had a mild incline, once it leveled off it came to a gentle stop on the second floor. He helped her up and opened the door to their suite of rooms. There was air conditioning up here, thank God. She would have demanded to be brought right back to Coventry if it were as hot up here as it was downstairs. He brought her through each room. It was simple, not nearly as nice as their apartment, but it was clean and functional. She was astounded by the surveillance room. She glanced over the names labeled underneath the switches on the main panel. They said things like trap door, alligator pond, cage drop, floor spikes and giant mallet. From here she was able to get a lay of the land without having to sweat to death touring the entire facility. Plus, she didn't know most of the henches and felt it was probably wise to stay away from them since she wasn't allowed to lift her mallet or get into any fights anytime soon. New henchmen _always_ challenged her authority. She was reasonably impressed that he built the medical suite, complete with an ultrasound machine, but it brought home the fact that they were going to be trapped indoors for the next several months on end. She did not relish that thought.

"So what do you think Pumpkin?" She didn't want to admit that she still liked their old apartment much better.

"It's great Pud. I can tell you put a lot of work into it." He smiled.

"See, I told you it wasn't going to be that bad and here we have plenty of protection. If the perimeter alarms go off this whole section of the building goes into lockdown mode. It essentially turns the whole suite into a giant panic room." Her eyes widened.

"Wow. That's pretty impressive Puddin." He grinned smugly.

"Yes, well I did try to think of everything Poo."

She heard a knock on the main door of the suite. She checked the peephole to see Smiley standing outside the door with two pizza boxes. Her stomach growled at the sight. She opened the door and retrieved the pies.

"Mistah J, dinner's here!"

She placed the boxes on the dining room table and went to grab some plates. To her surprise the fridge was stocked and there were cold Zesti's waiting for them. J came in and grabbed a slice of pepperoni, not waiting for a plate. She sat and piled three slices on her plate as he sat beside her.

"I really should take this into my office with me. Work to be done, Pumpkin." She frowned.

"But Puddin, it's our first day in our new place. It's unfamiliar and strange and I've been so lonely since you started this project. I thought maybe for just one night we could spend a little time together. I never get to see you anymore." She whined. He rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Pumpkin, Daddy still has lots of work to do, but I'll tell you what. We'll have dinner and maybe watch a little TV together but then I really have things I need to get done. I have a bank job to pull off next week that requires some fine tuning."

"Okay Mistah J. That'll have to do." She said sullenly.

"Please Harls, enough with the pouting already. I said I'd put off work to be with you, just not for the whole damn night. Marriage is about compromise, right? Well I'm compromising, you need to as well."

"You're right, I'm sorry Mistah J."

As promised, he did spend a little time with her. She had really been hoping they might make love in their new bedroom tonight. She'd been in the mood all week but had barely seen him to try to act on it. It was starting to feel a little too much like the old days and she wasn't happy about it. She got into bed and tried her best to fall asleep, but there were so many unusual noises she wasn't used to yet and it kept her up until late in the night. After tossing and turning for a few hours she softly padded down the hallway to find J. He was asleep, his head turned to the side and cradled in his arms, a thin line of drool dripping from the corner of his mouth and forming a tiny puddle on his plans. She gently shook him.

"Mistah J. Puddin, wake up." She said softly. He snorted and sat up abruptly, a piece of paper stuck to the side of his face. She couldn't help but chuckle before she peeled it away. "C'mon Pud, come to bed."

He looked like a zombie. He was clearly working way too hard. She took his hand and led him down the hallway to the new bedroom. He didn't even bother taking off his pants, he just flung himself onto the mattress and immediately started to snore. Harley pulled his shoes off of his feet and removed his suspenders from his trousers. She shook her head, well there would certainly be no nookie tonight. She grabbed a quilt and covered him up then got into bed and spooned him from behind. They would have to talk about him taking it a little easier on himself. If Batsy showed up right now, he'd be useless like this. She kissed his neck and cuddled up against him and was finally able to drift off to sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

Legacy Chapter 21

J was still dead to the world when Harley woke up bright and early the following day. Of course it was difficult to tell what time of day it was since there was a distinct lack of windows in the new place and the few there were had been painted black to keep prying eyes out. She didn't like it here. It was too big, too dark and there were too many odd smells and sounds. She hadn't slept well because of it. She just wanted a glimpse of sunshine or a whiff of fresh air. In typical Harley style, she tried to make the best of it though. She started a pot of coffee for J, grabbed a glass of orange juice and a banana and headed into the living room to rub some coconut oil into her continuously growing belly. She was by no means huge, but she felt like she was. Her back ached and she was already in maternity clothes. She turned on the television and found a talk show to play in the background to keep her company.

She pulled back the bottom of her robe to expose her tummy and began to rub the oil into it. So far she had avoided stretchmarks and she planned to keep it that way. As she was rubbing she felt it again. That little flutter of movement and she giggled. She talked to Junior as she massaged the oil into her skin.

"How you doing in there little guy? I can feel you moving around in there. Your mommy and daddy are really excited to meet you, ya know." She felt more fluttering. "I wish your daddy would pick a name so I know what to call you."

"Who are you talking to?"

She jumped not having heard him walk into the room. She almost spilled the coconut oil as she did so. He chuckled as he walked in and sat down next to her, a hot cup of black coffee in his hand.

"The baby. Who else would I be talking to?" She glanced at him then went back to oiling her belly. "You look like hell."

"Thanks a lot Harl." He said sarcastically. "So, how is Junior today?" She shrugged.

"Fine, moving around quite a bit. Pud, have you put any thought at all into names yet? I'd like to get him used to the sound of his own name before he's born." Joker set his coffee down and stretched as his spine crackled and popped.

"I don't know Harl, I've kind of had a lot on my mind lately."

"Well you keep shooting my choices down. I thought maybe you had an idea by now. I still like Isaac." He wrinkled his nose.

"Sorry Harls, but I don't. It's too….Jewish." She huffed out an impatient breath.

"Well whaddya want? I'm Jewish and that makes Junior half-Jewish. It was my Zayde's name, it means he who laughs. I think it's appropriate." He shook his head.

"What the hell is a Zayde?" She sighed.

"Oy vey. Do you ever listen to a single word that comes out of my mouth?" He smirked at her.

"Only about every third." She chucked a throw pillow at his head which he easily ducked.

"Zayde is Yiddish for grandfather. My grandfather's name was Isaac." She crossed her arms looking very annoyed.

"Sorry Poo, but I still don't like it."

"I wish we knew something, anything about your side of the family. It'd make this a whole lot easier." J looked thoughtful.

"Well, Poo. I may not know anything about my family but…" he paused as he considered how to word his next sentence. "There is a name. Every time I hear it I feel nostalgic for some reason. It's similar to deja vous, like I should know it or maybe did at some point but the memory has faded away. It's simple but I've always liked it for some reason."

"So what is it Pud?"

"Jack." She considered it. It was simple all right, but it wasn't bad. It was certainly better than Junior. She wondered why that name in particular was so familiar to him.

"Puddin? Do you think it might have been _your_ name before the accident?" He shrugged and sipped his coffee.

"No clue, Pumpkin. I suppose anything is possible though." She rolled the name around her brain for a few moments.

"Okay Pud. Jack it is." She leaned over and spoke to the baby." You hear that Jack? Your daddy finally named you." She felt a little flutter in response. She looked up at J and smiled. "I think he likes it." She stood, placed her hands on her lower back and stretched. "You hungry?"

"Starving. What are you making Pumpkin?" She shrugged.

She headed across the room to rummage in the cabinets and refrigerator. Luckily he had someone grocery shop for them. She started pulling things out and placing them on the counter.

"How about chocolate chip pancakes and bacon?" His stomach growled loudly in response. She giggled. "I'll take that as a yes."

As she was soaking up the last remnants of maple syrup from her plate with her remaining piece of pancake, J belched loudly and patted his stomach. She wrinkled her nose.

"Thanks, Harls. That was _really_ good."

"I'm glad you liked it. I was thinking that maybe we could do something together today. How ab-" He cut her off.

"Harley, I already told you I have a lot of work to do. The gears that control the walls in the pit of death are sticking, I have the bank security system I have to figure out how to bypass and I still have to decide how we're going to move the loot. Sorry baby, but I'm just swamped."

She turned away from him to wash her plate so he couldn't see the disappointment on her face. This was all too familiar. She had really thought when she got pregnant and especially when he proposed that they were well past all this Batman baloney. She heard him retreat to the bedroom and she let the tears she had been holding back silently fall. He didn't even remember that Dr. Maher was coming today. He had been so excited at first to see each new ultrasound and now that the Bat was back in the picture, he didn't even remember. She looked down and gently rubbed her belly.

"I guess it's just you and me kid. Your daddy means well, he's just very shortsighted when it comes to other people's needs sometimes. It doesn't mean he doesn't love us. Don't ever forget that."

Much later that day J came back into the makeshift apartment, shirtless, sweaty and covered in grime wearing work boots, grease smeared jeans and a tool-belt slung low on his hips. He headed directly for the surveillance room so he could run a test on the gears he'd been working on for the past three hours. He flipped the switch and watched the corresponding screen. The walls of the pit of death engaged and very slowly began to slide together towards the center of the room. Once they met in the middle, the mechanism released and the walls slid back to their original position.

"Perfection! Damn, I'm good!" He wandered from room to room. He wanted to show Harley what he'd managed to accomplish so far. "Harley? Hey Harls, where are ya?" He walked into the bedroom, she wasn't there. He checked the bathroom, still no Harley. He walked back to the medical suite which was the only room he hadn't checked yet. There was a printout of an ultrasound of the baby sitting on the exam table. It was dated today. "Oh crap." He smacked himself in the forehead. "I totally forgot."

He looked around trying to figure out where the hell she could have gotten to when he noticed the only window in the room was open. It was overcast and the temperature had cooled a bit. He stuck his head out of the window and realized there was a fire escape just outside. Sitting on the platform a level below the window was Harley. She was casually swinging her legs off the side of the platform looking out at the bay.

"Harley, you're lucky you didn't set off the perimeter alarm." She didn't respond. He knew he was in the doghouse. "Pumpkin, what are you doing out here?" She glanced up at him then back out at the ships in the bay. She shrugged.

"Getting some fresh air and natural light. Thinking."

She made no move to get up so he stepped out of the large window and descended the ladder. It was a shame she was so upset with him because he looked really sexy dressed the way he was. He sat next to her and noticed the disappointed expression on her face. She slowly turned and looked at him.

"I know, I know. I forgot about the doctor today."

"Yup."

He hated when she gave him the silent treatment. He'd rather her yell and make a scene than give him that quiet disapproval she was so good at dishing out.

"Look Harls, I'm sorry okay, but Daddy is _very_ busy."

"Of course you are." He really didn't have the time or the patience for this. He blew out an irritated breath.

"Ya know I'm doing all of this for you! I miss one little appointment because I'm working and suddenly I'm the bad guy." He realized what he just said and couldn't help but chuckle. "Okay that didn't come out quite right." She didn't laugh. "Oh come on Harls, cut me a break already!"

She met his eyes and opened her mouth as if to reply then slowly closed it and looked back out at the water. She knew he was too wrapped up in Bats to see reason and she didn't feel like arguing with him again.

"Fine." She struggled to get up, between her belly and him on the tiny platform it was a bit crowded. "What did you want anyway?" She asked blandly. She climbed the short distance and swung her legs inside the window. She heard him follow behind her as she walked to the kitchen and poured herself a cup of water from the pitcher in the fridge.

"Well, I was _going_ to show you what I accomplished today, but since you're insisting on being _bitchy_ , never mind." He said nastily.

She couldn't believe him. _He_ screwed up and he's flippant because she was _upset_ about it? She finally lost her temper, she couldn't help herself. She had bottled up her feelings for weeks and it just washed over her in a sea of red. She threw her cup at him as hard as she could. It smacked him directly in the nose showering him with ice cold water. His pupils shrunk to pinpoints.

"You must have balls the size of coconuts! I can't beli-" She never got a chance to finish her sentence because Joker punched her in the jaw. She was knocked backwards into the counter, hard. He was advancing on her with that killer glint in his eye. She pulled a large knife from the butcher block and held it up defensively in both hands. "Stay back or I will cut you Mistah J!"

She looked into his eyes and could tell that he had lost himself and it scared her. He dove at her, grabbing her wrist and twisting it until she could feel the bones grinding, causing her to drop the knife. She cried out in pain. He used his other hand to grab her throat and he pinned her against the fridge. Tears were streaming down her face. Before he started tightening his grip she pleaded with him.

"J please don't hurt the baby. Please don't hurt Jack."

The name made something click deep in Joker's brain. His pupils returned to normal size and he suddenly realized he had his pregnant wife's throat under his hands. He abruptly let her go and stepped back. Harley's knees gave out and she fell to the ground cradling her belly and sobbing hysterically. He saw that her jaw and cheek were swelling and bruising and there was a thin trickle of blood dripping from her mouth. He was suddenly disgusted with himself. He knelt to help her. She violently shoved him away.

"Get away from me!"

"Harl, baby, I didn't mean it. Really." She glared at him and screamed at the top of her lungs as her tears continued to steadily fall.

" _GET OUT! GETOUTGETOUTGETOUT!"_ He slowly stood, not knowing what else to do and backed away from her as she curled up in a ball and sobbed uncontrollably.

"Harley, I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me." She wouldn't look at him but a keening cry emerged from her mouth followed by a weak request.

"Please just go away. _Please_."

He was at a loss as to figuring out what else to do, so he turned and walked out of the room feeling like a complete shit-heel. He left their suite and went back down into the mill. He hadn't acted out against her since before the pregnancy. What the hell was wrong with him? He thought he had a handle on his anger but apparently that was not quite the case. He was worried that he hurt not only her but possibly the baby. Little Jack, his son. He was just under a lot of stress. That had to be it. Once things settled down everything would be fine again, he was sure of it. He headed to his lab to work out the details of the bank job. He just needed to get everything finished so things could go back to normal again, right?

Once she was able to stop crying she pulled herself up off of the floor and went into the bathroom to assess her injuries. Her face was swollen and a large bruise was creeping across the side of her face. She had a fat lip and a small cut in the corner of her mouth where his wedding band had connected with her flesh which was still bleeding slightly. Her throat was mildly bruised from him having pinned her by her neck. She took off her shirt and to her relief there was no bruising on her belly, but when she turned around she saw a dark bruise forming across her lower back where she had hit the countertop.

Scared for the baby she walked to the medical suite and turned on the ultrasound. She knew how to use it, not only from her appointments with Dr. Maher, but she had been trained how to operate one in medical school. She applied the gel and the transducer and sighed in relief to see the baby moving and to hear his little heartbeat. As she cleaned the gel off of her stomach she started to cry again. She could tell they were heading for disaster the minute he started this project and today was the proof. The most important person in J's life was back in the picture and it was changing him. He was regressing back into his psychopathic and violent tendencies, his obsessions and his anger. The sweet and tender Joker that she had married was almost gone. The question was could she snap him out of it or was it already too late for that? She'd still always love him, but she couldn't let him put the baby in danger. She wasn't ready to give up on him yet, but she was going to have to be on guard. If it happened again she'd have no choice, she'd have to leave him.

That was a hard realization to come to terms with. Where would she even go? She could stay with Red but she couldn't walk into the hospital to deliver the baby when the time came. Heh, it would be pretty ironic if she ended up in that convent in Pennsylvania after all. Maybe if she had agreed to that in the first place they wouldn't be in their current predicament. Her back was aching something fierce so she ran a hot bath to soak her aches and pains away as she tried to think of alternatives to their current situation.

The hot water did wonders for her physical aches and pains, but the psychological ones were going to require another tack. She thought back to the days when J was her patient in Arkham. She was the only doctor he had ever really cooperated with. Given there were other reasons for that besides the fact that she was a good psychiatrist but she was thinking it was time for them to have a long overdue session. She formed a solid idea and decided it was at the very least worth a shot.

Later that evening J slunk back to their suite knowing that he was in for a huge fight. He planned to play on her emotions, she was so easy to manipulate. If he acted like he was really, _really_ sorry, apologized and coddled her he thought he could at the very least avoid a lot of tears and dramatics. He entered the bedroom thinking to find her there sulking but she wasn't there. He decided to get cleaned up before he went to deal with her. If he looked good and smelled nice she might be more receptive to him.

After his shower he put on a set of pajama bottoms she had bought him a while back and a tiny bit of cologne and went into the other room to get this over with. When he walked in he stopped dead in his tracks. Harley was sitting in a chair a few feet away from the couch. She was wearing high heels, a pencil skirt, a blue button down tunic top and her old lab coat. Her hair was pulled back in a bun at the nape of her neck and had her round reading glasses perched on the bridge of her nose. She was holding a pen and a notepad on her lap. Except for the fact that she was five months pregnant and had a huge bruise on her face, she looked exactly like she did the day they first met. His eyes widened and darted around the room looking for any other surprises and then back to her. He raised an eyebrow and stepped warily towards her.

"Um, Harls, is this some kind of kinky roleplay you have planned, because I have to be honest, I'm just not really in the mood Poo." She pushed her glasses up and coolly addressed him.

"Please have a seat Mister Joker." Her ditzy Brooklyn accent was gone as she put on her phony professional demeanor. He slowly walked over to the couch and sat down.

"Pumpkin, I obviously hit you a little too hard, are y-"

"Mr. Joker, you may address me as Doctor Quinzel or Doc if you prefer but please, in the name of professionalism, no pet names." He gaped at her. He felt like he had just walked into the twilight zone.

"Harley, what in seven hells is going on here?" She raised her eyes from her notebook to look at him.

"What is going on, Mr. Joker, is a session between a patient and his doctor. Now if you'll just relax we can begin."

"Harley, this isn't funny."

"That's because it's not a joke." Her accent slipped out, she was a little out of practice in a clinical setting. She cleared her throat. "You are regressing and we need to address it for the sake of your _family_."

"So you're really being serious? This isn't some kind of prank to get back at me for earlier?"

"Yes I'm really being serious. You can participate, or the baby and I can walk. So what's it gonna be?" He shrugged and leaned back with his hands behind his head.

"Okay then Doc, fire away. Just do me a favor and drop the Mister Joker, you _know_ how much that irritates me."

"Thank you. So Mistah J, it has come to my attention that your recent obsession with the Batman has been slowly overtaking every other area of your life. Can you comment on that?" He sighed.

"Really Harls? This old chestnut again? I am not obsessed with Batsy! He's obsessed with me!" She wrote down a note.

"I noticed you said _you_ and not _us_. Isn't it more accurate to say that he's obsessed with getting his hands on our baby and not you in particular?" He lifted his head and stared at her incredulously. She raised her eyebrow and spun a finger in the air to hurry along his response.

"Okay fine, yes. What's your point?"

"All in good time Mistah J. Now, tell me, how old are you?" He sighed.

"You know how old I am Harley!"

"Dr. Quinzel please." He growled in the back of his throat in frustration. "Please state your age. Out loud."

"I'm fifty-nine years old! What does that have to do with anything?"

"And what is your marital status?"

"I'm married. Newly, although depending on where this is all going it might be divorced _very soon_!"

"Now do you think a man who is nearly sixty, has a new wife and an unborn son should be spending not only every dime he has but also every minute of the day obsessing about a man in a bat costume?"

"You know why I'm doing all this. I'm doing it for _you_! And the _baby_!"

"I find that an interesting statement." He glared at her.

"Oh yeah, _Doc_?" He said sarcastically. "Why's that?"

"I find it interesting that you've convinced yourself that you're doing all of this for someone else's benefit, when it's very obviously a self-satisfying project you've taken on." He threw his hands up.

"Oh c'mon, how can you say that?"

"Very easily Mistah J. Let me ask you a series of questions. Please try to keep your answers as brief and to the point as possible. Is isolation healthy for a pregnant woman?"

"It is if a pointy eared vigilante is chasing you!"

"Is that what all of those pregnancy books taught you? Now let me ask you again, is isolation healthy for a pregnant woman?"

"No."

"Thank you. What are the most important things a woman needs from her partner during a pregnancy?"

"A hole in the head."

" _Mistah J!"_

"I don't know. Support, attention, affection?" She smiled over her notebook at him.

"Very good Mistah J. Next question, when was the last time you were intimate with your wife?" He looked puzzled. He wasn't really sure.

"Um, a week ago I think. Maybe longer. I'm not sure."

"Before Batman came back into your life how often, on average, were you intimate with your partner?" He shrugged.

"Over the past several years, three, four sometimes five times a week."

"And you don't find it odd that your sex drive has diminished over the past month or so?"

"I hadn't really thought about it." He growled.

"How many hours a day are you currently spending on tasks directly relating to Batman?" He crossed his arms over his chest.

"I don't know. Five or six?"

"Okay then what are you doing with the rest of your day? Spending it with your family?"

"I'm working!"

"Which relates directly to Batman, correct?"

"Yes! Is that what you want to hear? Yes my work relates directly to Batman!" She wrote down a few notes.

"How many hours a night are you sleeping on average now?"

"I don't know, a couple of hours I guess. Some nights I don't sleep at all."

"Has that been your normal pattern over the past several years, or has this started since you went back to 'work'?" He rolled his head to flash her an annoyed frown.

"Will you just get to the point already?" She looked up from her notes.

"There is no point Mistah J, this is simply therapy. Please answer the question."

"Fine. No it's not my normal routine. I usually sleep about six hours a night when I'm not working."

"In regard to your temper, more specifically your violent behavior, have you noticed a lack of control over the past few months?"

"Yes, yes I have! Happy?" He spat.

"No Mistah J, not particularly. So have you been happier over the past several months? Have you felt more fulfilled, more content, closer to your loved ones and have your loved ones been happier, more content and fulfilled?"

" _NO_! Is that what you want to hear?"

"I just want the truth. So this obsession with Batman is detrimental to your mental state, your family and your life in general. So why?"

" _Because it makes me feel young again!_ " He yelled. "Me and the Bat, outsmarting each other, duking it out. Epic battles, nemesis verses nemesis."

"So would you say you're having a mid-life crisis?" He sat up and stared at her.

"Are _you_ saying I'm having a mid-life crisis?" She shrugged.

"I think it's entirely possible. But this isn't like buying a new Corvette, Mistah J. You're putting the health and well-being of me and the baby at risk for it. You've spent almost all of our money creating an elaborate death trap for the Bat. On top of it all you've convinced yourself you're being selfless when you're being anything but!" She shouted.

"So what do you want me to do?"

"I want you to spend a few days re-evaluating your priorities. I'm finally going to make you choose. Do you want me and the baby or do you want B-man. Think about it and when you've made your decision please let me know, because I'm done sharing you with him."

She stood and walked into the bedroom leaving him staring open mouthed at her back. So this was it, he figured it would happen sooner or later. Give up the Bat or give up his family. He supposed for a normal guy it was an easy choice, but for him it was complex, nuanced. He hated her a little just then for making him even think about it. He heard the bedroom door close and lock. He sighed, looked like he was spending the night on the couch alone.


	22. Chapter 22

Legacy Chapter 22

The couple avoided each other as much as possible for the next week and a half. Harley avoided J because she wanted him to remember what it was going to be like to be alone again and also because she was pretty sure he was going to choose B-man over her and Jack, which made it hurt to look at him. She had spoken to Red on the phone and they had discussed the situation at length. Pamela insisted she come stay with her if he made the wrong decision. They'd work the delivery details out with her midwife once she was settled. Harley had so little confidence that Joker would choose his family over the Bat she had started packing some boxes to prepare for when he dropped the bomb.

Joker avoided Harley because he was pissed that she had backed him into a corner and because the bank job was happening this week which was absorbing almost all of his time. He had made a small living space for himself in his lab in the mill proper. Not that J had been sleeping much, but when he did it was on a stiff, uncomfortable cot in the lab. It was causing a crick in his neck and a dull ache in his back. Not to mention that the mill was hot, ridiculously so. He'd set up some fans but it did little to cool anything off, mostly it just blew the hot air around the room. He was subsequently very irritable and more than a few of the new hires discovered Joker's henchmen retirement program, also known as a bullet in the brain.

J tried to focus on the job. They were hitting the Gotham City Bank, the biggest bank in Gotham. This was going to be a _very_ complex job but the take was going to be massive. There was a ton of security to bypass but GCB was the only bank in the city with two vaults. One was inside the bank and the second was underground. Luckily, besides Batman, no one knew the bowels of the city as well as Joker did. There were seven teams going in. Team one consisted of his highly advanced techies and would be on the roof to disable the alarms, team two were raw muscle and one demolitions expert. The muscle would be on crowd control in the front of the bank and the demolitions expert would blow the bulletproof glass which would allow team three access to the vault. Team three were his safe crackers, men with a combined experience of thirty-five years opening safes and vaults. Team four were his transporters. This was going to be an early morning job, so they'd be moving the loot from the upper vault in a garbage truck. The normal pickup for the dumpster in the alley behind the bank was 10:15 AM so they'd hit GCB at 9:55 AM. That should give them plenty of time to crack the vaults and load the take. The guys themselves were being picked up by his drivers in city busses they had stolen a few months back. Team five were on distraction and diversion. They'd be posing as a Gotham City Power and Light repair crew doing work in the sewers surrounding the location. They would be able to delay or divert any traffic converging on the bank just in case the cops were alerted as well as covering up the movements of teams four and six. Team six were heavy machinery operations and they had been in place for the past three weeks already.

The underground vault was surrounded by eight feet of solid granite. The vault itself had seismometers to detect any tremors around it, which Joker had his computer hackers recalibrate to register nothing under an earthquake of 7.0 magnitude. His crew had brought an underground coal mine excavator in through an old abandoned subway line and they had slowly been drilling through to the back of the vault. They were now within inches of their goal. Team seven would be going in the back of the underground vault. That was the team Joker was accompanying. It would have the largest take and the least exposure. They'd load the loot on large flatbed carts and escape through a series of tunnels Joker had found ages ago and had outfitted with multiple hidden doors and sliding panels. His part in this would be a cake-walk.

The day before the job J had no choice but to go upstairs and face Harley. His disguise was still in their bedroom closet. He was also hoping to grab something more substantial to eat than the beef jerky, granola bars and Jell-O pudding cups he'd been subsisting on for the past ten or twelve days. He quietly walked up the stairs and slid the door open. He sidled down the hallway and peeked in the bedroom. She wasn't there. He tiptoed to the kitchen and breathed a sigh of relief to discover she wasn't there either. He raided the fridge. He grabbed a cold fried chicken leg and stuck it in his mouth as he rummaged through the rest of the plastic containers. He grabbed a bowl of leftover pasta, a couple of Zesti's and a slice of cheesecake that was covered in plastic wrap and juggled them in his arms.

"What are you doing?" J spun around and tried to answer her around the chicken leg stuffed in his mouth.

"Lookim for somefin oo eat" She rolled her eyes.

"Well you don't have to act like a scavenger, it's your place. Sit and eat if you're hungry."

He eyed her warily as she approached him. She shut the refrigerator door and hung a new ultrasound printout on the front. J backed away a few steps and placed the items in his hands on the counter then pulled the chicken out of his mouth.

"Hey Harley, long time no see. Why was the doctor here so soon?" She sighed.

"Because I finally leveled with him about you bashing me into the kitchen counter. He needed to make sure you didn't hurt the baby." He looked down at the ground.

"Did I?"

"No thank God, just me." She turned away from him to walk to the bedroom. She was wearing a backless shirt and he saw the enormous bruise on her lower back. It had mottled into splotches of black, purple, green and yellow. "Enjoy your meal. I'll be in the bedroom if you need anything."

He watched her go and felt a pang of something in his chest. He pulled the ultrasound off the fridge and gazed at it. He could very clearly make out Jacks face, spine and extremities. He had grown since the last appointment he had been at with Harley. He sighed, hung the picture back up and dug into his food. When he had finished he walked down the hallway and lightly knocked on the bedroom door.

"Yes?"

"Harls, I need to grab something out of the closet."

"Come in."

He opened the door to see her working on some kind of arts and crafts project. She had a large blank paged book in front of her and she was surrounded by photos, notes, ultrasounds, ribbons, invitations, swatches of fabric and other bits and bobs.

"What are you doing Poo?"

It didn't even occur to him that he had slipped right back into calling her his favorite pet name. Harley had. She looked up at him, her baby blues round and shiny.

"Making a baby book for Jack. I want to make sure he knows where he comes from. I want him to know he was conceived in love." That hurt J like a punch to the gut. He was going to say so when he became distracted by Harley. "Ooh." She said as she placed her hand on her belly and giggled. "Easy Jackie, your killing mommy today."

"What was that?" She looked up with a smile on her face.

"He's kicking." J walked the few steps to the bed.

"Really? Can I, ya know, feel it?" She gave him a mildly puzzled look.

"Of course you can. He's your son." J knelt next to the bed and lightly placed his hand on Harley's belly. "I don't feel anything." She placed her hand over his and guided it a few inches to the left and pressed.

"Just wait a minute, he'll do it again."

She couldn't help but look at him as he stared at her tummy. She still loved him so much it hurt and it killed her that she was slowly losing him. The baby kicked again. A large grin spread across his face as he turned to look up at Harley.

"I felt that! That's my boy! He's gonna be strong just like his daddy."

He saw that her eyes were glistening with tears but she smiled at him anyway. He let his hand linger on her stomach for a moment before cupping her face in both hands, closing his eyes and kissing her tenderly. She responded fervently as her tears spilled over her lower lashes. He deepened the kiss, his tongue seeking hers, his hand moving to cup the nape of her neck. She ran one hand through his thick green hair as she felt him slowly leaning her back onto the bed. She should probably stop him but she hadn't felt his touch in weeks and it was too wonderful to stop. If she was going to lose him at least she would have this night to remember him by. They made love, gently at first, but soon becoming increasingly arduous. They were lost in one another, even if only for a brief time. Afterward, they lay on their sides, J with his arm around her, his hand resting gently on her belly. Neither spoke for some time.

"Harley, I'm sorry I hurt you." She moved her hand to grasp the one he had lying on her tummy.

"I know you are J, but that still doesn't change anything in the long run. Have you made your decision yet?"

"Look, Harls, I have the Gotham City bank job tomorrow. It's a complex job and I have a lot riding on it. When it's over I can focus on us, can we please wait to discuss it till then?" She sighed.

"Yeah." He gave her a light squeeze.

"Thanks Pumpkin. What time is it?" She glanced at the bedside table and read the clock.

"A little after eight."

"Shit. Harley I hate to do this to you but-"

"I know. You have to go." He frowned, he really did want to stay with her but he had a job to do.

"I promise, we'll talk when I get back."

She felt him get up and she immediately missed his body and his warmth pressed against her back. She watched him as he went to the closet and withdrew the ugliest suit she had ever laid eyes on. It was gray, wrinkled and looked like it was going to be awfully baggy on him. It was paired with a hideous white dress shirt that had a blue vertical pattern of dashes and dots. She giggled trying to imagine him wearing it. He looked up at her.

"What?"

"That suit." He smiled.

"I know, it's hideous right? See Batsy knows I wouldn't be caught dead in something this God awful, so it works perfectly." He reached back into the closet and pulled out a sad clown mask. "With this on, even if he shows up he'll never know it was me." She shook her head.

"I wouldn't go with the clown mask if I were you. It feels like a taunt to me." He examined it for a moment.

"Ya think?"

"Yeah. I'd go with the Batman masks you bought. He's less likely to think of you immediately."

"Good idea. Thanks Pumpkin." He walked over to the bed leaned down and gave her a quick kiss. "See you tomorrow."

"Good luck Mistah J."

The following day the crews headed out to their respective assignments. J had Lewis drive him to one of his properties in the financial district. It was an old publishing building several blocks from the bank where he had access to the tunnel system beneath Gotham City. He then sent Lewis back to the mill in case Harley needed anything while everyone was away. Team seven was waiting for him when he arrived. Included in this group were some of the beefier henchmen, Leo and Smiley. They made their way to meet up with the excavation team. Joker was armed with a long barreled pistol and an assault rifle. He doubted they'd need it, theirs was the easiest part with the exception of the heavy lifting that was going to be required. The excavator wasn't currently running. They were a few inches away from breaching the vault and were waiting for J and the team to resume their work.

"Hello boys! We ready to roll?" One of the henchmen wearing a hardhat responded.

"Just waiting for your signal boss."

"Well what are we waiting for? Let's get to it!"

They cranked up the machinery and began to drill through the last few inches of the vault wall. Once through there was a hole about five feet in diameter to allow them access to the cash. J was the first inside. The vault was large, the largest in all of Gotham and packed full of dough. The team filed in behind him and began filling duffel bags, loading them onto the carts and taking them back to the publishing house to store until the busses were free. Team seven were not under the same time constraints as the above ground teams, which was good because it was going to take a long time to load the take and get it out of here. J wasn't physically helping, he was there mainly to babysit, make sure everything went smoothly and make sure none of his men got greedy and tried to make off with his money.

It took close to a half hour to load and move the take. They were maybe two more cartloads away from being home free when the locking mechanism on the front door of the vault disengaged and the door swung open. Team seven scrambled to get out of the vault but there were twenty-five men and only one five foot opening for them to escape. They could hear the voices before they saw the faces of the group approaching them.

"So you see commissioner, our security system is state of the art! I think if other banks adopted it we'd have a lot less theft in Goth-"

A group of eight uniformed cops, Commissioner Gordon and the bank manager froze as they saw the masked thieves attempting to escape. Gordon yelled to the criminals.

"Freeze or we will open fire!"

J had been the furthest from the opening when the vault door opened meaning he'd be one of the last one's out if he didn't think fast. Joker grabbed the assault rifle off his shoulder and sprayed a burst of bullets first at the cops and then turned the gun on his own men, mowing them down. He ran as quickly as he could over the fallen bodies of his henchmen. As he neared the exit the cops opened fire. J felt a hot sting as he took a slug in his right shoulder. He faltered within a foot of his escape route and screamed as he felt another red hot pain shoot through his left thigh. He fell through the hole face first and bleeding profusely. Smiley was there waiting to help his boss get the hell out of there.

"Smiley. In my jacket pocket. Take it. We gotta move, _NOW_!"

Smiley fished a detonator out of J's pocket, threw Joker's good arm over his shoulder and practically dragged him away from the vault and into the tunnels.

"The button, Smiley, hit it and cover your ears."

He pressed down on the detonator blowing the tunnel they had dug to get to the back of the vault, cutting the cops off from their escape route. J was losing a lot of blood. The wound to his thigh may have nicked an artery. They stumbled onto one of the carts of money and Smiley put J on top of it and wheeled him to the publishing house. J was starting to lose consciousness.

"Smiley, there's a car behind the building, the keys are hanging on the wall by the back door. Get me to it and take me back to the mill." He handed him his phone. "Call Harley, tell her to get Dr. Kincade over there. And Smiley, if I make it, you're getting a promotion and a raise."

Shortly after Smiley got J into the car he passed out. Smiley took it easy getting out of the immediate area and took the opportunity to call Harley.

"Mistah J?"

"No Harley, it's Smiley. J's been shot, he's losing a lot of blood. He said to get Dr. Kincade over there right away!"

"What? Oh my God is he ok? Is he alive?"

"He is for now but if you don't get a doctor over there he won't last long! I'm about to hit the expressway, we'll be there in fifteen minutes."

Once he hit the Aparo Expressway Smiley floored it. Meanwhile Harley frantically called Dr. Kincade and explained the situation. Luck must have been on her side because he was only ten minutes away from the mill. He arrived before Smiley and J did. The henchmen who were on the other teams had started slowly rolling in which was fortunate. Smiley screeched into the yard and screamed for some extra hands to help him move the boss. As they carried Joker to the medical suite a trail of blood droplets was left behind them. Harley freaked out when she saw the state of her Puddin.

"Oh my God, oh my God. What happened?" She screamed.

The henchmen placed Joker on the table and Dr. Kincade got to work immediately. The shoulder was non-life threatening so he started on the thigh wound. He had the henchmen escort Harley out of the room. He was going to need to open the Joker up and he didn't think she could handle it. As the doctor did what he could for Joker, Lewis and Smiley tried calming Harley down.

"What the hell happened?" She asked Smiley.

"It was a freak thing, really. The bank manager was giving the commissioner and a buncha cops a tour of the facility. It seemed like he was trying to sell their security system, to get the commissioner to recommend all banks use it. They obviously had no clue what was going on above them either. It was a million to one occurrence!" He ran a hand through his sweaty hair. "J was closest to the cops. He ran but they opened fire. If I hadn't waited for him he'd have been a goner for sure!" Harley lifted her tearstained face to Smiley and threw her arms around his neck.

"Thank you! You're officially out of the Chuckle Patch." She pulled away. "What's your real name?"

"It's Spike, but Smiley is fine. I like it okay."

"You will never get another shit job again as long as I'm around. I promise."

Harley paced the suite while she waited for an update from Doctor Kincade. What seemed like hours later the doctor came out covered in blood. Harley ran over to him.

"How is he?" Dr. Kincade shook his head.

"Harley I was able to repair the artery, remove the slugs and close him up but he needs blood. Lots of it and I don't have access to any." Harley spun around and looked at Lewis.

"Go round up the guys. Find anyone who's O positive and get their asses up here. Check for track marks and needle pops. I don't want any junkies." She turned back to the doctor and held out her arm. "We're the same blood type. Start with me."

"Harley. The baby, I c-" She glowered at him.

"I. SAID. START. WITH. _ME!_ "

He nodded and brought her into the medical suite. He pulled the necessary tools from his medical bag and inserted an I.V. into Harley's arm. J looked like death. He was perfectly still and covered in blood. She said a silent prayer to any Gods that would listen to please spare him for the sake of the baby, and for her.

Dr. Kincade took as much blood from Harley as he dared. When she was finished she was lightheaded and Kincade ordered her to bed rest. He began taking blood from the henchmen next and stored the extra blood in the refrigerator in case it was needed. Joker was not out of the woods yet. He was stable, but in this kind of surgical environment the chance of infection increased tenfold. There was also a chance of his body going into shock or rejecting the blood donated to him, all complications he was not prepared to handle under their current circumstances. For now, he just prayed he made it through the night.

Lewis sat by Harley's bedside as she slept, while Spike/Smiley sat vigil with Joker. Kincade had managed to have some equipment and supplies delivered. It included an IV stand and extra tubing, bags of fluids, antibiotics, morphine, both of which Kincade added to Joker's drip, a catheter setup, an oxygen tank, a defibrillator and a heart monitor. Smiley was to alert the doctor if there were any change at all. Kincade was taking a cat nap in the recliner in the living room. The surgery was long and grueling and he was exhausted.

Harley was the first to wake. Lewis was snoring in a chair next to her bed. She quietly snuck down the hall to the medical suite. Smiley was still diligently awake, monitoring Mr. J's vitals while the doctor slept. Smiley stood and let Harley take his chair. J was breathing shallowly. Harley had never seen him like this before with tubes coming out of his arms and nose, electrodes on his chest and looking like death warmed over. She held his hand and it was cool and clammy, so unlike his usual elevated body temperature. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks.

"Hey Puddin. It's me, your little Harley-girl and your baby boy Jackie. We want you to know how much we love you and how important it is for you to come back to us. We need our Daddy. We need you Puddin. Please, please don't leave me. You gotta pull through this. For me. For our son."

She dashed the tears from her eyes with the back of one hand. She stood and leaned over her beloved and pressed her lips to his. They were also cool and completely unresponsive. She looked over to Smiley.

"Thanks for watching over him, I'll take over now."

"But the heart monitor, I was supposed to let the Doc know if anything changes."

"It's okay Spike, I'm a doctor. Can you do me a favor?"

"Of course, what do you need?"

"Coffee and Dr. Kincade when he gets up. Thanks Spike."

Joker's condition didn't change at all during the first twenty-four hours. Dr. Kincade hooked up another pint of blood since Joker's color hadn't come up at all. Harley, Spike and Lewis took turns watching over him. Lewis had taken it upon himself to get the take moved from the publishing house to the steel mill now that the neighborhood had calmed down. He was worried some of the guys might get some stupid ideas about taking off with the cash. He had the loot locked in the vault J had installed when he first purchased the facility. Over the next few days Harley finally got the whole story put together from the henchmen she spoke with. She was sad to discover that Leo was shot during their escape. He was shot by her Puddin in fact, but she was okay with sacrifices being made if it meant saving J's life.

On the fourth day of Joker being unresponsive Harley nodded off in the chair beside his bed while she was reading him the newspaper articles on the heist. They were dubbing it the crime of the century. J had ripped the bank off for a cool three hundred and sixty-five million in cash. She was snoring softly, the paper resting on her swelling belly. Joker's eyelids twitched for several minutes and eventually opened. The first thing he became aware of was the pain and he groaned as he slowly shook off his grogginess. The second thing he was aware of was his thirst. Harley had been rubbing ice chips on his lips over the past few days to keep his mouth moist but when he woke he felt like someone had stuffed it full of cotton. The next and final thing he realized was that Harley was sitting beside his sickbed, obviously exhausted. She had dark circles under her eyes and she was sleeping sitting almost straight up in her chair. He cleared his throat and attempted to speak. His first attempt yielded nothing but a weak whisper but his next attempt was a little bit louder.

"Harley." She twitched in her slumber. "Poohbear." Her lids fluttered and opened and she stared at him in shock.

"Puddin!" She jumped out of her chair. Her instinct was to hug him and smother him with kisses but she knew that would hurt him, possibly even injure him further. "How do you feel sweetie?" She asked as she gently pushed the hair back from his brow. He groaned again.

"Like hell. Harls can I have some water please?" She picked up a glass of water with a straw in it from the nearby table and brought the straw to his lips.

"Small sips Pud. You've been unconscious for four days." His eyes widened.

"I've been out for four days?" Her eyes filled with tears.

"Nearly, yeah. I thought I was gonna lose you Pud." He attempted to reach for her but took in a sharp breath as pain shot from his shoulder all the way down his arm to his fingertips. She took his other hand in hers instead.

"Well I'm here Harls. I'm gonna be okay now, Pumpkin. Please don't cry." She sniffled and wiped her nose on the back of her hand.

"I'm sorry Puddin. I was just so scared." He weakly squeezed her hand.

"I know Poo. I didn't mean to scare you. How about you give Daddy some sugar baby." She carefully leaned over and placed her lips gently on his as she caressed his cheek with her free hand. As she straightened she heard his stomach growl loudly.

"Oh Puddin, let me go get the Doc. And I'll make you some broth and Jell-O. You must be starving!"

"Thanks kiddo. You're right I feel empty as a drum." She scurried off to make him something to eat as the doctor came in to examine his patient.

"Glad to see you awake. You had me worried there for a while old boy. This was a close one."

"Yeah, I know. Maybe I am getting too old for the Super-villain gig. You think I should retire?" the doctor cocked his head.

"It wouldn't be a bad idea as far as your health is concerned. Speaking of which, you'll be convalescing for at least a month. The wound in your thigh nearly did you in. How's your pain on a scale from one to ten, ten being the highest?"

"Oh I'd say we're at about an eight."

"Okay, let Harley get some food and fluids into you and then I'll administer some more morphine."

Harley spoon-fed Joker a bowl of hot chicken broth and some cherry Jell-O which took the edge off of the emptiness in his stomach. He adjusted his position and realized he felt an odd tugging sensation 'downtown.' He lifted the blanket to try and get a look at what that might be and was horrified to find that he had been catheterized.

"What the holy hell?" Harley patted his hand.

"I know what you're going to say Pud, but until your leg can hold weight, you're just going to have to deal with it."

Dr. Kincade came in with J's morphine. Before he administered it Harley gave J another kiss, knowing he'd be knocked out for several more hours.

"Thank you for coming back to me." She whispered. "I love you."

Kincade injected the morphine into his IV drip and within moments he was deep asleep again. Harley hugged the doctor and thanked him over and over again. Then she went to her bedroom, fell onto her knees on the side of the bed, clasped her hands together and bowed her head. She had never been particularly religious but she felt she owed a thank you to whatever out there had given him, given them another chance. She would not squander this opportunity. She loved him and she'd do whatever it took to make it work.


	23. Chapter 23

Legacy Chapter 23

Harley immediately put some of the money from the GCB job to good use. She paid the henchmen and gave a huge bonus to both Dr. Kincade and Spike for saving J's life. Next she ordered more medical supplies and equipment. A new top of the line hospital bed was delivered that afternoon. Before they moved J to the new bed, Harley assisted Dr. Kincade in cleaning and redressing Joker's injuries. They turned on the new surgical lights so they could properly assess the condition of the wounds. Harley gasped as Kincade cut away the bloody bandages covering J's thigh. He had a five-inch incision that started just below his groin on the inside of his left thigh and stretched halfway to his knee. He had a total of forty stiches and the skin surrounding the wound was red and angry looking. They carefully cleaned it up and bound his thigh with clean dressings as J moaned and complained. The shoulder wound was much smaller, only about an inch long but they had to sit J up to apply the clean bandages and he cried out as they moved him. Once that was finished she had Kincade leave the room so she could give J a sponge bath. He still had blood caked in the crevice of his thigh and some more on his back and extremities. As she gently washed him he cleared his throat to get her attention. She looked up from her work and met his eyes.

"So, Kincade tells me I owe you my life." She shrugged and went back to washing away the blood that had crusted between his toes.

"All I did was give you my blood Puddin. Smiley and the Doc really saved the day." She looked up again. "I hope you don't mind that I gave them both a big bonus for our gratitude."

"No, no, not at all Poo. They earned it." She walked around the bed to scrub his neck and behind his ears where there were still a few blood spatters lingering on his alabaster skin. He reached up and grabbed her hand. "But I wanted to thank you too, Harls. You put yourself and Jackie at risk to save me." His brow creased. "That was stupid. I've been such an inconsiderate prick to you lately but you still risked your life to save mine. I wanted to tell you I'm sorry. Sorry about all of this. The mill, the Bat, my obsession, my shitty attitude and my neglect of you. I made you a promise on that beach in Cyprus to try to be a good husband and father and I royally fucked it all up." Harley was in shock, not only at his apology but at hearing his voice crack and seeing the tears that were gathering in his eyes. "You should have let me die on this table, it's what I deserved. You shouldn't have had to put your life on the line, or Jack's. I don't deserve you."

He squeezed his eyes shut to try to stop the tears that were now streaming from his eyes to no avail. Harley set down the sponge, took his face in her hands and wiped his tears away with the balls of her thumbs.

"Puddin, don't say that. You made a mistake, that's all, and that's okay. No one is perfect." She shook his head in her hands very lightly and he opened his eyes to look at her. "I love you heart and soul. I'd die a thousand deaths if it meant saving yours, no matter what. Now stop all of this gloomy, self-defeating talk, okay?" She leaned over and kissed him as his tears slowed to a trickle. He reached up to cup her face with his good hand. As she pulled away he grabbed her hand and placed it over his heart.

"I love you too Harley, and I really am sorry." She smiled down at him.

"Apology accepted. Now how about you give your wife that winning Joker smile, huh?"

He humored her even though the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. She knew from her time as a psychiatrist that he was experiencing a typical emotional response to the kind of trauma he had undergone. She expected him to go through several stages before they were through. She dried his tears and finished cleaning him up. She dressed him in a clean hospital gown to protect his modesty.

"Now let's get you off this uncomfortable table and into a nice soft bed. Sit tight, I'm going to go get some of the boys to help."

She came back a few minutes later with four of his men who lifted him as carefully as they could and placed him on the hospital bed as Harley maneuvered the IV tubes and catheter bag. Harley fiddled with the bed's controls raising the head of it so that he was in a semi-sitting position. She pulled his sheet and blankets up and tucked him in then placed a fluffy pillow behind his head.

"Comfy Pud?" He was still feeling kind of down so he simply nodded in response. She handed him the remote control for the new flat screen television she had the boys install on the wall for him and placed a stack of newspapers outlining his heist on his lap. "I'm going to go make you something to eat. Will you be ok by yourself for a few minutes or would you like me to send in someone to keep you company?"

"No, I'll be fine Poo. Thanks."

He turned on the TV and flipped through the channels but nothing piqued his interest so he shut it off again. He picked up the paper and smiled when he saw the headline. "Crime of the Century: Thieves make off with $365M from GCB." He knew the take was big but he didn't realize it was quite _that_ big. That would take care of their money troubles for quite a while. He scanned the article. There was no indication that they thought he was involved in any way. That both relieved and disappointed him. He had never committed a crime he didn't put his personal signature on before. He liked people knowing he pulled off something no one else could.

Harley entered the room carrying a tray. She set the tray down on a rolling table and positioned it over his lap. She raised it up a few inches to make it easier for him to eat. She made him a turkey and Swiss cheese sandwich, tomato soup, coffee, apple juice and butterscotch pudding which was one of his favorites. Joker was left handed which was a blessing as his right arm was in a sling. He was famished and immediately picked up half of the sandwich and took a large bite. Harley prepared a syringe full of morphine to add to his IV after he finished his lunch. She checked his fluid bag which was still half full, and noted the monitors which were all within the normal range. Then she sat in the chair next to his bed and started nibbling on her own sandwich. Joker glanced over and wrinkled his nose.

"Is that what it looks like?" She gave him a goofy grin.

"What does it look like Pud?"

"Well I can smell the peanut butter and banana, but it looks like you have pickle slices in there too." She giggled.

"Then it is what it looks like."

"What is it with you and pickles lately?" She shrugged.

"I don't know Puddin. I've just been craving them since you got me pregnant. I didn't even like pickles before. I've been eating a lot of lemons lately too. I discovered cherry pop rocks on a half of lemon is delicious!" J shook his head then spooned some soup into mouth.

"Pretty gross Harls." He finished his food and started on his dessert.

"So how's your pain right now?" He moved his right arm slightly and winced.

"Still about an eight."

"Okay, when you're done I'll give you your pain meds. I'm going to slowly pull the dosage back over the next few weeks though, we don't need you developing a dependence. Oh I almost forgot."

She hopped up from her chair and zipped into the other room. She came back with a wheelchair that had something balanced on the arm rests. She popped the device open and he groaned to see it was a walker. He hated being an invalid, having to rely on other people for his every need and he hated the fact that he was going to have to graduate from the chair to the walker and then probably a cane before he'd be able to walk normally again. Harley noticed the despondent look on his face.

"Don't worry Pud. You'll be up and about before you know it. In the meantime, you have me to take care of you." He finished his pudding and coffee and pushed the tray table away. Harley walked over to collect his dishes. He reached out and grabbed her wrist before she could pick up the tray and pulled her close. "What's wrong Mistah J?"

"Nothing's wrong. I know you're about to give me morphine and I'd like a goodnight kiss."

She smiled broadly and obliged him. After a few moments she pulled away and straightened her back. She picked up the syringe and injected the medication into his drip. Within moments his eyes started to get glassy. He gazed at her with a look she never recalled seeing in his eyes before. It was akin to adoration.

"Thanks again for being here for me Harley. You have no idea how much you mean to me." Her little heart melted at his words, of course the likelihood was that the morphine was doing the talking just then, but she enjoyed the moment anyway. His eyes started to droop and she gently kissed his forehead and left him alone so he could sleep.

Over the next several weeks, J slowly recovered. Harley could tell he was feeling a little bit better because he was cranky and irritable. He was now able to get out of bed on his own to use the half bathroom that was just off the medical suite with the assistance of a walker. Longer distances still made him dizzy and winded him but he was determined to walk under his own steam. He still had to rely heavily on Harley and she was more than happy to take care of him. She had started him on some light physical therapy, including lifting a three-pound weight with his right hand and stretching out his thigh muscles and she could see that his condition was improving.

It was early September and Harley would soon be entering her third trimester of pregnancy. Her belly was quite pronounced now and it made certain tasks a lot more difficult for her. Thankfully Ivy and Selina had been over quite a bit to help her out which she was incredibly grateful for. J had gotten a good number of visitors. Harvey, Oswald and Waylon had all been by to see how he was doing and to keep him company, and it seemed to do him a world of good. He enjoyed telling them the story of the GCB heist and getting shot, embellishing the facts a good deal as he did so. They often played cards which seemed to help distract him from the pain, which was helpful since Harley had cut his morphine down to next to nothing.

That Friday Harley came back to the suite with the clean laundry and planned on changing the sheets on J's hospital bed when she saw both Ivy and Selina come out of J's room. Neither one of them really liked Joker very much, so she found it rather odd. She stopped them.

"Is Mistah J okay?" Selina gave Harley a suspicious looking grin.

"Yes, he's fine. We were just checking up on him since you were busy." Ivy was smiling but was looking a little less composed than her usual cool, almost icy demeanor portrayed. Harley raised an eyebrow.

"What are you two up to?" Ivy answered a little too quickly.

"Nothing. Just trying to do our part to help." Harley didn't believe it for one instant, but she decided not to push the issue.

"Ooookaaayy." Selina waved at Harley.

"We have to get going now, we both have a lot to do today."

"But call us if you need us. Okay Harls?" Pam gave her a quick hug.

"Okay girls. Thanks for your help today. I really appreciate it."

The pair left and Harley went to the medical suite to change J's sheets. She set down the clean linens on a side table and pulled a chair next to the bed so she could help him into it. He also was looking decidedly suspicious.

"So what was that all about Pud?" She lowered the side bar of the bed and helped him stand and move over to the chair as she began stripping the bed.

"Nothing Pumpkin, the girls were just checking in on me." She scrunched her lips up to one side.

"You three are up to something." J put on the most irreproachable look he could muster.

"Not at all Sweet Pea, they just wanted to help lighten your load. I'm happy to know your friends care about you so much they'd even offer to help someone they despise to make your life a little easier."

She didn't believe him either but she was obviously not going to get anything out of him. She finished changing his bed and helped him back into it. She then headed to the kitchen to make him some lunch as she tried to ponder just what they could be up to.

Meanwhile, in the Palisades, underneath the giant Mansion of Gotham's most eligible billionaire bachelor, Bruce and Damien Wayne were busy trying to analyze the evidence they had collected from the GCB vault. By the time they had arrived, the crime scene had been compromised by the GCPD trampling around and collecting their own evidence which was making their analysis all the more difficult. On top of that, there was so much blood it was hard to differentiate specific DNA. Much of what they had collected was contaminated with the blood of other 'victims' considering the large number of bodies that had been discovered. Damian looked up from the microscope he was looking through as he examined hair samples.

"So father, have you come up with any new theories?"

Bruce was currently running facial recognition through the GCPD database trying to find any reasonable connections between the thieves to try to discover who they may have worked for.

"Unfortunately, no Damian. It makes no sense. Some of these men used to work for Penguin, a few for Two-Face and some are ex-Riddler thugs. A good number of them worked for Black Mask. That makes sense at least since he's in Arkham right now, so reasonably his old crew would be looking for work."

The Bat-computer stopped as it found the mug shot they were currently looking for. It stopped on one Leonardo Nosti who had a rap sheet a mile long. Assault, battery, theft, armed robbery, grand theft auto, manslaughter, embezzlement, identity theft and the list went on. What was interesting were his known associates. One name jumped off the screen at the dynamic duo. Bruce read it out loud.

"Joker."

"But father, that's only one of twenty thugs that were found dead in that vault." Bruce shook his head.

"I know Damian. It's also not his usual M.O. Joker always makes sure we know a crime was perpetrated by him. He wasn't spotted on the scene and there is no other evidence to support it, no rictus grins, no corny gags, no killer jokes, no speeches or posturing. I just have this gut feeling that won't go away. We need more evidence before I can connect him to the crime."

"Joker has been quiet for almost a year, father. If he committed this crime, why would he do it 'undercover' so to speak."

"That's exactly what I need to figure out. We need to get this Bane business sorted out first. At the moment he's the biggest threat to Gotham, so he takes priority. But once we close this case, we widen our patrols and locate the Joker once and for all."

A week had passed and J was still on the mend. He had almost full use of his right arm again but his leg was healing much more slowly. He was finally able to walk using just a cane, but his limp was really pronounced and he was still in quite a bit of pain when he put weight on his leg. Harley was straightening up their suite of rooms when she heard him calling for her.

"Haaarrrllleeyyy!" She rushed to the other room to see what was the matter.

"I'm here Mistah J. What's wrong?" He was writing in a book on the tray table across his lap. His reading glasses were perched on the tip of his nose. He looked at her over his glasses.

"I need you to do me a huge favor baby."

"Sure Puddin, what do you need?" He closed the book on the table.

"I'm still not strong enough to get down to the lab. Could you please run down there for me? There's a book in my desk." He held up the book he had been writing in. "It looks just like this. Would you mind grabbing it for me please Poo?"

"Of course Mistah J. I'll head down right away."

"If for some reason it's not in my desk, check the shelf in the closet next to the beakers. Thanks a lot Pumpkin."

She bounced off to go run her errand as J immediately hopped out of bed and limped with his cane to the entrance to their suite. J's lab was in the rear of the mill and since the book he asked for wasn't in the lab, she'd be looking for quite a while before she returned. He opened the door and called down the stairs.

"Okay the coast is clear."

Ivy popped out of the shadows at the bottom of the stairs followed closely by Selina, Jenna, Cheetah, Killer Frost, Jewlee, Livewire and White Rabbit. They each had colorfully wrapped gifts, food and decorations in their arms. Ivy looked at J.

"Thanks for helping us pull this off. We couldn't have done it without you."

"Yes, well, it was nothing, but I do believe I will leave you girls to it. There's far too much estrogen in this room for me right now. Have fun ladies!"

After searching his lab for 15 minutes and coming up empty she wandered back to their suite to let J know it wasn't there. As she opened the front door she nearly jumped out of her skin as the girls screamed in unison.

"Surprise!" Harley covered her mouth with her hands in shock.

"What are you all doing here?" Ivy stepped forward.

"It's your baby shower silly!"

Harley couldn't believe it. The room was decorated in blue and white crepe paper, little storks and baby boy cutouts. There was a pile of presents in one corner, a table full of food and a sheet cake that said 'It's a boy'.

"Oh my goodness! This is amazing. Thank you all so much!"

The ladies chatted and ate for several hours, then Harley opened her presents. The girls had gotten her some wonderful gifts, especially the baby clothes. The outfits were just too cute for words. Harley didn't know it, but Jewlee had a talent for sewing and had made Jack an adorable outfit that looked just like one of Mistah J's purple suits including the orange shirt and green waistcoat. She made a fuzzy green beanie for Jack's head and the booties even had little spats sewn onto them.

"Jewlee, thank you so much! This is too perfect!" Jewlee gave her a big white smile.

"I thought you'd like it." Harley held it up so everyone could see. The girls oohed and ahhed.

"Jewlee I absolutely love it!"

Cheetah gave her a leopard print onesie with matching booties. Killer Frost gave her an entire crib set in blue with white snowflakes. Jenna got her little baby work boots, a toy tool set and a pile of Osh Kosh bib overalls in different colors. Selina and Ivy gave a joint gift of a jogging stroller, a pack and play portable play yard and a Coach diaper bag. They all chipped in and bought a huge pile of diapers, wipes, blankets, onesies, bibs and bottles. Harley was really touched. She hadn't expected anything of the sort. They cut the cake, served coffee and then slowly the ladies dispersed until it was only Ivy, Selina and Harley.

"Thanks so much, you guys. This was such a great surprise! You are the best friends a girl could ask for!" Ivy and Selina gave her a group hug.

"Well we never got a chance to throw you a bridal shower since you and J eloped, so we certainly weren't missing out on this opportunity!" Replied Ivy as she released her best friend.

"Well Ivy, I think it's time for us to boogie. Don't you have a date with Harvey in a couple of hours?" Asked Selina making Ivy blush. Harley's eyes grew wide.

"Are you and Harvey like a _thing_ now?" She waved her hand.

"No we're not a _thing,_ I'm just using him to mist my fern every now and again. It's all very casual." Harley giggled at the euphemism.

"Well I hope you pruned your bush before your little gardening session." Harley said as she giggled like a schoolgirl. Ivy punched her in the arm.

"I swear you have the sense of humor of a fifteen-year-old boy! We do have to run though, but call us if you need anything. Love you, sweetie." Ivy said as she kissed Harley on the cheek.

"Bye Harls. You're absolutely glowing by the way. See you soon." Selina gave her another brief hug goodbye and they took their leave. As Harley cleaned up the crepe paper and decorations she heard J's cane thumping down the hall.

"Is the coast clear Poo, has the Sisterhood of Escaped Arkham Rejects departed?" She rolled her eyes.

"Yes Puddin. It's just me. Come see what we got!" She showed him the gifts. A huge grin spread across his face when she showed him the little Baby-Joker suit.

"Ha ha ha! I love it! Now that is a cool gift."

"Want some cake? We have a ton of it left. I think I'll give whatever is left to the henchmen." He hobbled over to the kitchen table and gently sat down. His leg was still very sore, so he needed to baby it.

"Ooh cake sounds good! Do we have any milk?"

She sliced him a large slab of the cake and poured him a cold glass of milk and set it down in front of him. She narrowed her eyes at him with a little smirk on her face.

"I _knew_ the three of you were up to something. So there really was no book in your lab was there?" He washed his bite of cake down with some milk.

"Sorry for the deception Poo but I didn't know how else to get you out of here long enough for the girls to sneak in. I suppose I should have installed a back door to this place."

"That's ok Mistah J. It was worth digging around that stifling room to have my girlfriends give me such a nice surprise." She wrapped up the leftovers and put them away in the fridge. "Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. Doc Kincade called earlier. He said the wound on your thigh is looking good now. He's cleared you to start sleeping in your own bed again." She walked back over to the table to wrap the rest of the cake. J grabbed her around the waist, not that she had much of a waist these days, and pulled her close.

"Good, it was getting lonely back there. I've missed my little Harley-girl." She smiled down at him with half lidded eyes.

"I've missed you too Pud." She leaned down and kissed him. "I'm gonna bring this downstairs to the guys, I'll be right back." She said as she picked up the cake.

He watched her bottom sashay away. Even at almost seven months pregnant he still found her attractive, which rather surprised him. Maybe it was because he had spent almost a month alone in a hospital bed, maybe it was because he had almost died or maybe it was because she had saved his life but he was feeling quite affectionate towards her, so the news they could share a bed together again brightened his mood.

That evening J settled into their bed while Harley brushed her teeth and washed her face. His leg was still pretty tender and he was trying to figure out the logistics of the two of them being romantic. Between his leg, her belly and the fact that she had gained thirty pounds during the pregnancy he could only come up with one position that might reasonably work without too much pain or awkwardness. He'd make it work. She slid beneath the covers and snuggled up against him. He wasted no time, he was feeling really 'anxious'. He mashed his lips against hers and plundered her mouth with his tongue. She tasted like peppermint toothpaste. His hands roamed over her body, cupping her now very large and swollen breasts and caressing her neck and back. She giggled.

"Oh my Mistah J, did you miss revving up your Harley?"

He silenced her with another kiss, flipped her over onto her right side and quickly entered her from behind. His leg ached but he ignored it. The feeling of being sheathed within her felt too good to worry about inconsequential things like pain. He was also feeling a little aggressive and he moved his right hand beneath her in order to grip her throat. He didn't squeeze too viciously, just enough to satisfy the dominant in him. He gripped her hip with his left hand and used it for leverage. It had been so long and he was so excited it didn't last a particularly long time, which was actually a good thing as his leg and shoulder had started screaming at him, but it was more than satisfying for them both. Once she felt him soften and pull out she turned and kissed him deeply.

"Oh Mistah J, that was amazing." He gazed at her with his lids half closed.

"Mmmm hmmm. It sure was Pumpkin. I missed you being back in that room all month by myself."

"I missed you too Puddin." She yawned, it had been a busy day and she was really tired. "I love ya Pud. Night." He brushed her hair off of her face and kissed one more time.

"I love you too Poo. Goodnight sleepyhead."


	24. Chapter 24

Legacy Chapter 24

Batman had been working on the Bane case for weeks. Bane had used a derivative of the venom that gave him his incredible size and strength to develop a street drug called 'Viper' that had been flooding the streets of Gotham. Not only did the drug make the user euphoric but depending on how the drug was taken it also made the user aggressive, irrational and violent. The drug was highly addictive, inexpensive and could be smoked, snorted or injected. Batman and Robin had spent most of the past month shutting down his distribution facilities, intercepting incoming shipments, locking up the dealers and interrogating his associates to find Bane and shut down his supply train. They had finally had a break in the case but Bane escaped and they had to leave Gotham to track him down. They managed to trace Bane back to Santa Prisca where they finally discovered his manufacturing facility. It was a difficult mission but the dynamic duo managed to blow the facility and take Bane down. They extradited him back to Gotham where he was sentenced to Blackgate Prison.

Once they returned to Gotham, autumn was well upon them and the leaves were slowly changing into vivid hues of yellow, orange, red and brown. There was a distinct chill in the air and Gotham was getting ready to celebrate Halloween in a couple of weeks. Jack-o'-lanterns decorated front stoops and colorful costumes brightened store windows. Now that the Bane case was closed Batman was determined to solve not only the GCB case, but to find the Joker and Harley Quinn as well.

Having had little success with the initial evidence collected at the Gotham City Bank, Batman returned to the scene to do some additional investigation on his own. He entered the sewers in the financial district and discovered the old subway station where the heavy machinery had been brought in. He tracked the path back to the cave-in where the thieves had blown the tunnel and escaped. What he had yet to figure out was how they had escaped. Batman pulled out a flashlight and examined the area. As he investigated, he discovered a trail of blood droplets leading away from the cave-in. He pulled out a blood sample collection kit, moistened a cotton swab with deionized water and rubbed it over the dried blood until he had collected enough to analyze back at the Batcave later. He followed the blood spatter down a tunnel but there was a point halfway down the corridor where the droplets simply disappeared. He found a rubber mark on the floor in the same area the blood trail ended and took a sample of that as well. After examining the area thoroughly and finding nothing more of use, he returned to the Batcave to begin analyzing the samples he had collected.

At the Sionis steel mill, Joker was lifting a thirty-pound weight with his right arm to try to restore the lost muscle mass from having to keep it immobile for a month. His shoulder barely even ached anymore. His thigh was another story. He still walked with the assistance of a cane, his limp still fairly pronounced and according to Dr. Kincade there was a pretty good likelihood that he may suffer pain from the injury for the rest of his life. The Doctor came by at least once a week to check on both Joker's injury and Harley's pregnancy. He was due to arrive late that evening after his shift at the ER at Gotham Mercy North.

Harley was now in her 30th week of pregnancy and her belly and breasts had swelled considerably. She was carrying fairly high and it looked like she had swallowed a medicine ball. Her back was constantly killing her, she was suffering from stress incontinence and little Jacky was becoming very active. You could actually see the skin of her belly moving occasionally as he rolled over or kicked which Joker found absolutely fascinating.

Harley had just met with her midwife, Claire for a checkup. They had ordered the birthing pool they would use to deliver the baby in and as a precaution, since they had the money to spare again, J insisted on ordering a neonatal incubator just in case. He wasn't sold on the whole water birth idea, he had read of the possibility of complications resulting from it, but it's what Harley wanted and it was her body. He just felt it was important to be prepared. The equipment had been delivered this afternoon and Claire had given her seal of approval.

Harley was on the couch rubbing cocoa butter into her tummy when she started giggling madly. J looked up from his exercises with a curious expression.

"What's so funny Poo?" She pointed to her belly.

"Watch." Her belly was intermittently jumping in a syncopated rhythm.

"What's he doing in there?" She looked up at him with a big grin.

"He has the hiccups. It feels really weird."

"Ha! Will you look at that? I didn't know a baby could get hiccups in the womb."

She finished administering her lotion and covered her stomach back up with her shirt. She stood with her hands on the small of her back and went to the fridge to get a glass of water. J heard her sneeze.

"Damn it!" She closed the fridge and headed for the bedroom. He chuckled at her.

"Did you just pee yourself again Pumpkin?"

"It's not funny! Ugg I just can't wait to get him out of me already! The third trimester sucks. He keeps kicking me in the ribs and every time I cough or sneeze I pee!" She made a sound of frustration in the back of her throat. "I've gotta go change, I'll be right back."

He couldn't help but laugh as soon as she was out of earshot. He felt bad for her, but it was an amusing type of suffering, from his position at least.

"I can hear you, ya know?" He heard her yell from the bedroom.

"Sorry Poo, but you're just so cute when you're frustrated."

Back at the Batcave, Batman had started running a DNA analysis of the blood he had collected from the crime scene. As the test processed he worked on trying to identify the rubber sample he had collected. With the exception of Alfred, Bruce was alone in the manor, Damian having gone to Infinity Island to visit his mother, Talia. He enjoyed the solitude. As much as he loved his son, he was a difficult child and had grown into a stubborn and equally difficult adult. He examined the rubber under the microscope and discovered something interesting. There were some kind of metal filings ground into the rubber. Upon closer observation he determined the metal to be pure steel. Steel of the variety that used to be produced right here in Gotham when Charles Sionis still owned the Sionis steel mill.

The blood sample had finished processing. He put the DNA results up on the main screen of the Batcomputer to try to match it to any known criminals. Within minutes an exact match was found and the result glowed ominously on the screen. Bruce stared at it, dumbstruck. Slowly his hands balled into fists as his anger blossomed into pure rage.

"Joker! I knew he was somehow involved!"

It was nearly nightfall. Bruce donned his costume and outfitted his utility belt with everything he thought he'd need to take the killer clowns down once and for all. Alfred entered the cave carrying a tray.

"Master Bruce, I had thought you might have some supper before beginning your nocturnal crusade." Bruce strapped his grappling gun to his hip as he looked grimly at his butler and closest friend.

"No time Alfred. I know who's responsible for the robbery at the Gotham City Bank and now I know exactly where to find him." Alfred looked at the name glowing on the Batcomputer's screen.

"The Joker. Are you sure it wouldn't be wiser to wait until Master Damian returns to go after that mad clown? At the very least call Master Dick to accompany you."

"Dick has his own problems in Bludhaven and there's no time to waste Alfred. I'm taking both him and Quinn down, _tonight_."

"I don't like the idea of you going alone, sir." Bruce pulled the cowl over his face and headed to the Batmobile.

"I know old friend, but there's nothing to be done about it. I can't let those two psychopaths slip through my grasp again." Alfred had a very concerned and fatherly expression painted on his face.

"Do be careful Master Bruce. I'll prepare the medical supplies for your return."

"Thank you Alfred. I'll be in touch."

Batman jumped into the Batmobile, started the engine and sped away into the Gotham night. As he reached Robbinsville he parked the Batmobile down and alley and grappled up to the rooftops. He could see the smokestacks of the steel mill releasing black fumes into the night air. He ran across the rooftops and grappled up onto a construction crane to give himself a better vantage point. He pressed his com/transmitter.

"Activate night vision." The lenses of his cowl changed to night vision mode. "Zoom and enhance."

As his lenses focused in on the mill he could see multiple goons patrolling the outside of the facility. He counted at least fifteen that he would have to dispose of before he could try to find a way into the mill. He jumped from the crane and glided silently down on the first unsuspecting thug. He took him out with a two footed kick to his head. He checked to make sure he was unconscious before crouching and sneaking up behind two more henchmen. He grabbed their heads and cracked their skulls against one another rendering both immobile. He systematically took out each of the hoodlums without attracting any attention. For Joker goons, this group wasn't very skilled. That meant he'd have more to contend with once he got inside.

Batman searched for any breaches he could utilize to enter the mill. He grappled up to the highest part of the roof and found an exhaust fan that would lead to the ventilation system. He took a multi-tool from his utility belt and used it to pry the fan up enough that he could slip inside.

Inside of the mill Joker and Harley had just finished their evening meal and were casually lounging on the couch in the living room when all hell broke loose. Alarms began to ring and the steel plates on the outer doors and windows of their suite locked down. Joker jumped up from his seat.

"Shit! C'mon Harley, we have to get down to the control room immediately!"

He grabbed her hand and practically dragged her down the hallway to the control room. He searched the screens for any sign of their intruder. The perimeter alarm breach came from the roof's ventilation fan.

"Puddin, is it Ratman?"

"I'm not sure yet, but it has to be." Joker activated the intercom system throughout the entire mill. "Attention men. We have a bat in our belfry. Your job is to make sure he doesn't get back out alive. The man who brings be the Batman's head on a lance gets a one-million-dollar cash bonus. Don't let me down!" He continued searching the screens and thought he saw a black shadow move across the rafters in the east quadrant. "There you are you Bat bastard."

He flipped the switch labeled 'drop ceiling'. Four controlled explosions went off simultaneously, blowing out the rafter anchors and sending the metal structure crashing to the ground. Batman grabbed his grappling gun and shot it into the roof saving himself just seconds before he and the entire mass of steel crashed into the ground. The resulting crash of metal crushed several of Joker's men who had just entered the room in pursuit of the Bat. Joker spoke into the microphone in front of him.

"I know you can hear me Bats. If you think you're getting at me and my wife, think again. I have this entire building rigged with plenty of toys to keep you occupied for a year. Give it up Guano-man. I've got you beat this time."

Batman found the elevator, stepped inside and knocked the emergency door off the roof of the car. He climbed up into the elevator shaft and assessed the area. He saw an opening about two hundred feet above his head he thought he might be able to crawl through. Joker watched all of this from the safety of the control room and flipped the switch labeled 'Bat Flattener'. Batman heard a metallic pinging growing closer. He registered what it was and dove through the emergency hatch rolling out of the elevator and into the outer room as the elevator car was flattened by a five-ton steel ball that had been released from the top of the elevator shaft. His ears were ringing from the sound of the impact. He didn't have time to stand up before he was being kicked in the ribs and pounded on his back by a multitude of fists. He was surrounded by Joker's henchmen who were beating on him relentlessly. Batman dug into his utility belt, pulled out a small object and threw it with force into the floor. It was a flash-bang which momentarily blinded and disoriented the thugs allowing Batman to escape.

He entered what appeared to be the smelting chamber of the mill. There were buckets of molten metal that moved across the ceiling so they could be deposited into the vats on the opposite side of the room. The furnaces were stoked and it was stiflingly hot. Batman looked around the room for a means of escape as Joker flipped the switch labeled 'lava'. The buckets of molten metal all tipped from their current locations showering the smelting chamber in a wave of red hot steel. Batman grappled up to the metal ductwork but not before the molten metal singed his cape and slightly melted the soles of his boots from the intensity of the heat.

"Damn him! He should be dead already!" Screamed Joker as he watched the flying rat scuttle across the ducts and back into the ventilation system.

"Don't worry Pud, you'll get him with the next one for sure." He patted her thigh.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Poo, but I think you might be a little biased on this one."

Batman came out in the galvanizing line. It was dark and seemed quiet. He switched to night vision mode again as he assessed the situation. He needed to get through this room to get to the Joker and Harley. He carefully walked across the floor which was covered with metal grating. Joker flipped the switch for the 'giant mallet' which swung out from the ceiling and quickly slammed downward towards the Dork Knight. Batman rolled out of the way, but the mallet caught his cape pinning him down. He removed his handheld laser from his utility belt and used it to burn through the fabric, releasing himself as Joker flipped the switch for 'pit of death'. The floor gratings dropped downward and the Batman tumbled into the pit below. He grabbed his grappling gun but not before the grates closed back up trapping him in the pit. Harley squealed.

"Yay Mistah J!"

"Well let's see if all that time I put into fixing this was actually worth it." Said Joker as he wrung his hands together.

The gears engaged and the walls slowly started closing in on Batman. He heard the voice of the Joker over the intercoms.

"So Batsy, let's see you get out of this one." Batman looked up at the camera that was positioned above the pit.

"Count on it Joker!" Batman pulled a Batarang from his belt. He heard the cackling laughter of his nemesis filling the room.

"A Batarang? That's your brilliant plan to get out of my Pit of Death? Ha ha ha! Oh I can't wait to see this."

Batman flipped a small switch on the Batarang in his hand, backed up as far as he could and threw it at the grating above him. It exploded as it connected blasting a hole just big enough for him to grapple out of. He ran as fast as he could through the room and towards the area he had determined Joker and Harley were hiding.

"Dammit! I knew I made those walls close in too slowly!" He searched the screens for his masked foe. "Where the hell did he go?"

"I don't know Puddin. I don't see him anywhere."

Batman pulled out his explosive gel gun and laid down a circular line of the substance, stood in the middle of the circle and detonated it. Joker and Harley heard a loud explosion in the other room.

"Harley, stay here. I'll go take care of him myself." J grabbed several knives, his pistol and his cane and limped down the hallway to face the vigilante. He entered the living room to see him standing there having blown in their ceiling. "Well hello there Bats, thanks for _dropping_ in but I'm really not prepared to entertain guests right now. I guess that means you need to go!"

Joker pulled out his revolver and fired. Batman dove sideways and launched several batarangs at Joker, knocking the gun out of his hand. Batman did a forward somersault then swept Joker's legs out from under him. Had J not been shot, a move like that would never had worked against him. Joker went down hard on his left thigh and he screamed as pain shot up and down his entire leg. Harley heard it from the control room and panicked. She grabbed her mallet from its mount on the wall and quietly tiptoed down the hallway. Batman was standing over her Joker about to start pummeling him. She snuck up behind him and brought her mallet down hard. Batman sidestepped her attack at the last second but the mallet still managed to hit him in the shoulder. Batman's left arm went numb and he retaliated by throwing his right elbow backwards hitting Harley hard right in the stomach. She screamed as she was thrust backwards. Her head connected firmly with the corner of the doorframe, slicing her scalp open and knocking her out.

Joker watched in horror as he struggled to stand. Joker's pupils shrunk and a feral growl built in his throat as he launched himself at Batman. J tackled him to the ground and pulled his knife shoving it repeatedly between the plates on the side of Batman's armor. Batman punched Joker back, the knife was still sticking out of Batman's side. The two punched and kicked one another until Joker was able to get the upper hand and got Batsy in a choke hold. He reached down and twisted the knife that was still embedded in Batman's flesh, making him cry out. Joker glanced over at Harley she was breathing more shallowly than she should have been.

"Let me tell you something Bats. If anything happens to my _wife_ or my _son_ , I will come after you and everyone you love… _Bruce!"_ Batman stopped struggling as his eyes bulged beneath the cowl lenses. "Oh, you didn't think I knew did you? Bruce Wayne billionaire philanthropist. Oh _I know_ , I chose not to acknowledge it though, because the truth is _pathetic_! You dress as a bat and fight crime because you're really just a sad boy crying over his poor dead mommy and daddy." Bruce tried to escape from Joker's grip, but J held fast as he pulled another knife and drove it into Bruce's other side. "Oh, yes, I know all about it Brucie! I also know about Damian, blood of your blood, and the line of Ras Al Ghul. Good job Batsy, Talia is pretty hot."

"If you touch my son I'll kill you."

" ** _Feeling's mutual!_** I'll also go after that little adopted computer geek of yours, Red Robin aka _Tim Drake_. I don't think you'll mind if I kill _Jason_. I already killed him once. How does it feel to know two of your sons are murderers? Great parenting skills there Batsy. And let's not forget the _heir apparent_ , your favorite son, the daring _Dick Garyson!"_

Joker dragged Bruce down the hall. He was losing a lot of blood and his consciousness. Joker reached into the control room and flipped the switch that disables the lockdown mode. The plates over the windows retracted, the doors unlocked. He was planning on tying Batsy down in the medical suite when he heard Harley groan from down the hall. She struggled to stand up on her wobbly legs. Blood was running down her face from the laceration in her head. Joker then heard a sound that scared the hell out of him. A wet splashing followed by Harley crying out.

" _PUDDIN! My water just broke!"_ Joker growled ferociously.

"If anything happens to her or that baby, I won't stop until I kill you and everyone you love. Including that charming butler of yours _Alfred Pennyworth_! If you survive this that is!" Joker threw Batsy through the window. He watched him hit the ground three stories below.

"Puddin!"

Joker ran down the hallway to Harley. He put his arm around her waist and walked her to the medical suite. She grabbed him when a pain shot through her entire abdomen.

"No, no, no it's too early. _It's too early_!" screamed Harley." Joker heard the door to their room open.

"J-man, Kincade says he has an appointment wit you!" It was Lewis. J screamed back frantically.

"Tell him to get his ass back here! We've got an emergency!"

Kincade entered the room to see Harley seemingly in heavy labor. He quickly donned his gloves and got to work. Harley's contractions were already very close together. She screamed and squeezed Joker's hand so hard he thought she might snap his fingers off. Kincade examined her and shook his head.

"What happened?"

" _Batman happened!"_ Kincade went to his medical bag and started pulling out surgical instruments. "What are you doing Doc?"

"She and the baby are both in distress. He needs to come out now but Harley isn't dilated enough. I need to do an emergency caesarean section. I only have general anesthesia with me so she'll be awake." Joker's eyes bulged.

" _Isn't it too early?_ " The doctor prepped the anesthesia syringe.

"If I can get him out fast he has a good chance of making it." Harley screamed again.

"Get him out, **_get him out!_** "

He injected her abdomen with the medication and readied his surgical tools until the antithetic started working.

"Joker I need someone to get a pot of warm water and a lot of towels in here!"

"Lewis! You heard the Doc, move!"

Lewis ran to comply. The doctor spoke to Harley before he started the procedure.

"Okay Harley, we're getting him out. I need you to lie back and relax as much as you can."

He sliced into the skin just below Harley's belly exposing the uterus beneath. He carefully sliced through the uterine wall until little Jack was exposed enough to remove. He was breech and the cord was tangled around his neck. Kincade cut the cord and removed it. Jack hadn't taken a breath yet as Kincade reached for his suction and suctioned out little Jackie's nose and throat. He still wasn't breathing.

"Joker I need you to pull that incubator over, we're gonna need it." Joker dashed across the room, brought the equipment over and plugged it in. Kincade started preforming CPR on the baby. "C'mon little guy, come on now!"

Little Jackie coughed and took in a breath before bawling at the top of his lungs. Joker smiled down at his son, he was perfect. His admiration was short lived as he heard Harley scream again. In their effort to save the baby they had to leave Harley's incision open and she was hemorrhaging. Joker screamed.

" _Oh my God, Harley!"_

Kincade rushed over and began cauterizing the bleed. He quickly stitched her up. As he was tying off the last stich she began to seize, her whole body shaking as she screamed again and went limp. Kincade dove for the defibrillator.

" ** _She's coding, get back_**!" He cut open Harley's shirt and removed it. He checked to make sure Joker had gotten away from the table. " ** _Clear!_** " He hit her with the paddles. She was still unresponsive. " ** _Clear!_** "

He hit her again. No change. He started CPR, 30 compressions, three breaths. After two minutes he checked her pulse and there was nothing. He continued CPR for another minute, no reaction, no pulse. He slowly looked up at her husband.

"Joker, I'm sorry, but she's gone."

Joker's heart froze, his world stopped he couldn't believe what he was hearing. He had to be wrong, she couldn't be gone. The baby lived, she had to live too! He stormed over to Kincade, pushed him aside and grabbed the paddles of the defibrillator turned up the juice and zapped her. He held the paddles there for several seconds. He pulled them away and stared down at her, motionless, lifeless. He was about to turn on Kincade when he heard a deep breath being roughly drawn. He turned, Harley was gasping for breath. Kincade grabbed the oxygen mask and put it over her mouth and nose. Her breathing was ragged but normalizing. J dropped the paddles and embraced her.

"Oh thank God. I thought I'd lost you." She looked at him with glassy eyes.

"Jackie, I want to see Jackie." She said weakly. In the chaos Lewis had come back and cleaned the baby off with warm wet towels and wrapped him in a blanket to keep the preemie warm, then put him back in the incubator. Joker picked Jackie up and placed him in Harley's arms. "He has your eyes, Puddin." Joker smiled down at his family.

"And your mouth Harls. He's beautiful. Good job Poo!"

She smiled as her eyelids dropped. She was exhausted. Having a baby and nearly dying can do that to a girl. J Took the baby and Kincade weighed and measured and checked the baby out completely.

"Well I'll have you know that Jack is 6.2 pounds and is 17 inches long and looking very healthy. He'll need to stay in the incubator for a few weeks but I think he'll be just fine. Let's move Harley to the bed. She'll need to try to breastfeed him now." They moved her and put the back of the bed up.

"Pumpkin, do you feel up to feeding Jackie?" She looked at him like he'd grown a second head.

"Of course I do! I'm tired not dead. Oh sorry." J handed her the baby and he took to the nipple immediately.

"Yup, the boy takes after his Daddy!" Harley looked up sharply.

"Puddin!"

"Sorry, couldn't help myself."

He smiled with pride as he watched the two of them. He almost lost them both tonight and through some kind of miracle they came back to him. His family. He was a Daddy and he couldn't be happier. Harley looked up at him lovingly. He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers and then ever so gently kissed the smooth head of his son. He not only beat the Bat but he managed to help save his _family_. It still sounded strange to his ears. He was feeling things he never had before. It was overwhelming, uncomfortable, unnerving and scary but it was the most wonderful feeling he had ever experienced before and he would never give it up for anything.

 **A/N – So kids that was our last chapter. What did you think? I will follow this up with an epilogue so stay tuned.**


	25. Chapter 25

Legacy Epilogue

Almost two years had passed. Joker hadn't heard from Batsy in all that time. He had heard rumors. Rumors that he was dead or that he retired, but one thing was certain, there was a new Batman in the cape and cowl. Was it Nightwing, Robin, the Red Hood? He didn't care. He had found a contentment in fatherhood. After Jackie was born J moved them to a penthouse apartment with a private elevator. They were comfortable, free, and happy.

J dipped into the disguise kit so that he could take his wife and son to the Gotham Zoo. Harley was pushing Jackie in the stroller and Joker was at her side with his hand on her waist. She had lost the baby fat quickly and even with the cesarean scar she was still hot. As they strolled the grounds they came to the hyena enclosure. Harley bent down to Jackie as she pointed inside of the enclosure.

"See those two Jackie. Those are mommy and daddy's pets. Can you say Bud and Lou?" Jackie looked at her wide eyed.

"Bub. Woo." She clapped.

"Very good Jackie! Bud and Lou!"

"Bub n Woo, Bub n Woo!" She looked up at Joker.

"Ya know, many child psychiatrists suggest that it's good for a boy to have a dog. Why don't we bust them back out? I miss the little mutts." Joker sighed.

"Fine, me and the boys'll come back after dark and spring the mangy mongrels, but if they try to eat the baby they come right back to the zoo! Will that keep you offa my back?" She smiled and fluttered her eyelashes at him.

"Mmm Hmmm. Oh by the way Puddin, I almost forgot. I have some good news!" He smiled down at her.

"Oh yeah, and what is that Pumpkin?" A sly grin crossed her face and for some reason it made J nervous. "Well spit it out Harls."

 _"I'm pregnant **."**_

 **A/N – So that's it, that's all folks. I hope you all enjoyed it. Thank you to all of my reviewers, your feedback is what keeps me inspired to keep pumping out chapters. Hopefully I'll have something new soon to add to my J+HQ universe. I have a few ideas I'm throwing around right now. Stay tuned, same Bat time, same Bat channel!**


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